Be Still My Anxious Heart

I move back to Concordia in around 17 days. I received my "Welcome to life at Concordia" packet in the mail today and my anxiety for the fall went from about 30% to 200% in about 2 minutes. I found out my dorm got switched and I still have no idea if I have a roommate. One of my close friends got switched to a dorm on the other side of campus, and my RA got changed to a different one. Added to this, one best friend is leaving for Mexico in less than a month and will be gone for a year, and the other best friend is leaving for Guatemala for the semester. Yikes.

Needless to say, I had a mini panic attack this afternoon. I was freaking out. (In case you don't know, I HATE change. I am a control freak in every way imaginable) I don't want a different dorm, or to have my friends not be near me, or to just have so much uncertainty placed before me. I want to know exactly what is going to happen, where it is happening, why it is happening, how it is happening, and who is going to be there. But life isn't like that. Unfortunately. Welcome to one of my biggest struggles in life- I can't control everything around me.

I was heading to bed tonight pouting, really not wanting my friend Ashley to be leaving for Mexico soon, and scared to death about what the fall is going to be like now that my plans appear to have changed a lot. But then, it was like God said to me"Child, BE STILL. I am here. I love you, and I have a plan. Be still."

So here is my random thought of the night for you- Change happens. Things are going to come that you aren't happy about. But God will never change. Be still. Let him have control over the entire universe and show you the way you need to go. Let your anxious heart be calm and still and sleep in peace tonight. I'm still not happy about everything that changed today, but I am choosing to be still and let God hold my anxious heart and guide my steps.

He Loves You!

Today as you may know, my uncle Mike suffered a severe asthma attack and will be taken off of life support in the morning. I heard this, and couldn't believe it. I have never understood why God takes some people out of our lives at what appear to us to be random times. And yet, he has a plan that we do not even understand.

This afternoon I was questioning what God was doing, why he was causing my family this pain. I went to a college group called Truth with my friend Becca tonight, and we watched a video  called Father of Lights- showing us who God truly is. In short- it tore me apart. This video showed God's love for his creation, his passion for our lives, and his unending desire to never leave your side. To carry you, to hold you to love you. He desperately wants to save you. He wants to take away your addictions, your pain, your heartache. He is the only hope that we can hang on to. That is what got me tonight. HOPE. God is my only hope. His salvation is my only hope. In this world, I have nothing. But through him, I have eternity in heaven. When someone close to you is losing the fight of life, Hope seems far away. Pointless, not real. But tonight I realized that while my uncle is dying, I have hope for my future- I know where I am going. And I want you to have this same hope. I realized tonight that I have so many family members and friends who I am not 100% sure know Jesus like I do. I want you to go to bed tonight knowing that you are going to meet your king in heaven when the time comes for you to leave this earth.

There is only one way to him. The video tonight explained it like this- There are many, many phone numbers in the world. But if you don't dial the number you need you aren't going to get anywhere. 1-800-JESUS is the number you need tonight. Tell him that you are desperate, in need of a savior and you want to be captured by his love and grace. He loves you more than you can even understand and wants his child to come to him so that he can hold you, love you, protect you and forgive you.

Tonight, my heart is heavy. My family member is losing the fight of life and it does bring pain to my heart. But through the love of Jesus, I have hope. I know he will carry me through this heartache.

If you don't know Jesus tonight, and you want to share in the hope that I have, please pray this prayer tonight.

Dear Jesus,
I know that I have sinned in my life, and done things that you did not want me to do. I also know that you sent your one and only son Jesus to take my place on the cross as punishment for my sins so that I can one day be reunited with you. Father, tonight please come into my life, come into my heart. Please forgive me for my sins, and help me to trust in your unfailing love. I accept your gift of eternal life and want to spend eternity with you. I need you Jesus. In your name I pray, Amen.

If you prayed this prayer tonight, or would like someone to pray with you, please contact me. I would love to tell you more about the hope I have in Jesus and share with you his promises in the Bible.

You are loved by the king of the universe. You are his child, and nothing will ever, ever change that.

Do I have to do it or do I want to do it?

It's finally Friday. For some reason, the weeks have gone by so quickly this summer. I have to admit though I am ready for a break for a few days. I have blogged about this a lot this summer, but the question is still on my mind- What are you going to do today to make today stand out from yesterday? To make it not just "another Friday" but a day that you will maybe remember a few weeks, or even months from now? I want every day of my life to be an adventure, not just "another day".

I have less than 30 days of summer left. So, I have decided that every day I am going to come up with a game plan, or a goal of at least one exciting adventure that I want to complete that day, or over the next few days. My goal for this weekend- Scan a bunch of my old pictures and documents laying around my room so that they don't eventually get destroyed. This is not a small feat- I have hundreds of pictures probably just sitting in a box waiting to be looked at. I have tons of papers that I need to save to help study for my Child Life certification exam in a few years. And yet, they are all sitting in piles in my room waiting for me to get the initiative to do something with them. Well, that day has arrived. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I will have everything saved to a couple of DVD's and I will feel a bit better knowing my documents are safe and won't get destroyed by me. I have been on a big organizational kick this summer... my room is fairly organized, not totally done yet but we are getting there.

So why am I telling you this? Simply because I want to tell you about every random detail that goes through my head? Of course not. I am telling you simply because of this- A little over a year or two ago I realized something, My life up to that point had been a life of "Because I have too." It was never because I wanted too, it was never because I was passionate about something, it was because I felt like I had to do whatever it was in order to be the person that everyone else wanted me to be. But then- I came to realize that my life can be whatever I choose to make it. Everyday can be an adventure if I choose to make it one. And that is why I am telling you all of this. I don't want whoever is reading this to live a life of "I have to." I want you to live a life of "I want to!" I want to change my life, I want to be happy, I want to be healthy. I want to be the person God created me to be. God didn't create us to be creatures of "I have to." That is why he gave us free will. We have to choose to love him, to follow him to trust him. We can't just do it because we feel like it is what we are supposed to do. We will be miserable. So that is my random thought for you today. Are you going to have an attitude of "I have to!" or "I want to be the person God created me to be!"

Don't Blink

I cannot believe it. In exactly one month from today I will be moving back onto campus to begin my Junior year of college. It seems like just yesterday that I was scared to death to start my freshman year, and now here I am almost done. Summer seemed to FLY by... I think it was because of Germany taking up all of May, but I still cannot believe how fast the time has gone. I never used to believe people that the older you get the faster time goes, but now I am starting to believe them. My friend told me that each year of college seems to go by a little bit more quickly than the one before. I am not sure that I am very happy about that. It is becoming more and more real to me that soon I have to become a "real" adult and the fun and games are over. I don't know if I am ready for that part of my life yet. I am excited to start a new chapter, but it is still scary at the same time.

I don't want to wake up ten years from now and feel like I let this time just slip away like sand. I want to know that I cherished every day, and did what I could to make a difference in someone else's life. I feel like we often say this, but we never do anything about it. I am tired of just trying to get through each day. I want to love the life God has given me even if some days are harder than others. I don't want time to fly by anymore. I said the same thing about a month ago, and here we are. Time still got away from me. I mean, lets be realistic- I still haven't finished moving back into my bedroom from Concordia, and now in a few weeks I am going to have to pack it all up again to move back! It's simply crazy.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- Don't let today slip away. Try and do something nice for someone else, take time for yourself to relax, go hang out with a friend you haven't seen in a while. Life is too short to be wrapped up in whether or not the house is clean, or if you are going to make enough money. Trust God- He will provide for all your needs. Take a deep breathe- He is with you and is walking through this day with you. "This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24