2011: A Year to Remember

My friend did this a few days ago on her blog, and I really liked it. I hope you enjoying looking back over the year of 2011 with me!! :)

January
January I started my 2nd semester of my freshman year of college. I got to experience my first CIT (Concordia Invitational Tournament) which was totally awesome!! I also started my interview of Helga Jubin for a class I took. Helga is an amazing lady who immigrated to the US when she was a teenager and I learned many things about her life. It was amazing to get to hear about life from her perspective and to learn more about my friend Lynn's family. January I learned the importance of being surrounded by people you love and choosing to do things because you know it is right for you, not just because someone else wants you to.

February
In the beginning of February I got to go to my first WCA homecoming as an alumni. I also turned nineteen. I realized how blessed I am to be surrounded by so many loving friends who helped me to celebrate. I also got to go to my first Concordia Women's Ministry Meeting, which in turn changed my entire life at Concordia as now I am on the leadership team. My favorite part of February? I got to take my friend Lynn to Magic Kingdom for the first time when we spent spring break in Florida with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. In February, ironically I learned the importance of love. I learned what it meant to be surrounded by people who love you, and I realized that romantic relationships are not everything in life.

March
The first thing that stands out about March is Lent. I gave up Facebook for Lent, and while it was hard, it was the best thing I ever did. It was SO nice to not have the distraction to deal with on a daily basis. I also got to experience round 2 of Tool Time which was unbelievably amazing! I got to work with an amazing group of middle schoolers who helped remind me what it means to wholeheartedly follow God no matter what the cost. In March I also applied to be an SLR for my Sophomore year. In the end, I wasn't given a position and it was very hard for me to accept at first. March helped me learn that God is ALWAYS in control, and our plan may not be his plan.

April
April 2011 is a month I don't think I will forget any time soon. At the beginning of the month, I made one of the hardest decisions of my entire life. I decided to cut off a relationship that was causing me more harm than bringing me good. It caused a lot of pain, a lot of tears, and a lot of very long, hard nights. But I got through it- all because of God. He surrounded me with TONS of people to get me through, including my amazing home friends, my SLR Ashley, and many other people on Concordia's campus who helped me to realize that God had a plan for me without this person in my life anymore. April made me realize that God will be right there through every moment of my life, good and bad. Painful and joyful. It may not have been a fun month, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

May
The first week of May I finished my freshman year of college. I had to move out of my dorm, and say goodbye to some people I now consider as close as family. There were a lot of tears, a lot of hugs, and a lot of pictures. I went home for my first summer as a college student. At the end of May, I got my wisdom teeth out. Horrible experience. I had a dry socket, and experienced a TON of pain. May also marked the death of a very special kid named Ian Jenkins. The WCA family was changed and will never be the same, but we will never forget Ian. May taught me that while the future is incredibly uncertain, God will show you the way even if the path is not all clear at once.

June
June was almost all work, no play. I worked 3 jobs over the summer including my marketing job, a housecleaning job, and a babysitting job that fell through before I started. I got to go to open houses for the class of 2011 and see my friends and enjoy being off school. June taught me that working during the summer instead of laying around all day was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

July
July marks my last month of working for Concordia Marketing, a really sad, frustrating month. I didn't understand why God had taken 2 jobs away from me this summer, and why he took jobs away that my two bosses who needed employment more than me. I also got to go on an amazing camping trip with some of my best friends, and go see my friend Beth at the conference ground where she works all summer. Midway through the month, I was offered a spiritual life team position as Prayer Coordinator which was a huge answer to prayer.  July taught me that God will provide, no matter what the circumstance.

August
August marks the start of my sophomore year of college. I took part in leadership training for SLC and was challenged to leave my comfort zone and learn to trust people I barely knew. It was amazing. God took me to new places that I never thought I would be. I made new friendships, and discovered that I can have friends who share my values, and not just be friends with people because they accept me. I gained some friends and lost some friends, but it was worth it. August taught me that while God may lead me in a direction that is terrifying, it will all work out in the end and the journey is 100% completely worth it.

September
September my great Aunt Ellen died. She was such a special lady to me, and I will treasure my memories with her forever. I spent hours reading the letters she wrote to me and soaking in everything she told me in them. I also got to go on my first spiritual life team retreat at my good friend Ashley's cabin up in Indian River. It was one of the best weekends of my entire life! September taught me about joy through pain. September was a crazy month, probably the craziest of this year and yet it was probably one of the happiest for me.

