Missing You

What does it mean to miss someone? To me, it means that they are not with you at that certain moment, and you wish that they were. I am missing a lot of people right now. I miss some of the people I have met at Concordia, as well as some of my close friends. It is odd- because I already miss one of my friends and she doesn't leave to go back to Grand Rapids until tomorrow. It's almost like I am preparing myself for what is to come. I really have no idea when I am going to see her again, and in a way that scares me a little.

I wonder sometimes, can we miss God? That thought just popped into my head. When we long to read the Bible or pray, maybe it is because we are missing God? It may not feel like it does when you miss another human, but I think that sometimes we do start missing God if we don't talk to Him for a while.

Sometimes I wish things didn't have to change. Sometimes I wish bad things didn't happen. Sometimes I wish that my friends didn't go to school so far away. I wish all these things, but what astounds me is that God still has a better plan that what I can even imagine. He is using these aspects of my life that I don't want to change so that I can help others. I may not like it or understand it at times, but he still has a better plan.

Maybe when we are missing God, God also is missing us. Kind of an interesting thought.

Christmas 2010

So, Christmas Eve will be over in a little more than 30 min. As far as Christmas Eves go, this one has been pretty good. I LOVED seeing my family!! It was so good to catch up with my Aunts and Uncles and cousins. I have missed them sooooo much. I wish we got together more than once a year. I got some pretty cool presents, and had a lot of fun. Sometimes I wonder why people get so excited over the gifts. The gifts are great (Not gonna lie, I LOVE my Celtic Thunder CD) but in reality, the people are so much better. I wouldn't have cared if I didn't get any presents today. It was just so great to catch up with everyone. It's days like today that remind me that it is people that matter- not stuff. Christmas morning is coming soon, there will be more presents to open, and a day to spend with my family.

I am really thankful for the people that God has given me, and the presents he has blessed me with. Merry Christmas everyone!

New Start

I cannot wait for my next semester of college to begin. After spending some time with God over break, I have realized that I have some major life changes that need to take place.  I have realized that each day, I am simply trying to survive. I go around just trying to get by, never really doing my best. I never give it my all relationship/people wise or schoolwork wise. A teacher of mine once said to me, "Marissa, if you would actually try, you could so easily be a 4.0 student, but for some reason you keep choosing not to try!I always blame it on my seemingly inability to focus, but I feel like there is more reasoning behind not trying. Why don't I try? I really don't know.

What would happen if I tried to thrive instead of just survive? What if I  tried to work harder academically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally? What would happen? Would I be happier? Would people notice a change? I really don't know. But the real question is, is it worth the hard work to get there? I think it is.

When people meet me and get to know me, I want them to know that I am different. I am tired of talking the talk, and only half walking the walk. I don't care anymore if people think I am weird or sheltered because I don't find their sexual innuendoes funny. I don't want to be someone who goes and talks about people behind their back. I want to stop doing what is wrong, and go towards what is right.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ⁸ Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 1 Timothy 4:7-8


My friends mom passed away a few months ago. I always think of her when I see this verse.  Her life has challenged me to strive each and every day to become a better person, and truly get to know the Lord. I want to not only know Him, but I want others to know Him like I do. To want to do nothing more than read your Bible and devotionals all day. Or sit in your room and listen to praise music. I want to run the race, and I want to Finish Well. 

Gossip

So, What exactly is gossip? Where is the line between gossiping and venting about a situation? A friend just posted on her blog about she has realized how much she has been gossiping since she went to college. I thought about it, and realized that I have done the same thing. Since when is it okay for us to talk to everyone we want about problems we are having with other people? Since when is it okay to complain about someone and trash talk them? It's not okay. I was in a situation about a week ago with a friend of mine. I flipped out because she was talking about me behind my back. I later realized that I was doing the same thing - talking about her behind her back to our other friends because she had made me angry. It was okay for me to say whatever I wanted, but I didn't want her saying anything about me. When did this become okay? It isn't okay, and I need to stop it right now. I really like how God gets ahold of us at just the right time. This new semester coming up is going to be different. I am done with dealing with people how I used too. It's time to start showing God's love to people, no matter how much they may hurt us or bother us.

