Balance

My life finally feels balanced for the first time in months. I feel like God has the control where He needs too, and I have control where I need to. I finally am not fighting God anymore for control. It is so relaxing. I am enjoying peace in God's presence. I'm not saying I will never get to a point again where I may feel unbalanced, but for now I am content with where I am at.

For the first time, probably ever in my life I think I am truly learning how to not rely entirely on people. For a short time, I used to have a balance; rely on 90% God, 5% others, 5% me. Then, stuff happened and those numbers got very messed up. Sometimes I wasn't relying on God, other times I felt that I couldn't rely on myself or on others at all. But for the first time I feel like I have regained a balance and it is so comforting. People will fail you and hurt you, but you need to able to learn to trust people again even if it is scary. I am finally learning this lesson.

I feel like Lent is helping this idea in my head. I think a lot people, myself included use Facebook to kind of keep their self esteem up. You feel loved and popular if people write on your wall or send you notes. But by taking that away, it forces you to see that people do love you and care about you even if you don't have the constant reminder from Facebook. I like not being on Facebook. A lot. The only thing I miss is not being able to upload pictures.... :P

I think I need to change how I am wording what I gave up for Lent. In a sense, I think my plan is not to entirely give up junkfood, but to start eating healthier in general. I don't want to have to cancel plans with my friend to order pizza tonight, when I promised her last week that we would. But at the same time, I don't want to eat fries every day in the cafeteria. I think that I have decided that I can occasionally have junk food, but no more than once every few days.

I hope you all are having a good week, because I most certainly am.