Thank God For Grace

I often find myself saying "There is never too much of a good thing!" Well my friends, I learned the lesson that this is not true once again, hoping that maybe I have finally learned my lesson for good this time.

As you probably all know, I have Fructose Malabsorption. There are a million and one foods that I have to avoid or enjoy in moderation. Sometimes, I can get away with eating more of some foods than other times. It is truly a condition you have to play by ear, as it is nearly impossible to simply cut out everything in life that contains fructose. But, sometimes I get mad that I have to watch what I eat and I eat whatever I want. It's almost like Russian Roulette- I never know if I am going to pay the price for what I've eaten or get off easy.

Yesterday, I woke up to a wonderful surprise- we had bagels! I LOVE bagels. Especially with butter, and sometimes with cinnamon sugar. For some reason, we don't buy bagels very often, so waking up and seeing two bags on the counter was extremely exciting! (Reminder: I am not supposed to eat wheat really at all, generally even small amounts bother me.) I literally saw the bag and said "screw it! I want a bagel!" So I ate one. Not a huge deal if I avoided the rest of my trigger foods for the rest of the day. Well.... I didn't. I ate a little bit of bad food for a snack while at work, and then came home for dinner and had another bagel, and later had goldfish as a snack. I felt a little sick when I went to bed, but nothing too bad.

But then I woke up this morning curled up in pain with an AWFUL stomachache. Thats the other problem with fructose malabsorption- sometimes the symptoms hit in 20 minutes, sometimes depending on when I eat the full affects dont hit me until the next day. And now, I will be paying for my choices yesterday for most of the day today. And I am sitting here thinking "Is this really worth it for a stupid bagel?! Why did I have to eat the other stuff too?! It all seemed so harmless at the time!"

As I was lying in bed praying that God would make my stomachache go away before work it hit me: I am paying the consequences for my actions. I knew what could happen if I ate the food, and I did it anyway. It reminds me of a post I wrote a few years ago about Eve with the apple. She knew the possible consequences but she ate it anyway, hoping that God wouldn't actually do what he said he would do. So in reality, it is not God's responsibility to take away my stomachache. I earned this misery by my own disobedience.

I think about bad habits I have and so many others have; eating junk food, watching too much tv, talking behind others backs, drinking, sex, drugs, and so many, many others. And yet everyone with these "addictions" have the same thought process: "It's not that bad. I have control over what I am doing, one time is not going to kill me. It will be fine." And yet what happens? One time turns into a second time, and a third and a fourth until suddenly you're not even thinking through what you're doing anymore! You've gotten so used to getting away with what you've been doing that when the consequence hits you in the face, we get mad at God. We say things like "God! How could you let me get sick today?! I have a long work shift and I can't afford to feel like crap! Why did I get diagnosed with the stupid sickness! Why haven't you just healed me?!" Or from the perspective of someone who overeats and never exercises and has a heart attack "God! Why did you allow this to happen?! How could you do this to me?! This is just not fair! I love you! Don't you love me?!"

When in reality? It is NOT God's fault. We live in a fallen world, filled with temptation and it is our responsibility to recognize what we should and should not be doing, and rely on the grace of God to help us through. It is not God's fault that I chose to eat bagels and wheat yesterday, in return it is by my own doing that I feel sick today. We cannot blame God for the bad choices that we make, our bad choices lead to our own demise.

But, Thank God for Grace. Yes, I am lying in bed sick when I have to be at work in a few short hours and in all reality it sucks. But is God mad at me for my choices? No. I can just imagine him sitting up on his throne chuckling and saying "Marissa, Marissa, when are you going to learn your lesson sweetheart? You just cant eat like that anymore. It's not good for you. Lets try this again, rest now. You will get through this sickness, and I will give you the strength you need to learn how to make better choices in the future. I love you daughter."

So often I feel that people see God as this menacing person ready to strike us down as soon as we mess up. But that is just not the case. Will God stop us from messing up? No. We have lessons to learn from messing up. It makes us more humble, and recognize that we need Him. But he will dust the dirt off us, wipe away our tears, clean off our scrapes and help us stand. He won't strike you down for talking about your friend behind their back. But he will give you the strength to go apologize to them and ask for forgiveness. This doesn't mean there isn't consequences for our actions- You may be physically sick like I am, or you may lose relationships or a job, or anything that has importance to you. But if I have learned nothing else over the past few months it is this: Fire burns brighter in darkness. And sometimes, we have to go through darkness to see how brightly God's light can shine through our brokenness. He will guide you through the pain and hurt of giving up our sinful, painful addictions. And his light will shine so brightly through it, it will be beautiful and soon enough you will not even miss your old ways because you will be in such awe of how much God has changed your life that you could never imagine going back.

So here is my random thought of the day for you: Accept God's Grace. Accept that we ALL mess up everyday and we need Him. Take time today to pray and say "God, I am sorry I keep trying to navigate this messy, darkness filled life on my own. I am sorry I keep trying to fill this void in my life with (whatever addiction). Please help me to recognize that while this action feels good in the short term, in the long term I know it will have bad consequences and I want to stop but I cannot do it alone. God I need you." He will help you, I know it. And while it will be painful, the ending will be more amazing than we can comprehend.