It's Time to Do Something

Before/After pictures at Ford Early Learning Center

As those close to me know, I recently started attending a new church about 2 months ago. If you never have switched churches before, let me tell you: it is a very scary experience. But! God had been putting it on my heart for a long time that I needed better community in my life, and that was hard to accomplish at my old church even though I loved it immensely. So, I took a giant leap of courage, and decided to dive in deep to a new church and community. I decided that I was going to do things that I have always been terrified to do and I jumped right in and signed up for a Serve Day at Ford Early Learning Center in Ypsi. yesterday.

I am no stranger to lower income neighborhoods ways of life, most choices made out of necessity not want. I've worked with many, many kids coming out of poverty and seen some of the affects of poverty even in my own family. But I will say, this experience hit me differently than many have in the past. We walked out to the playground and I saw rust, I saw weeds, I saw broken swings, I saw chipped paint, and my heart just broke for these kids. I saw teachers spending their entire Saturday scrubbing down their classrooms, sorting toys, decorating, and even making us a delicious potluck lunch. These teachers were there from before we got there at 8:30 am, and some were still there when we left at 2:30 pm working their butts off. As I looked out over the playground I realized something pretty quickly: There is a good chance that no one would have done this if we hadn't come and done it. These teachers are pouring their hearts and souls into their classrooms and students already, in a neighborhood that obviously is not getting the funding it need to be able to keep all the areas of the school in top condition.

I scraped paint and sanded those monkey bars for about 3 straight hours, and then worked on spreading mulch on the preschool playground and under the swings after our lunch break. As wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow of mulch got dumped, we discovered that the majority of the mulch was branches, leaves, and other "leftovers" of the tree. Not nice mulch that you often see on playgrounds, and not even what you see in the above pictures, as the crappy mulch was used on the preschool playground. I found myself angry as I scraped the paint and spread the mulch thinking "Why is no one stepping up for these kids, for these teachers? Does no one see that these kids are our future?!" And the sad part? I had no idea until it was brought to my attention at church. How many other schools are struggling hard core just like this one? How many other social service centers are not getting the help they need to help get people out of poverty? 

We spend SO much time on social media arguing over politics, religion and everything under the sun and yet meanwhile? People are dying of hunger. Girls are being killed in other countries simply for learning how to read. Kids are sold into slavery every minute. Parents are divorcing, kids are spending all their time inside on tablets because we are too afraid to let them play outside because of all the violence and kidnappings, and we don't want to take the time to actually watch them or god forbid actually play with them. We don't talk to our neighbors anymore because we don't know them and they could be scary. We have kids failing out of school because they are too distracted from the amounts of trauma that they are experiencing at home. Parents who don't know how to parent, kids who don't know how to play! 

Seriously though. What has this world come to?! 

It's not enough to sit here and keep arguing about the best methods of how to fix the problems on social media. It's not enough to see the problem and think "Somebody else will do something." Have you considered what happens if somebody else doesn't? Those of us as Christians often talk about being the hands and feet of Jesus, but then we stand around doing nothing. 

 ^"Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” 

Matthew 19:13-14

Jesus valued children guys. We see it over and over again in scripture, him instructing the people to care for, love and prioritize the children. Not in a way that would make them self centered and conceited, but in a way where they felt loved and valued consistently. He talks about those who harm children getting the worst of punishments. Jesus valued highly what the world around him considered the "least of these". He took the time to be present and engage, and really love on these children.

