Are You Walking the Talk?

* Note- there is no legitimate swearing in this video. The beeping is to make a point :)

This subject has been heavy on my heart the past few days, and something that I struggle greatly with. For those that know me- I talk. A lot. An awful lot. To some probably a bit too much. But in reality, it is who I am. It is how I deal with problems and process emotions and go throughout my day.

But our words have a lot of power. Sometimes we talk about things to make us feel better when in reality it is not making us feel better at all. It just eggs the emotion and anger on and on until it becomes a raging beast that we can no longer control and we feel as if we have to talk to everyone about the "thing" that is bothering us. At first we only talk to one person. Then two more. Then 4 more. Until finally, you can't remember who you have told what, and who you weren't supposed to tell, etc. Gossip is a big, big mess.

I loved the verse at the end of this video: "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be." James 3:9-10

When we complain and trash talk others and whine about how terrible they are being we are complaining about God's creation. His child who he created and loves more deeply than we will ever begin to understand. Thats not okay. How can we praise God with the same mouth that is spewing garbage about his creation?

I'm not saying we are perfect people. We aren't. I'm not expecting you or even myself to never say a nasty thing about someone ever again just because you read this blog post. It's not gonna happen. But here is my random thought of the day for you: What if you actually, legitimately tried to control your tongue? What if we actually attempted to think things through before we say them? No, we will never be perfect. But when you listen to the words that you say about someone else, or you say something that someone has asked you not to, it is going to hurt your heart if you think about it in a way of someone saying that about you. Not only that, it hurts God's heart too. So take some time today, and make sure that you are legitimately trying to walk the talk.

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Will Never Hurt Me. Biggest. Lie. Ever.

I hope that you will take time to watch this video, and take a minute and really think about all the baggage you are carrying in your life right now. If your like most people, you have a lot even if you didn't realize it right away.

This is a part in my life that I am working on right now; learning how to stop picking up new baggage, and how to let go of the old. Unfortunately  it isn't as simple as this video appears to make it although I wish it was. I think sometimes we think through the idea of letting go of a bag, and it sounds great until we think "WAIT! I think I need (insert item here- love, money, friends, family, etc.) and it is in that bag! If I let go of it, my life is going to fall apart. Thanks but no thanks God, I can keep on carrying this one till I don't need it anymore."

It's frustrating. It's tiring. It's irritating. But yet we keep parading through life weighed down by all the bags we carry around. And just like the video says, we depend on others to take away the weight of our baggage. That just won't work. Even if they start carrying a bag for us, that means we expect them to be ready and available whenever we may need that bag. We take away their own time and abilities to deal with their bags because they are carrying ours. It's simply not fair to them. And if they refuse to jump on the baggage train, we treat them terribly and act like it is their fault when in reality we are the ones with the problems. Someone very important to me told me this phrase yesterday and it has really stuck with me, she said this:

"Marissa, No one can fix your problems for you. No one else can be held responsible for your actions and your choices. No one else can save you. You have to be the one to take steps to help yourself, because if you won't, no one else can do it for you. If you won't help yourself, no one else can help you at all." 

Wow. There you have it folks. We can't hold others responsible for keeping our baggage under control. It is up to us, and up to God to get things under control. But you have to make that choice. No one else is going to make it for you.

So here is my random thought of the day, or more like a question of the day; What are you going to do with your baggage? Are you going to keep carrying it around and let it ruin your life and the lives of those around you? Or are you going to stand up and say "No. This is not how my story is going to end and I am going to change it."

It's up to you. I can't make you change your life. But I can tell you this- that once you start letting go of the baggage, your life truly begins to change in ways you would never expect. Letting go of baggage may mean doing things wayyy outside of your comfort zone: Going to counseling, having a hard conversation with someone, forgiving someone, getting help with an addiction, digging into your childhood and other past things that could be traumatic, or many other things.

God is calling you to something bigger than this and he desperately wants to help you with this so you can live a true life of freedom. He wants you to be able to run free, filled with joy from the life he has given you to live, but you can't run while you're holding suitcases. What are you going to choose today?