Restless

I found this song.... It's called Restless by Audrey Assad. It's really good. It's words are so true.

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You


We can only find true rest when we decide to rest in God.  Why do we waste our time trying to find comfort and rest in anything but God? It is so pointless, and a waste of our time. We won't truly find rest until we go to Him. It is so hard though, don't you think it would be easy? Easy to rest in someones arms as they hold us and take care of everything that is wrong. Why is that so hard for us? It has been said that people are lazy, and always trying to get someone else to do things for them. If this is so true, why do we fight God so much when he wants to take control? I don't understand it. I definitely do it myself, and I get so angry when I do. Why can't we just give up and rest in God's hands?

A Little While Later

Well, I can honestly say that I have been on FB more lately than I would like to admit. Still not as much as I used to be, but more than I would like to be. My life is interesting right now; that is the only words I can use to describe it. Not necessarily bad, but not great either. I still turn to Facebook when I get bored, and I hate it. I still find it utterly boring, yet I still go to it. I might be limiting my time on that site to once a day. It's ridiculous to spend the amount of time that I do on a dumb website. If I want to use it for communication, than once a day is all I need to check it. The end.

Facebook Addict Day 8

So, today was the first day that I didn't tell myself that I wasn't allowed to go on Facebook. So, I think I checked it around 3 or 4 times and spent a total of 30 min. on the site. In all honesty, I find it quite boring now. I only found it useful today for communicating with a few of my friends quickly. Other than that, I found it boring and a waste of time. I don't think I have to worry about spending mindless hours on that website anymore.

Facebook Addict Day 7

Well, it has officially been 168 hours since I was on Facebook last. It's strange- I don't miss it almost at all anymore. I think I am going to go on the website for the first time in a week.... I'm not really excited though, I don't really feel like I have been missing anything. The only reason why I am going to get on is because there is at least one message that I know that I need to read. Other than that, I feel like why bother? It's not like anything in my life this week went drastically wrong because I haven't been on the website. I think I have decided that I am going to check Facebook max 1-2 times a day. Anymore than that is just ridiculous. If people need to get in touch with me, pick up a phone or send me an email. And, I finished my English project that is worth like 500 points. I feel extremely accomplished! :D I will still keep this up the next few days and see how it is going.

Facebook Addict Day 6

So, I barely had time to even think about Facebook today....My day was filled with hwk and Boars Head. I am not even sure if I am going to get on Facebook tomorrow.... I still have a TON of hwk to get done for next week. We will see. I am borrowing a new devotional from my friend Stephanie. I like it so far, hopefully this will help me to start spending a little more time with God each day. More tomorrow.

Facebook Addict Day 5

Sooooooo it has been an interesting day.  I don't miss Facebook nearly at all anymore. In a way I am dreading going back to the temptation. I don't miss anything except for my connections with people that is it. Tonight was our first performance of Boars Head. I would say that it went well. My friend Jacob surprised me and came, which made me really happy. I love seeing my high school friends. It always makes my day a little brighter. I just got back from a late night run to Starbucks with my friend LeRae. I am drinking a frappechino at 10:50 at night. This is not good. There is nooooo way I am going to sleep at all tonight. Oh well. At least the frappechino tastes good :) Another update tomorrow :)

Facebook Addict Day 4

Oh.My.Goodness. Let me just first say that Celtic Thunder was one of the greatest things I have EVER experienced in my entire life!!!!!!!!!! AAAHHHH! SO STINKEN AMAZING! In other words, I had a great time and really enjoyed myself, and it was a break from my usual life that I really truly needed.

