Why?

Why? It truly is the question that is never far away from me these days. I heard this song come on KLOVE the other day, and it was like my world just stopped for a few seconds. I can't help but keep asking why. Why God?! Why?! I just got off the phone with a friend who is caring for one of my girls, and my heart just breaks for her as she is trying to navigate more than any 21 year old should ever have to navigate. She's trying to figure out how to raise a 17 year old, simply because God called her to it.

I've pondered this concept a lot over the past few weeks, the "calling" God has for all of us. I've wondered why God calls some of us to be millionaires, and some of us to literally live in the slums with the lowest of the low. I've wondered why some of us go through a million different hard things, traumatic things. And how some people skate through life barely needing more than a band aide. I keep wanting to get mad at God for calling me to minister to the broken, because honestly? It is hard. There are MANY days I wish I could be a millionaire working in a rich banking office, and still be using my gifts and talents to help others. I want it so badly, and then I realize that is simply not me. And if I was happy doing that, I wouldn't be me anymore.

Breathe, sometimes it feels it's all that I can do. I've muttered this phrase a lot to myself over the past few weeks, crying to myself as I crochet like a grandma on the couch. I repeated it in my head as I cried multiple times talking to my counselor. I've thought over and over again "All I can manage to do is keep breathing. I can't handle anything else right now." And the more I am having to do it, the more I am realizing that might just be okay. I have said this phrase many times, but I have felt more broken in the past few weeks than I think I ever have in my life. The hits just keep coming, and my heart is ready for a break, honestly. I keep thinking "I just want someone to swoop in and save the day!" And then I realize that I am the adult, and I have to figure things out. 

I'm alive, even though a part of me has died. I say this phrase to myself almost every morning, especially on the hard mornings. Because each morning that I am alive means that God isn't through with me yet. It means there are still people who need encouragement, there are still people who need to know His love. There is still work to be done. And even when I cannot find my role in that plan and purpose, I know that God still has me on the road map. He isn't lost, and never has been. I've hit some "road closed" signs, but He isn't finished with me yet. 

I'd be lying if I said I am fine. Don't get me wrong, I still feel that this is where I am supposed to be, and I know that God is working in that. But the waiting is getting long. The bills that I need to pay are staring me in the face. Here is my random thought of the day for you: God is in the Why. He is still here. He has already seen the ending, and He's going to get you through. Can I encourage you today? With everything that has been going on in our country the past few weeks, can you do something for someone else today? I don't care if that is calling someone, texting them, sending a gift card in the mail, paying someone's rent for them, or even as simple as posting a Bible verse on someone's FB wall. Can you remind someone that God's glory is present even in the storm they are facing, and then do something about it?