So here is my random thought of the day for you: What issue in our world really makes your heart scream? Maybe for you it isn't kids like it is for me and that is 100% okay. I am just asking what makes your heart desperate to do something? Maybe it's abortion, sexual abuse and assault, domestic violence, gun violence, hunger, pollution, issues in the foster care system, the school systems, the list goes on and on and on. And let me just say, if you don't have "something", especially if you consider yourself a Christian, you need to sit down and think through your life. If you are SO wrapped up in your own little world to have nothing that someone else is going through bother you, your priorities are out of whack and need to be assessed ASAP. Whatever it is, can I challenge you today to get off your butt and do something about it? It doesn't have to be a huge thing. When we left yesterday, in some ways we barely made a dent in all the work that needed to be done on that playground. And yet in reality? Those kids now have a safe space where they can just come to play and forget all their worries, even if its just for 30 min at recess every day. It will change those kids lives. It will be a tiny bit less stressful for the teachers. So what can you do? You can volunteer. You can start a food drive. You cna mentor kids in the system or join Big Brother Big Sister. You can go back to school if you want to further advocate in an area that you are passionate about. You can create duffel bags for kids in foster care so they don't have to carry their belongings in trash bags. Take faith, politics, religion everything out of the question. If your money isn't where your mouth is, then your mouth should probably stop talking. It's time to step it up people. There are too many hurting people in this world, and it's time to do something about it, and stop just talking about what an issue it is.

Life Lessons From The Parent Trap

"7 Pembrook Lane" also known as 23 Egerton Terrace

I'm currently watching a movie I haven't let myself watch in at least 5 years. This particular film is my favorite movie of all time. You might guess a classic, such as "The Lion King" or "Mary Poppins" (my other two top favorites). But no. My favorite film? The 1998 Lindsey Lohan version of the The Parent Trap. I cannot even begin to count the number of times I have seen this movie, it's in the hundreds, minimum. I can still remember walking into the Disney Store and seeing this pale pink shirt with Annie and Hallie on it and BEGGING my Aunt Melanie to buy it for me. She did, and I wore that shirt until I physically could not get it on my body anymore because it was way too small. My cousin and I used to play "poker" aka checkers in my bedroom for my spare change, while listening to "Bad to the Bone" and I always had to lose because I was Annie, and she was Hallie. We had the handshake between Martin and Annie down to a T. I would often eat Oreos and Peanut Butter on October 11th (the twins birthday) My obsession with London grew once I saw this film, and I promised myself that someday I would go to London and find Annie's house. (fun fact: I did! :D)

So you are probably wondering if I loved the film this much, why on earth have I not allowed myself to watch the movie in so long? In short, my fear of pain and grief. During college I had a very, very close friend that loved the Parent Trap as much as I did. We could quote the lines back and forth to each other and always celebrated together with Oreos and Peanut Butter on October 11th. Heck, we even went and searched the streets of London until we found Annie's house together. Every moment of this movie makes me think of her. And here we are, may years out of college. This friend and I had a bit of a falling out a few years ago and while we still talk on rare occasion, our friendship is far from what it was while we were in college.

I've thought many times over the past few years about sitting down and watching this movie again, to let myself relive the happy moments of my childhood over again. And yet every time I tried it was clouded by the pain of losing this friendship, and feelings that I really did not want to feel. And yet, I have been on quite a journey over the past few years, but the past few weeks have especially resulted in growth and moving substantially forward. As I listened yesterday to the That Sounds Fun Podcast with my good friend Annie F. Downs and special guest Mike Donahue from Tenth Avenue, they talked about one thing in particular: our Western cultures fear of emotions. He talks about how we have been trained to avoid painful feelings at all costs, and just ignore them. He makes a comment towards the end of the podcast and says "That's the cool thing about being afraid: now you have a chance to be courageous. You can't be courageous without being afraid." That hit me. Every time I am afraid, I have a chance to be courageous. And, I have the ultimate team captain named Jesus, who has already conquered that fear multiple times over. I have spent my entire life running from painful feelings, avoiding them at all costs. And yet recently I have decided that enough is enough. Life is too short to keep running from things. It's too short to never watch my favorite movie anymore because I might have some painful feelings come up regarding my old friend. There are so many adventures left to explore, and if we let painful feelings get in the way of those adventures we are going to spend our entire lives sitting on our couch never really living, just surviving.