I haven't really missed Facebook all that much today.... I thought about logging on a couple of times, but that was about it. I am starting to not miss it as much I guess. I guess I will have to go back to it eventually, but I don't really want to at this point. I hate not being able to connect with my friends and family easily, but other than that, what is there to miss? Pointless games like Bejeweled Blitz that waste my time? I am in the process of trying to find some balance in my life..... currently it is like a horribly unbalanced teeter totter that tends to start spinning in circles every once in a while. :P

Facebook Addict Day 3

So, it has been three days. I am liking this more and more the longer I go. I am truly realizing how much time I waste on that dumb site. I did 5 hours of homework today. Count them. FIVE. I have never been able to focus that long on hwk in my entire life! I am relearning how to be productive, and I LOVE it! I'm still not sure that I am going to get a good grade on either of the assignments that I worked on, but I know that I did my best, and that is all that matters. I literally focused for five straight hours, except for about 10 min, when my friend made me take a break because I was starting to go crazy after about 3 or 4 hours. I also realized other things that I am lacking in, such as my spiritual life. I really, really need to start spending a lot more time with God. And, I realized what awesome people he has put in my life. I have gotten to spend some awesome time with my Spiritual Life Rep. in my dorm, and we have decided that we are going to pray together every night while I am super stressed, and even after everything gets better. I am truly blessed. I still miss Facebook, but I still don't know what I miss. I guess its just because sometimes I get bored.... then I realize the insane amount of hwk that I guess I have just been ignoring for the past few weeks. Right now, I am stressed, and really tired, but I feel so much better knowing that I am finally giving it my all. Oh, and by the way, We had our first snow today!!! :D And I am going to see Celtic Thunder tomorrow!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D

Facebook Addict- Day 2

So, today has been pretty easy. I have wanted to check Facebook a couple of times, but I am actually enjoying not wasting so much time. I got a lot of homework done today, and I feel a lot better knowing that I am using the time that I have wisely instead of only half focusing on hwk while mainly playing on Facebook. It's odd- because I keep telling myself that I want to check FB, but I don't really know why that I want too. What is it that I really miss? Is it my friends or family? Because I could easily call them. Is it the pictures? Is it the games? I don't really know at this point. Maybe I will have a clearer answer by the end of the week. I am contemplating staying off longer than a week. As much as I hate not going on the website, I almost like this challenge that I have given myself, and I like that I am succeeding. So far, I have not accidentally logged on today =)

Facebook Addict- Day 1

So, it has almost been 24 hours since I decided that I was going Facebook free. I can honestly say it has been really hard at some points, and really easy at others. About an hour ago, I was on the phone, and I got on my laptop. Before I even realized what I was doing, I saw that I was logging into Facebook. I immediately logged out without even looking at anything. I was sitting there thinking, "Wow. This is really sad. It shows how mindlessly I go to Facebook. This truly is a pathetic addiction that I need to stop."

I am starting to not really miss it all that much. I hate not being connected to my friends, but other than that it is just a time waster. I still haven't started my homework, but that is due to other things in my life. Other distractions that I am not necessarily trying to get rid of, but I am trying to prioritize. Life can be truly complicated. That is how I am going to sum up today.

Facebook Addict

So, I think I have officially decided that I am a Facebook Addict. Earlier this evening I decided that I am going to take at least a week long break from Facebook. I have decided that I rely too much on other people, and need to take a break. How did I get to this place in my life where I spend hours just waiting for people to comment on something to do with my life? It makes me kind of sick. What was my life like before I spent hours on a website? I know that my grades in school were better, and I spent more time doing my homework. I didn't get distracted as easily, and I didn't rely so much on people's opinions. I spent more time outside, and doing activities such as painting, writing, reading, and drawing. It's not that I don't like these activities anymore, I just claim that I never have the time to do them. It's really frustrating to me that I have gotten to this point. It has only been about 3 hours, and I have thought about checking Facebook at least 3 or four times. This is pitiful. I will make it through this week without checking Facebook, no matter how hard it is for me.

