I haven't written a blog post in FOREVER. Seriously, my life has been straight chaos since the middle of December, and things have just started slowing down again. I was driving to a meeting for work today, and this song by Switchfoot came on my local Christian radio station. I listened to the words, and I realized that has been my goal for 2017: Life is short. I want to live it well.
As many of you know, we had to say goodbye to one of our girls a few weeks ago. It's been a bit of an emotional whirlwind as we navigated figuring out what was best for her, and for us. And yet, after being in storm of chaos for 5 months, the clouds are finally breaking and I am getting some clarity on this season of chaos that I have not been able to understand. I thought through these things this morning and I thought of one thing: We are only promised each day that we wake up, we are never promised tomorrow. I've thought about my relationship with this girl. I thought about how she argued with me, and told me she hated me more often than she told me she loved me. And yet as she left, she wrote me a letter saying that I was a huge part of her 2017, she knows that I love her, she loves me too, and she will never forget me. I could have spent my days being angry at her, and hating her back. I could have quit (SO MANY TIMES) because of the crazy shenanigans she would pull. And yet, I just couldn't. I couldn't (and still can't seem to) shake the idea that God has brought me here for a reason, and the time isn't over yet. And without knowing it, I was praying that God would help me to live my life, and love her well.
I've questioned many times why God brought me to Ohio almost a year ago. It's been a difficult adjustment. I am just now starting to no longer feel "new" at work. I am just starting to feel like I can possibly take down my walls with my coworkers. I am just starting to feel like my apartment is "home". This weekend is the first weekend that I have thought: Okay. I think I can do this. I think I can survive here. I might even be able to thrive here if I let myself. And that's frustrating to me. I hate new, I hate change, I hate adjusting. I hate it because it makes me feel weak and vulnerable, and I don't want people to mistake my vulnerability for weakness. If I had my way, I would have been this "adjusted" two weeks after moving. Not 8 months after moving.
But yet, I thought through all these things today and I feel like God is making one thing clear: He has brought me to Ohio to make me well. He has brought me to Ohio to help me fully become the person he has called me to be. I have spent much of this past year fighting God if I am being honest. I have been dragged along kicking and screaming, and refusing to cooperate with anything He has asked me to do. And it took a good friend calling me out on my behavior last Wednesday for me to really realize that I need to take a deep breath and reassess for a minute and think this through: Am I really living my life well?
This life is short. I have lost way too many people in this life both through death, and through circumstances. Even throughout this year I have watched as relationships that were crucial to my life seemingly fell apart, and I was miserable and crushed. And yet, the ones that have needed to have come back together just as they needed to be at the same time. I've spent so much of my life whining and complaining because things aren't going how I wanted or planned for them to go. And yet I sit here and I now know: I have a choice to make. I can keep sitting whining and complaining and not going anywhere. Or, I can choose to accept the fact that life is short, but God has very, very good plans for me. And if I will just choose to embrace them, He can help me live it very very well.
So here is my random thought of the day for you: Are you living your life well? Or are you letting the small things of this world chain you up and hold you back? I challenge you to take some time today and simply ask God to show you a glimpse of the plan he has for you. And ask Him how you can live your life well today: spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. As I start this next chapter of 2017, I am praying a new prayer: That God would give me the wisdom, and motivation to live each day well and to accomplish the purposes he has set before me. One step at a time.