The Honest Cries of a Breaking Heart are Better than a Hallelujah

I think for the first time in my life tonight this song made actual sense to me. I was driving home back to Concordia this evening, and I just really told God what was on my mind. Mostly the bad and the ugly. There wasn't much good. Not gonna lie. There was a lot of yelling and tears. Some may say, "Why are you telling me this?! These are the kinds of things that you don't tell people- you are supposed to smile and be happy- you're a Christian." But thats the thing you all need to know. I'm not perfect, and I never will be. If I was, I wouldn't need Jesus. Being a Christian doesn't make my life a field filled with daisies. I still struggle and I still have trouble being honest with God about my struggles. My friend Ashley has told me a bajillion times that I need to be honest with God. And I really thought up until this point that I had been. Until tonight. Tonight I got real with God and I legit poured out what was on my heart.

This semester, my life has been turned upside down. I have had problems getting my practicum set up, relationship issues with people, friend problems, school problems, stress in general, and other crazy things that I never in a million years thought would happen have happened. If you can think of it, there is a good chance I have dealt with it over the past few weeks. And I hit a point last week where I finally said:

"God, I cannot do this anymore.What more do you want from me?!" 

I went through the rest of my week literally in some of the lowest pits I have ever reached in my life. Searching, questioning, yelling, praying, talking, and crying. Some are going to read this and contact me and say "Marissa I had no idea you weren't doing well. How can I help you?" I'm not writing this blog post to get your sympathy, or your help or your advice. So honestly- don't try to give it or ask how you can help. You can't. I'm on a journey to truly find God and I have to find Him without people giving Him to me on a silver platter. But then you may ask, "Then why are you telling me all of this if you don't want a pity party?!"

This is why I am telling you this: I want you to realize a lot sooner than I did that God loves our honesty better than a hallelujah sometimes. I have never been more honest with God than I was tonight. Ever. And I felt so free afterwards. Almost like I did something bad, but I know that I didn't. I poured my honest heart out to Him and I know He is going to answer me. So that is why I am writing this to you. I want you to find a way to be honest with God. Go for a drive and scream and yell and cry if you have too. I have never done anything like that in my life before and it was one of the most freeing things I have ever experienced. Or maybe just go to a quiet corner and let yourself cry and pray. But however you do it- show God what is truly on your heart right now. Don't butter it up and make it look pretty. If you are mad tell Him! If you are hurt tell Him! If you are lonely tell Him! He can take it and He will answer you in his timing. 

I'm not "fine/better/healed/over it" because of my conversation with God tonight. I have just for the first time laid everything out and said "God, I am coming clean. This is what I really think, how I really feel, and exactly why I don't trust you. Now what do you want me to do with this? Speak Lord, your servant is ready and listening and straining to hear your voice." Go be honest with God tonight. You won't regret it. I am not going to promise instant pain relief because in reality that won't happen. But I am promising that He will listen to you and will never stop loving you and He will light up your path out of your darkness if you choose to let Him. 

What Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Stronger!

This song, this video has been my anthem for the past two weeks or so. I listen to this song on the way to class and picture the kids in my mind and cannot help but smile. It's a lesson I am learning every single day, more so now than I ever have in my entire life.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

It seems like such a simple concept. But for many, there are days that seem like the stress and weight of the world is simply going to take you down and kill you. But in reality- it won't. It may seem like your world is crashing down, and nothing is going how you want it to. But I can promise you this, it isn't going to kill you. It is going to make you stronger. It's like working out for the first time in years- your muscles hurt, and you don't want to keep moving forward, you feel like your body has given up. But if you want to get better, stronger, healthier, you have to keep moving. You have to keep getting stronger. Day to day, it may seem like nothing has changed, but in reality you are becoming more of the person God wants you to be, and eventually you are going to reach the mountain top and be amazed by the person you have grown to be.

So here is my random thought of the day for you: Don't let the weight of the world take you down. Let it make you stronger. Stand up to your problems and fight back. Don't give up. Your fight, whatever it may be, is worth it for the end result. Trust me. 

Breath of Fresh Air

Today is a pretty typical February day in Michigan. It's cold, the wind is blowing and the sky is gray. To some, this is a depressing day and they want to run to Florida. Most days, I would agree. But today for the first time in a while I woke up, and I was simply thankful to have a brand new, fresh clean slate day before me. It was like the real wind outside came in and blew away all the "gunk" in my heart and head that has been holding me back for the past few weeks.