October
October was another chaotic month full of changes. I switched dorms, got into some pretty deep arguments with some people and just kind of had a rough time. But everything worked out, and I became very happy in the end. October also marked Senior Night in volleyball for one of my best friends who is like an older sister to me, Ashley Hart. It is hard to believe that you can only know someone for a year, and yet they become like family to you. Ashley was my SLR last year, and I love her dearly. While I am beyond sad for her to almost be done here at Concordia, I cannot, cannot wait to see where God takes her next. October taught me that even while things are absolutely crazy, God will always provide people who will have your back and keep you calm and get you to where you need to be.

November
November was probably the most uneventful month of my year. However, the first weekend of November was Tool Time, which is my favorite weekend of the school year. I stayed up till almost 5 am working on a video one night of all the high schoolars and I wouldn't change one minute of it. God broke my heart that weekend and showed me that it is possible to face pain without having certain people right by my side all the time. November showed me how to begin to heal, and how to change. It showed me how to rely on God over everyone and everything else and how to become Unshaken in my faith.

December
Here we are. The last month of the year. December was a rocky month- Boar's Head, recitals, papers, projects, finals, Christmas. That pretty much sums it up. December was rough for me on one level because no one came for Christmas this year. It was hard for me to accept, and I still haven't really accepted it. But, on the other hand my aunt flew up from Orlando the first week of December and surprised me at Boars Head. I don't think I have ever burst into tears so quickly in my life. That being said, December taught me about what life really is like. It showed me I am loved by my family enough to fly somewhere for literally 3 days. It showed me that Christmas is still Christmas even if no one decides to celebrate with us. And it showed me that through all of it, God is here and will never leave me. He is never going to cancel or change plans, he will never have anything better to do. He is here with me 24/7. Who could ask for anything better than that?!

It's December 31st, 2011. As I look back on this year all I can say is WOW. Thank you Lord for blessing me with trials, as well as times of joy and peace. I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Flowers Come to Show, That All that Rain was Helping Me to Grow!

Most people aren't thinking about rain at the end of December, at least not here in Michigan. But tonight, I have had rain on the brain. Above is one of my favorite songs called "Rain" by Sara Groves 

My friend Stephanie wrote a poem about the healing rain of God earlier this evening and it got me thinking. Her poem talked about God drenching us in his love and pouring his love, security, and peace onto us as we go about our lives. It was just beautiful.

Thinking about where I was a year ago, I cannot believe how far I have come. I cannot believe how much has changed and how many things I have experienced. Many times when I am talking about the "rain" in my life I am talking about the hard times that I don't really want to deal with but I know that I have too in order to be the person God wants me to be. But Stephanie's poem showed me that there is another view of rain that we may not think about everyday. Rain is not a bad thing- It may cause us to be hurting, sad, angry, or even afraid. But in that rain and in the storm, we can always see God. His love in every single one of those raindrops that hit us. When I think of God's love in a torrential  downpour, it just makes me smile from ear to ear and just soak it up. I want to jump in the puddles and be soaked to the bone.

Go soak up God tonight. I don't care how you do it, but go soak up his neverending love for you. Listen to music, read your Bible, go jump in the snow and make a snow angel. But remember this, no matter what clouds you are facing in your life, God loves you more than anything, and he is going to get you through this time in your life.  

All the flowers will come to show, that all this rain is helping you to grow. 

Sometimes, Thinking About Christmas Makes Me Cry

Yesterday day my friend Emily and I stopped at Paul dorm to pick up a cookie sheet from our friend Ashley. (The RA of Paul is my RA from last year, and Ashley is my old SLR. I love them both to death.) Emily and I got to the door, and while we were waiting for Ashley she said "WOW! I wish I lived in this dorm! Look at all the pretty decorations they have put up!!" and suddenly, I burst into tears. You wouldn't think that something that simple would make someone cry, but it did. I told her about how I missed living in such a great dorm surrounded by people I love. I miss all the pretty decorations, and the excitement of celebrating baby Jesus birth. It made me miss living in Esther terribly. Christmas was beyond wonderful last year- the decorations made our dorm our home, not just a building we lived in. And my RA and SLR made Esther our home. Sometimes, I still really miss my "home" Sometimes, Christmas makes me cry. 

Christmas isn't going to be the same this year. Honestly, I would give anything to spend it with my family. I could care less about the presents, but I guess sometimes this is just how life is and it honestly infuriates me. I don't know what Christmas Eve will be like without my family around, and honestly it makes me cry. I have never spent a Christmas without my dad's family and I wish it didn't have to be this way. And yet there is nothing I can do about it. No matter how much I protest and cry, it isn't going to change anything, and that is hard for me to accept. 

Tears of thankfulness, tears of hope
I cry tears of joy at Christmas cause I know
There is peace on earth for every heart to find
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry

This Christmas may not be going exactly how I want it to, but I know that I will find peace about it and it will still be great. Sometimes thinking about Christmas makes me cry. And I am okay with that.