He will use every piece of my story!

I was thinking through a piece of Louie Giglio's last talk at Passion as I watched it this afternoon. Louie was talking about how we get SO wrapped up in our scars- emotional and physical. We are so embarrassed and ashamed of our past pain that we do whatever we can to pretend it never existed and it never happend. But guess what? It is part of our story, and God is the master writer. He doesn't make mistakes.

Louie later talked about how our scars from our past are our biggest witness and testimony to other people. Our story, our emotions and how our wounds became scars is what shows them Jesus. Not our fancy words or elaborate church services. It is when we are real that people get to see who Christ truly is.

Jesus had wounds on his hands and his feet from dying on the cross. But he never tried to hide them from people. He would openly show people and was like "Yah. I was dead. But now I am alive!" It's the same for us. We are dead in sin, in pain, in suffering. We have no hope until Jesus rescues us. Only Abba's love can heal our wounds and turn them into beautiful scars. It is part of our story, and will help bring others to his healing love.

So here is my random thought of the day for you: Praise God we don't have to hide scars. I know the pain of wounds from the past, feeling like they will never heal. But I also know this- once they do become scars, it is a beautiful thing to be able to help someone else because of your scar. Don't be afraid to let God to use every part of your story; the good, bad, ugly and the hidden. He wants to heal you so that you can help others. Let Him begin to heal your heart tonight. You won't regret it.

I Need Heart Surgery

Last night, my family was sitting watching one of our favorite TV shows The Biggest Loser. Part of the show involves the contestants meeting with a doctor to see how bad their health is. One of the contestants was talking to the doctor about why he won't take time to exercise. The doctor said something along these lines to him: "Lets pretend you have cancer. Would you take the 2 hours a day or whatever amount it is to go get chemo? You would do whatever it takes to save your life, correct?" Of course the contestant says he would do anything to save his life. The doctor then says to him "Your weight is killing you. You are fighting a disease that is just as serious and just as deadly as cancer, and yet you are doing nothing about it. Why?" I just sat there and was like "Woah. I have never thought about it like that before."

I connected this idea to not only my physical life, but also my spiritual life. I am fighting a daily "disease" of sin, fear, temptation and tons more. And yet I am not "exercising" regularly  I find excuses to not read my Bible, or to pray or to go to church. And yet, these things are vital to my spiritual health. Meanwhile, my heart is filled with puss and crud and fat and needs to be cleaned out. I need heart surgery. I need to let Jesus in to clear me out and begin again. If I don't, I don't know how much longer my heart can keep up before it gives out.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- Are you getting your spiritual exercise? Or are you still sitting on the sidelines watching life pass you by as your heart becomes more and more clogged with the things of this world? Let Jesus perform heart surgery on you. Let him clean you out so you can begin again. It will be a painful journey- heart surgery requires healing time. But it will be SO worth it and give you a life you never knew you could experience.

The Beginnings of the FOD Map "Adventure"

So, as many of you know I have been sick for about a year/year and a half. Everytime I ate I would be miserable. Curled up in a ball, sometimes in tears because my food just made me so sick. Well, we finally got some answers a few weeks ago. My doctor finally concluded that I had a type of infection that they could clear up with antibiotics  Then, I would "simply" start this new food plan to keep the infection from recurring. Sounds simple. I wish it was.

I spent around 2 hours at two different stores today simply trying to find a few things that I am allowed to eat. It was unbelievably hard. Finally by the end I just got frustrated and left. I was thinking on the way home "God, this just isn't fair. How come I cannot just eat food like everyone else?!" And then I realized, I have been praying for a solution for over a year. That the doctors would figure out what to do to ease my pain and discomfort. And yet here I am complaining about the answers and solutions God has given me. It got my priorities straight. God provided an answer for me and for that I am thankful.

By the way, in case you were wondering, lactose free milk still tastes pretty good. I am pretty excited by the fact that I can still drink milk!

So, I get back to being positive about my new eating plan, and our church comes over for a prayer meeting. There is delicious food EVERYWHERE! Cinnamon rolls, chocolate chip cookies, popcorn, brownies, all delicious stuff I cannot eat. And I got real whiny real fast. I wanted that food really bad. The pic on the left is what was actually in my kitchen  On the right is what my mind saw in it's place. Luckily I didn't fall for either of them. 