Facebook

So, Facebook. I have had a Facebook account for the past year and a half approximately. I spend a lot of time on this website, and I sometimes wonder "What was my life like before I had a Facebook?" I honestly can't remember. I wonder how I used to mindlessly spend my free time before I spent hours on a website. Yeah, its great to chat with people, and see pictures and so forth. But sometimes I wonder what my life would be like now if I had never gotten a Facebook. How would I spend my free time? Would I have a better relationship with God? Would I call and talk to my friends more often instead of talking to them on chat? Would I send letters and postcards in the mail instead of writing on someones wall or sending an inbox message? I really don't know. I would like to think that Facebook hasn't had a negative impact on my life. I would like to think that it has helped me maintain relationships with people that I wouldn't otherwise have kept in contact with. I used to waste a lot of time on mindless things, but I feel that now I spend a lot of mindless time on Facebook. What could I do with the hour or more that I usually spend every day on Facebook? I could paint, draw, take pictures, watch a movie, journal, read my Bible, spend time with my siblings, the possibilities are endless. ]

Boredom

Who invented being "bored"? My brother and sister claim that they are bored. I think it is harder to be bored the older you get. I am content with doing absolutley nothing, yet they can't stand it. Other times, I understand and I want nothing but to be on the go. In the century that we are in, boredom should not be possible, there are soooooooooo many things that we can spend our time doing, yet we choose not to do them. Why do we choose not to do them!?!? I don't understand it.

Sweet Summertime

Summer amazes me. I love having time to do whatever I want. Some people waste this time. I try not too. Today has been so good. I love spending my mornings out under our canopy on our deck and doing devotions. I wish I had all this time during the school year to just sit on my deck and explore God. Everyone has a different place where they find God the most. I think I find God in nature. It never ceases to amaze me how God has such intricate designs in nature. Something as simple as clouds are fascinating. Wow. Where do you find God?

Something to think about...

Okay,

So usually I would never post twice in one day. If I post once a week, it is a miracle. But today was an interesting day. I signed up for my college classes, and it has made me feel so great. I feel like I have something to look forward to, a brand new beginning with brand new people. It is so exciting, yet terrifying at the same time. I think I am going to like life at Concordia.

College

Well, I am officially a college student. It's so crazy to think about... I feel like I was just in Kindergarten!! I am excited to start the next school year, but it is going to be weird without my friends.... I have had the same friends since Kindergarten, and I can't imagine going to school without them. The students I met today were very nice, and I think I will like going to Concordia, but it will definitely be a different experience than high school.

Summer has Begun!

Well, Summer is finally here. Am I happy? I guess so. It's weird to think that this is my last summer before college. I had to say goodbye to one of my friends a few days ago, as she spends the summer on the other side of the state. I have said goodbye to her each summer but this year it was just so different. I really don't know when I am going to get to spend time with her again. And that is kind of a sad, scary thought. But I know it will be okay in the end, I have God on my side =) . I don't want to waste this summer. It may not be your last summer before college, but what are you going to do to make sure that you don't waste your Summer of 2010?

Grrr....

So, soccer practice today. It was really chilly outside.... I felt that I worked hard, but I am aggravated with myself. I messed up simple things, and was not doing things right. My right foot also started hurting again.... Why do dumb things like this happen when we enjoy something so much? I finally got into a groove this soccer season, I was ready to give it all, and I get a simple injury and have been out almost all season. All I can say is WHY? I just want to play soccer! Do you ever wonder why God lets things happen to us that we can't stand? I wonder sometimes. I know it is to make us stronger, but that doesn't always make it fun. Or easy for that matter.

Time

Wow... I hadn't realized how long it has been since I have updated my blog. It has been almost two years. Wow time flies!! I'll be graduating in a few months, scary how fast the years have gone bye. Sometimes I wish I could just hit a button and make everything slow down. Have you ever wanted to sit back and watch your life as you go through it? Almost like a movie? I have often thought that would be cool. Why do we rush so quickly through our days? I am currently on spring break, and it is so nice to just relax. Why do we always feel like we have to rush?