So this is my random thought of the day for you: Don't let your fear of emotions hold you back from all that you can experience today. Let the tears roll, let the anger out, scream, cry, do whatever you need to. Those memories? Your fear, anger, stress, sadness, pain? It has NO hold on Jesus which means it has no hold on you. Will it be fun? No, it won't. Will it hurt? Most likely. But you can do it. And the next time and the time after that will get easier and easier with each time you face the pain from a new perspective.

Podcast Link: https://www.anniefdowns.com/2019/08/06/episode-157-mike-donehey/

Emotional Physical Therapy

As I sat in therapy yesterday, my therapist came up with an analogy that I feel like describes my world perfectly right now. I told her about how hard the past few weeks have been for me mentally, and that I was dreading coming to therapy because I didn't want the pain to start all over again when I had just started to recover from last week. She stopped me and said "That's the thing about counseling, it's really like physical therapy. You come to your appointment, you go through a ton of pain while there, but feel slightly better afterwards only to be in more pain for the next few days. Finally, the pain starts to wear off and you have another appointment and have to start the process all over again. But with each appointment you get one step closer to resolving that area of pain." I don't think that I have heard a more accurate analogy to describe therapy in the 9 years that I have been in therapy. When you have a serious physical injury, it may take a lot of physical therapy and surgeries to recover. For some, it is a life long process. The same can be true with mental health. For some people, they may only need one session to get back in order. Others may need 3, 4, or even 20. But for many people, therapy becomes a life long process. A time to grow, reflect, and change on a regular basis. Taking risks to confront our deepest fears, and developing an understanding to why we hold our deepest beliefs.

I spent the first couple years of therapy embarrassed that I was even in therapy. I went to a small, private christian college where most people at least knew your face if they didn't know your name. I also had multiple student leadership positions, and was involved in a variety of extracurricular activities. To say that most people on campus knew who I was was probably an understatement, although I would consider myself by no means popular while in college. That being said, I didn't want most people to know that I was in therapy. If I had to sit outside my therapist's office in the hallway waiting, I was mortified thinking "What if someone sees me out there?! They are going to know why I am here!" I tried to hide my face in shame more often than not, hoping and praying that no one important would come talk to me while I was waiting.



And yet now here I sit, almost 9 years to the day that I started meeting with my therapist. As she made that analogy yesterday I thought to myself "Therapy is going to be a lifelong process for me, and I think that I am finally okay with that." This is a huge shift from the terrified 18 year old girl I described in the paragraph above. She was so afraid that people might find out she needed help, that something was "wrong" with her. When in reality? I've learned something over the years: there isn't anything wrong with me. Yes, I have anxiety and depression. Yes, I often struggle to manage change, and other things that overwhelm me. Yes, there are moments from my past that still make me really angry, and really hurt and I have trouble coping with them. But you know what I have realized? All of these things are part of the human experience. We all have moments from our past that have hurt us. We all have moments that were amazing, incredible, and indescribable and things we never want to forget. And I have finally come to terms with the idea that I actually want help managing it. I want to keep learning, growing, changing, and learning to love myself on new levels each and every day. If you know me well, you probably know that my therapist is my hero. She has helped me overcome more issues than I ever thought possible and every day she is helping me learn how to become my real self. She'll never read this, and that is entirely okay because that isn't the point. You might say "Well, than what is the point?!"

Here is my point, and my random thought of the day for you: It's okay to admit that you might need some help navigating through your life. It's okay to admit that things have hurt you, wounded you, maybe even it feels like things have destroyed you and you'll never recover. It's okay to want to grow, change, and heal. You do not EVER have to be ashamed of that, no matter what the world might tell you. Just as if it would be okay for you to go to weekly physical therapy for the rest of your life to keep your physical body functioning, it is also okay for you to go to weekly mental health therapy to keep your brain in working order. Can I challenge you today? If you have never been to see a therapist would you consider setting up an appointment? I promise that you won't regret it. It will be hard at times, but the growth and freedom that you will find throughout the process will be worth every second of pain that you go through.