So here is my random thought of the day for you. God will answer everyone of your prayers. It may not be in the ways you want it too, but he will love you and help you in whatever ways you need him too. Keep trusting Him!!

I will keep you updated as we navigate this new adventure! :) 

2013- God can do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine!

2013. Today is the first time I have fully realized that it is a new year. Usually I take time on my blog and kind of reminisce on all the things God has done in my life over the past year. But this year, 2012 ended differently. I was on the road on New Years Eve and did not have a chance to sit down and write about how I felt the year ended. But because of that, I started the first day of the 2013 in Atlanta, GA. And I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. God got a hold of my life in ways that I did not ever expect Him to. It was incredible. Beyond incredible. Only words that can be used to describe it is the fact that it was God oriented and inspired. But I am not going to give you a rundown of Passion on the blog today. I need some more time to process everything I experienced and learned before that happens. Today, I am going to look ahead at 2013 and share 13 of my goals with all of you in hopes that you will help to keep me accountable to these things. 

1. I pray that Christ would come first in every area of my life, whether it be school, home, church or simply in the world. 

2. I am going to devote prayer and devotion time into my daily life no matter how much struggle I face. 

3. I am going to take my school work seriously and devote myself to the job God has given me. 

4. I am going to do my best to reflect God's love to everyone around me, so that when they look at me they see Him.

5. I am going to learn to love the people around me even if it is a challenge, and see them as people and not only view their faults and struggles. 

6. I am going to try to no longer gossip or talk about people behind their backs. 

7. I am going to take much needed time for myself everyday

8. I am going to joyfully enjoy the days God has given me and find a blessing in every day. 

9. I am going to find more ways to give back to my community 

10. I will write more often, and pray more often for my Compassion kids 

11. I will become more involved with a church community this year; whether it be my home church or somewhere new. 

12. I will strive to fulfill God's purpose for my life and lay down my wants and desires to let Him have complete control of my life. 

13. I will commit to moving forward- allowing myself to heal from past regrets and mistakes, and letting God in to the areas of my life I have not let him into before. 

This is my random thought of the day for you- Some of these things may seem impossible. But if there is one thing that I learned at Passion it is this- We believe in the God who does immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine. I am asking God to change my life this year and to give me a passion for Him in ways that I cannot even imagine or being to know how to ask for, and I believe that He will give me this desire of my heart. This is my prayer for you as well. That God will change your life in more ways than you can even ask or imagine. 

The "Perfect" Christmas

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday for as long as I can possibly remember. The lights, the sounds, smells, tastes, and sights. Everything about Christmas just makes me smile. Most of all, I loved having my entire family together at once. Even if there were no presents to open, it would still be my favorite day of the year.

But after a while, as kids got older and families moved farther away, the Kulig Christmas tradition started to wipe away too. Suddenly we had Christmas Eve without my grandparents, or missing some aunts, uncles, or cousins. Until finally last Christmas it was just my parents, brother, sister, cousin and I. It just wasn't the same and it broke my heart. The love of the season was still there, but something was missing- my family. My traditions. My perfect Christmas memories.

But then, 2012 came around. My parents told us we were going to Florida, and that most of my family was going to be there for Christmas once again. I knew it wasn't going to be exactly like I was younger but I had this hope of the "Perfect" Christmas again in my mind. I started convincing myself that this would be the best Christmas of my entire life.

Well, lets just say things didn't go as smoothly as I originally thought they would. It was a terribly long drive to Florida, fire alarms went off in the middle of the night at our hotel, and everyone just seemed to be cranky. I started to think that maybe this wouldn't be such a great Christmas after all.

But then, we walked into my grandparents house this afternoon and my grandma started crying when she saw us. It kind of broke my heart a little bit. My picture perfect Christmas seemed to be coming together. As we got into our normal Christmas routine, I noticed how my uncle Matt and my cousins Alex, Jacob and Zach were missing since I had no one to goof off with. It was then I realized- this was not the perfect Christmas. And I got a little angry, thinking "Why can't we all just be together again?! Why did things have to change?! Why can't it just be perfect like it used to be?!" But after a moment I realized this- There has never been, and will never be such a thing as a picture perfect Christmas.

