Take My Life and Let it be Yours!

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." 

Matthew 6:33 

The past few weeks have been "interesting" to say the least. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions and overwhelmed by the amount of changes thrown at me this school year. I was drowning in a sea of chaos, with no sign of help coming anytime soon. I talked a few weeks ago about coming out of the "fog" and I went from fog to mass chaos. Luckily, that began to change last night. 

I have been physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I literally was so tired the other morning I couldn't keep my eyes open, and I ended up being 20 minutes late to work. I was frustrated because I can't figure out what is causing me to be so out of it. 
And then, I got to talk to my friend Ashley. It never ceases to amaze me how God uses our conversations to shine some light on what I need to be doing. I was telling her about how I can't focus on anything important, and I am just not myself lately. She then proceded to ask me how my "God time" had been going. I beat around the bush for a bit and then finally admitted that most days I don't have God time. We talked about it for a while, and she convinced me to look at my schedule and schedule some "God time" for every day of the week. 

We then talked about how I couldn't get myself to focus in school because I simply have no motivation to go to my classes or do my schoolwork. She then explained this to me- God has given me the talent or gift of academics. I could get a 4.0 if I actually tried. But most of the time, I slide by with low A's and B's so I don't have to do any work. But, I now have a new perspective. Ashley was telling me last night that God has given me this gift, and so when I use this gift, it brings praise to him. I thought of the story of the ten talents, and about how when the master came back, he wanted to know how his servants used their gifts. What am I going to tell God when I get to heaven? I was too lazy to actually use the gift he gave me?! I can imagine that will go over real well! So, I have decided that this year I am going to do everything within my power to use the gifts that God has given me, and use them to bring glory to Him! 

And then, to connect it all to this verse. My friend Becky did a devo off of this verse last night. She talked about how when God is our first priority, everything else will fall where it needs to be. God has not been my first priority over the past few weeks, even months or close to a year. And I have been miserable to say the least. I gave everything over to God last night, and I gave this school year over to Him.

Today, was amazing. I had more energy than I have had in months. I was able to go work out, and eat normal meals for the most part. I was truly happy, and you couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I spent time with God, and I got all my classes and homework organized for the semester. I have balance in my life for the first time in at least 6 months. I am happy. And blessed. 
So here is my random thought of the day for you- Let God take your life and let it be all for him and for his glory. In everything you do, it should be about him. Even your school work and friendships. When you become God focused instead of you focused, suddenly everything is going to fall into place. And you are going to be happier than you could ever imagine!! I'm not saying that my life is perfect now. Trust me- It's FAR from perfect. But I am happier right now then I have been in months, and I know it is ALL because of HIM! 

Brain Fog

Have you ever driven through a really thick fog? You can't see anything and it is somewhat frightening. My mind has been in a brain fog since I moved back to campus almost three weeks ago. I have been physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained day after day after day. I got to a point where I simply was tired of it. I was tired of everything going "wrong" a.k.a not "my way" and having sucky days every single day. I was tired of being busy, and having to do homework, and do the tasks of daily life. I have been trying to shed some light and get out of this fog for weeks, but it felt like nothing I was doing was working. Every day was still the same, and in some ways it was really scary. But tonight I realized something- everything I was trying truly wasn't working, and I didn't have a solution of my own that would work. In this fog, I completely lost sight of the one solution that would work- Jesus.

Tonight I got to spend some time with Lonnie and Amy. Lonnie is a Family Life student here who has been battling cancer since late January of this year. Their story is incredible. And tonight, he reminded all of us about what it means to be a Christ follower during trials. He asked for prayer for everyone but himself, saying that there is always someone who is in a worse situation than yourself. His strength and reliance on God blew me out of the water. And it blew the fog right out of my mind and shed the light on the one thing that I haven't dug into recently- my faith.

I have had a terrible time the past few weeks missing my friend Ashley who just moved to Mexico for a year. I have cried many tears because I want to see her, talk to her, hug her. I have never gone to Concordia without her here, and I am just not used to not having her here. I have had trouble with some stuff for classes, finances, friend issues, faith issues, dorm situations, and probably much more and it all just took me down. I have some amazing friends here who have stood by my side and held me while I cried and for that I am extremely thankful.

 I went into this year thinking everything would be the same, and I would be just fine. I made myself believe I wouldn't miss Ashley and there would be no tears. I convinced myself that even with all the changes that have taken place, my life here would be the same that it has been for the past 2 years. And I realized tonight, I was wrong.

Things have changed. This is a new year, a new start. I am not the same person I was when I left here in May, nor will I be when I leave again. Change is not bad. "New" is not bad. And yet I have been focusing on the bad and hating the new since before I even got back here. I have been trying to act as if nothing has changed in fear of forgetting how great those things were, and yet in a lot of ways everything has changed. It doesn't mean that these memories are meaningless, or that I will no longer care about someone because they are not physically here or our relationship has changed. It is just new, and different, and it may take some time to adjust and that is okay.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- God has never left you. Even on the foggiest day when you can't see an inch in front of you and you just scream and cry in tears of frustration He is there. Trust Him. He will get you out of this fog eventually, even if it takes weeks like it did for me. He loves you.