Since this semester started, my brain has been somewhere else. Not at school, not at home, not even with God. It has just been MIA. It has been extremely frustrating to say the least. My day to day life has been off and my routine has been thrown out of whack for seemingly no apparent reason. Last night, I finally just got tired of it. I was journaling and I told God I was done, and I didn't know what to do anymore. Please help. Love Marissa.

And then, a song came up on my Itunes. And the message was simple- "Don't lose heart. Don't give up. Don't lose faith. Listen to the voice inside that still calls out your name. Look into the eyes of your saviors face, and you will find your resting place." I had never heard this song before. I literally downloaded it randomly last week and forgot about it. But it was right where I was at last night and just what I needed. Kind of cool to see how God works in such mysterious ways. And I went to bed for the first time at peace, knowing that God has not left me in this season that I simply don't understand.

I woke up this morning, refreshed and renewed, ready to take on this week set before me with Jesus at my side. In some ways I feel like a miracle took place in my heart last night, because who I was last night and who I am this morning are two different people, and it is amazing.

So here is my random thought of the day for you; Trust Him. Trust His plan. Even when the tears keep you up at night and you think you will never even make it to the morning without dying of heartache. Don't lose heart. He is here with you and will never, ever leave you. He loves you more than you can even fathom, and is going to use this pain in your life in ways that you cannot even fathom right now. Be still. Trust Him with your heart, and just sit in His presence for a while. You will find your resting place.

21 Here I Come!

Well, here it is. February 7th, 2013 and only minutes away from my 21st birthday. This birthday feels different from the other ones. Looking back over the past few years of my life, I simply cannot believe where I am at today. I have changed so much over the past few years, and in a lot of ways it just blows my mind. God has done so much in me, and in my life it is truly astounding and amazing! So as I enjoy the last few minutes of being 20, I wanted to share some of my highlights and blessings of the past year of my life :)

-Levi Austin was born 6 days before my 20th birthday! HUGE blessing to this year!
- I got to do a lot of new things including self defense, shooting a gun, and many others!
-I got to have fun with friends at Concordia at Formal, Follies, Graduation and much more!
- I got to watch my best friend Ashley Hayes Hart graduate and go to Mexico!
- I got to know my best friend Rebecca Rene Chaplin a whole lot better!
- I got to start of 2013 at Passion!!!! :D :D
- I learned how to eat new foods that don't make me sick :)
- I grew in my faith in a huge, and exciting way!
- I was challenged in relationships, and shown how to build stronger relationships
- I got to travel to Florida on two separate occasions!
- I was accepted to the Family Life Program at Concordia!
- I went to Germany and Austria!!!!!!!!!

This is only a few highlights. Wow. God has insanely blessed me this year! I can only imagine what year 21 will bring!

So here is my random thought of the day for you: Don't view birthdays as something negative. View them as a day to take a step back and be thankful for all the amazing things God is doing and has done in your life!

Sometimes God Blows my Mind!

I'm sitting here at work in the Box Office watching the snowflakes gently fall to the ground, and I simply can't get over how beautiful, peaceful and calming it is. I went in to today thinking that it was going to be very stressful, and that I was going to have to deal with some stuff that I simply did not want to have to deal with. And yet, God took care of it. All of it. Every detail. He showed me that His love for me truly is casting out my fear of things going wrong, and that I can trust his plan for me.

Coming back to the snowflakes, we have all heard a million times that snowflakes are all individual and unique. God designed every single one. Bajillions of snowflakes all over the world, and he knows the unique design of each one. Amazing. And yet here I sit, little old me, worrying about stuff at my practicum, or my friendships or whether or not so and so is still mad and me. And I seriously question everyday whether or not God can fix it or handle it or I can trust him with it.

Dude. Really? I just can't wrap my mind around it today that God really knows every intimate detail right down to our core. He is so trustworthy, so powerful, so awesome. What is it going to take for us to start living like we believe it?!

That is my random thought of the day for you. If God can handle creating billions of snowflakes, He can handle our pity problems. He can handle the family drama, and make needed money appear out of nowhere. Trust Him today and let him take over and give you the rest you so desperately need!