Two years ago, almost to the day, I spent my first night of college in Esther dorm. I remember this day, and most of the details that went with it. I know I cried at least once, not sure if this whole "college" thing was going to be as cool as everyone was trying to make it seem. It feels like an eternity ago, and yet it feels like just yesterday at the same time.
And here I am today. Two years later. A completely different person, and I am okay with that fact. I am now part of our student leadership team and today I got to help move in the freshman. As I took a step back I remembered what it was like to be in their shoes- terrified out of my mind and unsure of what lay ahead of me. I moved quite a few girls into Esther today, and then suddenly I couldn't handle it anymore. I literally had to step outside and I burst into tears.
It's move in day! I should have been excited, and happy and thrilled for a new year. But for a moment, I really wasn't. I moved people into my old SLR Ashley's room today, and it cemented one thing into my head: She is gone, things are different, you are no longer a freshman and she isn't coming back for a while. And suddenly, it was like all the emotion hit like a ton of bricks and I couldn't control it and had to step outside for a bit. I am going to miss her terribly, and it made me realize the impact that she has had on my life.
Ashley was exactly my age when she became the SLR of my freshman dorm. 20 and a Junior. I saw her and my RA as leaders, older students who I knew I could look up to and trust. Who I knew would protect me and take care of me. People who would be my friends. And I realized today that there are girls here who may grow to look up to me the way I look up to her. And in a lot of ways that scares the crap out of me. It's not that I don't think I could be there friend, or love them, or help them fall more in love with Jesus. It's just the fact that I still feel like a baby freshman sometimes. I still feel like I just got here and have so much more to learn. How could someone depend on me, if a lot of times I feel like I am in the same place as them?.
I know if God wants this to happen it will, even if I don't trust him to use the abilities he has given me. I am scared to possibly be an "older sister" to these girls. What if I let them down? I think this post is a little deeper than some of the stuff that I usually write. I may not feel ready to be this person in a freshmans life, but God has a plan for it.
So here is my random thought of the day: It is okay to cry. It is okay that I "ruined" move in day for myself to let myself take 5 min and cry. It is okay that Ashley is leaving, and that I am scared out of my mind to be her role in my life to someone else. It's okay because I know God is in control and will do whatever he needs to do in my life. So trust him, and let the tears flow. He has got you in his hands.
And here I am today. Two years later. A completely different person, and I am okay with that fact. I am now part of our student leadership team and today I got to help move in the freshman. As I took a step back I remembered what it was like to be in their shoes- terrified out of my mind and unsure of what lay ahead of me. I moved quite a few girls into Esther today, and then suddenly I couldn't handle it anymore. I literally had to step outside and I burst into tears.
It's move in day! I should have been excited, and happy and thrilled for a new year. But for a moment, I really wasn't. I moved people into my old SLR Ashley's room today, and it cemented one thing into my head: She is gone, things are different, you are no longer a freshman and she isn't coming back for a while. And suddenly, it was like all the emotion hit like a ton of bricks and I couldn't control it and had to step outside for a bit. I am going to miss her terribly, and it made me realize the impact that she has had on my life.
Ashley was exactly my age when she became the SLR of my freshman dorm. 20 and a Junior. I saw her and my RA as leaders, older students who I knew I could look up to and trust. Who I knew would protect me and take care of me. People who would be my friends. And I realized today that there are girls here who may grow to look up to me the way I look up to her. And in a lot of ways that scares the crap out of me. It's not that I don't think I could be there friend, or love them, or help them fall more in love with Jesus. It's just the fact that I still feel like a baby freshman sometimes. I still feel like I just got here and have so much more to learn. How could someone depend on me, if a lot of times I feel like I am in the same place as them?.
I know if God wants this to happen it will, even if I don't trust him to use the abilities he has given me. I am scared to possibly be an "older sister" to these girls. What if I let them down? I think this post is a little deeper than some of the stuff that I usually write. I may not feel ready to be this person in a freshmans life, but God has a plan for it.
So here is my random thought of the day: It is okay to cry. It is okay that I "ruined" move in day for myself to let myself take 5 min and cry. It is okay that Ashley is leaving, and that I am scared out of my mind to be her role in my life to someone else. It's okay because I know God is in control and will do whatever he needs to do in my life. So trust him, and let the tears flow. He has got you in his hands.
1 comment:
Crying is good...even real men cry...and out loud.
Just checking back for any new posts you may have written.
I’ve been a follower on your blog for a while now and would like to invite you to visit and perhaps follow me back. Sorry I took so long for the invitation.
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