"When you look back on times we had I hope you smile. And know that through the good and through the bad I was on your side.."

My freshman year of college is almost over. I honestly cannot believe it. It has gone by so fast, it amazes me. I am kind of sad to be leaving my dorm... the 2011 Esther girls are just amazing. We have the best RA and SLR, and for the most part everyone in our dorm just loves each other. I am going to miss seeing their faces every day. But, I think Johnny dorm next year will be fun too- just a new experience :)

Looking back at this past year, I have seen how far I have come in many various ways. Some things in my life have been resolved, while others still haven't been. But, I have learned that life isn't about the end result of things- It is all about the journey getting there. This journey hasn't been easy, and the rest of the journey isn't going to get any easier, but I am ready to face it head on.

I am not focusing on getting to a certain point in my life anymore where suddenly everything is "okay". I am never going to have a day where I wake up and suddenly every problem in my life is solved. Instead, I am focusing on how I am going through each day. I am learning that it is okay to have a great day, but still cry at the end of the day when a situation becomes too much. And it's okay to have a really bad day, but end the day laughing hysterically and having fun. Life isn't about following a certain pattern that you have to stick to just because that is how it has always been. Life is about change- and as much as I hate it I am starting to embrace it, because once you can look back and see positive changes you have made in your life, it is a very fulfilling feeling.

Whenever I look back at this year of my life, I am definitely going to smile, because even though it has been a hard climb, I know it has just brought me one step closer to my eternal reward. And that makes everything worth it.

45 days, 1,080 hours, 64,800 minutes

Tomorrow. Tomorrow Lent is done. Tomorrow I can get on Facebook if I want too. I cannot believe it has been 45 days since I have been on Facebook. I don't really miss it. I don't miss the distraction, I don't miss it giving me something to do, I don't really miss it at all. Am I looking forward to getting back on? Not really. I don't feel like I have anything to look forward too. Sure, it will be nice to read the posts that people have left me and such, but do I think there is anything life altering waiting for me? Not really.  I feel like people get too hyped up over Facebook these days. Sometimes I miss the simpler life where we didn't base our relationships on online communications or cell phones. What ever happened to writing letters? I still frequently send letters simply because I love getting mail and it gives me something to look forward too. Sigh. Oh well. I guess things are different now. But that doesn't mean I have to give in :) Being off Facebook has really made me value the relationships that I have with people that aren't based around technology. It is really refreshing. If you are on Facebook, try staying off it for a while. It is really nice.

Awesome :)

So, today was a good day. I got to sleep in till 11, and then relax for the day. I spent most of the afternoon at my high school, and that was just fantastic. I got to hang out with my 3rd and 4th graders as well as the 6th graders and see a few of the high schoolars. It was awesome. I also got to spend time with a few of my favorite teachers and catch them up on my life. I love WCA. I can honestly say that I don't miss high school at all, but I do miss my WCA family. We truly are a family, and it was great to come "home" and visit for a while. I have met so many others at college who didn't have a good high school experience, and I thank God everyday for the special time he gave me at WCA.

I almost cannot wait to get done with the semester so I can spend more time at WCA... helping out my old teachers, go to soccer games, see friends. Awesome :)

Today was a total God thing. He gave me the moments and people that I needed. It was just awesome.

Bring On The Rain!

The past few days have been yucky. It has been snowy, rainy and cold. I had a headache on Sunday and was just miserable. The past few days have been interesting emotionally as well. I have really been struggling with the decision I made to cut a certain relationship from my life. It is hard for me to understand why God is making me do this, even though that I know that it is best for me in the long run. It hurts, but I am ready for the rain.

Rain is so cool. I love warm, rainy days. They are my favorite. Although sunshine isn't bad either :) Sometimes we need a few rainy days in our lives, literally and emotionally. It helps us to appreciate the sunny days that we do have. As much as I love rain, I wouldn't mind a couple weeks straight of sunny days.

I cannot believe it has been over a month since I have been on Facebook. I really don't miss it at all. I think my new rule will be Facebook Fridays- I will only check Facebook on Fridays. That way I am not spending countless hours on the website, but I still have the connections that I need. Sounds like a plan to me.

I'm Singing In the Rain!

I am ridiculously excited. I just got a new umbrella, and it is like the perfect "Singing in the Rain" umbrella. It is really long, and has a pointy top, and curved handle. My friend and I have decided that next time it rains, we are going to go dance in the rain and make a fantastic video. Lucky for us- it is supposed to rain all next week! :D I love rain sooooo much. I love sunny days more, but rain makes me excited. I love to splash in puddles.

I don't like emotional rain quite as much. But as a song by Sara Groves puts it, all this rain is helping pretty new flowers to grow! I know that rainy days (figuratively and literally) can be depressing, but as God to help you enjoy them and He will!!

Time goes on by...

I haven't posted in a while.... I guess it's because I have been super busy, and have had a lot on my mind. I have been doing a lot of different things here at Conco, its been fun but really stressful. I have been extremely stressed emotionally and physically the past few weeks. I made a decision almost a week ago, and it was a very hard one to make, but I know that it will be best for me in the longrun. God is going to use it and do something amazing through it.

I cannot believe my Freshman year of college is almost over. I have learned soooo much, and it has gone by way too fast. I am excited for next fall, but sad to have this year to be over. I am excited for summer, but sad to be leaving everything here at Concordia. It keeps amazing me how fast time is going by... before I know it college will be over. Scary to think about.

I hope you all are doing well. I love you, and Jesus loves you even more than I do!

Friends

I already have known this for quite a while, but yesterday God showed me what awesome friends I have in my life. Life goes so much better when you turn to God first, and then He gives you the people that you need. It is really cool to see, and a lot more comforting than going to people and then God. I may be tired of trying to figure out what to do in certain situations, but God has got such an awesome plan, and He is going to do something amazing through all of this. I am realizing though, that having friends who are going to be Seniors when you are only going to be a Sophomore is rough. I am really going to miss my SLR when she leaves, but I know that God will help us to keep in touch. I am really thankful for my friends. Thank you God for giving them to me <3

Thankfulness

So, yesterday was a bad day. I kept telling my friend that I couldn't find anything positive about the day. She replied, "Well, you are alive, and you know Jesus. Isn't that enough of a positive?" At the time I told her that I wanted to find a not cliche positive. But this morning, I looked at it differently. My devotional this morning was on being thankful even through hardships. It talked about how sometimes we get so wrapped up in what is wrong in our lives that we forget to be thankful for not only the good things that God has given us, but also the hardships He has given us. I woke up this morning, and the sun was shinning. I realized that I have tons of people in my life that love me and care about me, and would do anything to help me have a good day. But most of all, I remembered that I have Jesus and I took time to look back and see how He has worked in my life these past few months and even years and I felt at peace for the first time in a while. Right now, there is a certain situation that I would do anything to change. I want this person to still have a role in my life, and our relationship is very strained. But in reality I have come to the realization that I have done all I can, and now it is up to God. It's hard to accept, but that is how life is. So, even if life is bad right now, try to be thankful for your challenges because God is going to do something awesome through them.

Just What I need

Have you ever thought about how God knows exactly what you need every millisecond of your day? Every moment of time that passes he knows what people you need, what prayers you need, what Bible verses or song lyrics that you need to hear. It just stuns me. I had one of those moments yesterday. God gave me exactly what I needed to end my day.

I went to a huge Christian concert called Winter Jam yesterday, and it was just amazing. Every song spoke words to me that I needed to hear and I was able to just relax in the presence of God and enjoy His peace. It was fantastic. And just what I needed.

God is everything I need.