He is my Everything

I am sitting here in my bedroom just a few short days after finishing my last undergrad classes. As I have had this free time over the past few days, I have began to think over my time at Concordia and especially looked back over the last year of my life and been incredibly amazed by how much I have changed in the course of one year.

Many people say that you will change the most during your Freshman year. College is new, and exciting and fresh. But I beg to differ, or at least say that I did not follow this idea. I would say that the most change in my life occurred during my Junior to Senior years of college.

As I look back over this year, I have encountered an incredible amount of challenges and blessings both with friends and personally: New life, death, disease, suicide, depression, finances falling through, relationship struggles, huge faith struggles, friends graduating, internships, practicums, and being taken far out of my comfort zone are just a few. And yet somehow? We overcame them all. How? There is only one answer: Jesus.

A year ago? My faith simply part of me. Yes, I was a Christian. I knew the Bible school answers and could walk the walk and talk the talk. I was a "look good" Christian. I could quote a million Bible verses about persevering through trial and simply "Trusting God". But really? Truly? There were some days that I didn't believe one word of what I said to other people. I would tell myself "Oh yeah, that is true for them but not for you." My faith was part of my life, but it was not my identity. I so desperately wanted my faith, for God to be everything to me. But He wasn't. And it literally took me walking through the valley of the shadow of death for me to get what it means for Him to be everything.

Now? Today? My faith is everything to me. My Bible, My Jesus-my Savior and Friend are how I I function and survive every day. His saving grace has never been more real to me and his love never been so alive and real. My identity is found soley in Christ Alone and I would not want to have it absolutely any other way. As I look back over this year, and I see how he legitimatly walked with me and talked with me and comforted me through these deep valleys, my heart cannot help but fall in love with him. He listened to me during nights when I would scream and cry to him about how I did not understand his plan or his word. He would gently hold me as I questioned if he was real or if he was really with me. He kept whispering my name as I screamed his name trying to find him. And he showed me finally how to be still, and listen for his voice and realize he never stopped calling my name.

So I sit here. After a year that has been beyond crazy and I cannot help but be beyond thankful. I would not change one challange that I faced because it led me to the greatest, loving, most selfless relationship I have ever encountered in my life. And that is incredible to me.

So this is my random thought of the day for you: Don't give up. Keep fighting. When he is all you want, you will find him. He will reveal himself to you in ways you cannot imagine or expect. Keep screaming, keep crying, keep hoping. He hasn't left you and he never will. And when the storm calms down, and you fall into this place of realizing that you have had everything you have ever needed the entire time, it will all be worth it in the end!