Day One of the Rest of My Life

I heard this song on January 1st. I really liked it, but I didn't think much of it. I figured I would download it when it actually came out, and that was that. Today, this song became available on Itunes and I decided to download it. As I have sat here listening to this song this morning, I really began to listen to the words and think about their meaning.

Recently I was talking to my therapist about a fight I had had with someone recently and how stupid I thought the fight was. I was expecting her to agree with me, and be happy that I stuck up for myself and held my ground. Instead? She says to me "Marissa, you don't have to attend every argument you're invited to. Would it really have been the end of the world if you let them 'win' and just walked away?" My jaw literally dropped and I said "What?!" I simply couldn't believe what she was saying, but when she said it, I knew she was right. You see, often times I have a hard time getting my needs met and being real with people. I can be very manipulative at times, and often resort to arguing to get my point across or to get something that I want. I'm not proud of this, and I have TONS of excuses that I have used over the years to tell myself that this behavior is acceptable. But I realized this yesterday; it's not okay anymore.

I could have a pity party for myself if I wanted to, I could come up with excuse after excuse about why I do things the way I do. I could, and I have for many many years. But I finally have gotten to the point that I am tired of that life. Because with the help of my therapist and God, I've slowly realized that who I am now is not who I used to be, and who I am in the future does not have to be who I am now. My past does not have to define me, or how I treat others. It CAN define me if I continue to allow it to, but it does not have to. I can choose to be different. And everyday is full of God's mercy and grace. Yes, we will screw up. But if we rely on his grace and love he can change our past into a beautiful present.

I feel like this song summarizes exactly where I am at right now. Especially the part that says
"Well, every single day Your grace reminds me that my best days are not behind me. Wherever my yesterday may find me, well, I don't have to stay there. See my hourglass is upside down. My someday soon is here and now. The clock is tickin' and I'm so sick and tired of missing out!" 

I am SO sick and tired of missing out because I've allowed my past to define me! I don't care what is in your past- whether it is abuse, drugs, divorce, depression, your parents abandoning you, lost job, people dying, WHATEVER it may be I want you to recognize this- It does NOT have to define you anymore! You don't have to be ashamed of who you used to be or what happened to you or what you did to others. God is SO much bigger than all of it! And I just want to challenge you all to truly recognize that.... Who you are is not who you have to be! How freeing is that?! I just want to challenge you today to take a step to be able to conquer your past. That may mean calling your pastor and talking with him, or finding a good Christian therapist to work through your pain. It may mean calling someone and apologizing to them for the way you treated them. It may mean simply taking time to spend with your kids and cherishing the time with them that you did not get with your parents.

Whatever it may be I want to encourage you to not be afraid to start over. God will be with you every step. And sometimes, it may feel like a slap in the face like it did for me with my therapist. It's going to hurt, but it is SO worth it! Sometimes, you just need a wake up call to realize that the life you're living doesn't have to be the life that you have forever.

So I hope that you will join me in this: I'm starting over. This is my Day One. And I am so excited to see where God takes me on this journey of freedom!