I remember one Christmas my grandpa's sweet potatoes caught on fire in our oven and made our smoke detectors go off. One Christmas I had the stomach flu and was throwing up every 5 minutes. One Christmas my brother spent most of the night in the ER. These things make anything but "perfect" Christmas experiences. But looking back, I can't help but smile and laugh because they were still perfect memories in my mind that I wouldn't change for anything in the world.

So maybe this Christmas didn't fit every part of my "Perfection" agenda that I had in mind. But it was perfect in it's own little ways and I made memories I will never forget. I got to spend time with my family, ate wonderful food, received wonderful presents, and simply enjoyed the fact that while life may not be perfect, it is chock full of blessings.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- Maybe your Christmas hasn't exactly been perfect this year. Maybe things have gone terribly wrong, you are fighting with family, or are simply just not having a good day. Remember this- your worldly Christmas celebration will never be perfect. But our reason for celebrating, the greatest Christmas gift of all, will always be perfect. He will never leave you nor forsake you. And He came for you this Christmas to save you from this world of imperfection and sin. Let Him love you and hold you this Christmas season.

Merry Christmas Everyone

He Knows Just What I Need!

"Sooo my mirror broke as I pulled it off my door. I decided to decorate it anyway in hopes that it will glue back together. I thought about this, and our dorm theme for the year was God shaping us into reflections of Him. Sometimes God has to "break" us in order to make us look more like His image. Now this will always remind me that whenever I am broken, God is using it to make me look more like his image. I guess it worked out well that my mirror broke :)" -May 5th, 2011

At this point of my freshman year, I thought that God had broken me as much as he would need to in my entire lifetime. I thought I had gone through enough pain and heartache to last me until eternity in heaven. But in reality, that has been ANYTHING but true. He has continued to break me, and in reality it has been beautiful. Hard, sad, painful- but beautiful. 

I have had a lot going on personally over the past few weeks with dealing with stuff at school, keeping hwk dates straight, friend problems, physical "sickness", and simply just having a rough time. Every day I have had to consciously turn to Jesus, and say "Abba I cannot do this on my own! I need you!" But through this, it has been simply amazing to see God working! So while I should be miserable, I have been happier now than I have been in a long time. 

I heard a song about a week ago, and it has literally what has kept me focused on Jesus over the past few days and not get too wrapped up in the things of this world. Part of the lyrics have really caught my attention:

"Get a glimpse of Jesus 

For He is right there with you 

He knows just what you need"

All I could keep telling myself was that Jesus knew just what I needed even if I didn't. And yesterday, God completely blew my mind through blessings. (PS. If you want to hear the rest of the song it is "When Life Gets Broken by Sandi Patty) 

The first, came through a beautiful sunrise on my way to U of M Hospital to get some tests run. It blew my mind, and reminded me simply how BIG my God truly is, and how in control of every single detail of our lives that he is. 

This is a huge way God shows me He loves me. Every time I see a sunrise, I just want to melt because I know it is a reflection of His love for me and he did it just to make me smile. This was my first blessing of the day.

The second came from my wonderful "big sister" Ashley. I checked my mail yesterday, and discovered I had a package waiting for me. I went and got it, and found a book from Amazon, perfectly applicable to a lot of stuff I had been dealing with. The catch? No idea who it was from. Finally, at the end of the day, I texted my friend Ashley and she told me she had sent it. (Reminder: She is in Mexico!) This simply blew my mind- the fact that my friend who is 3000 miles away thought of me, and sent me this book. But in reality- God worked through her weeks ago and urged her to get this book for me, and it came at exactly the moment in time that I needed it! Mindblowing. 

My third blessing of the day came from a lady named Judy Wuckert. She is an angel sent from God, and a huge blessing in my life. I had the opportunity to interview her yesterday, and God used her in some incredible ways to speak truth into my heart. I was blown away at how God used a hwk assignment to change the entire course of my day! 

And finally, as the sun began to set, I walked outside to this scene. And it was like God was saying "I love you Princess. Thank you for trusting me today. I am taking care of you- Please rest in my presence tonight." I was literally in blessing heaven. My heart was so filled with joy I could barely believe it. 

So here is my random thought of the day for you: God knows what you need. Catch a glimpse of Jesus, he is right there with you. He isn't going anywhere. Trust him and let him help you like he helped me. He has got you in his arms!

Love is Here

Today I spent some time in the chapel in prayer as part of our annual spiritual life prayer vigil. The hour I spent with God today was unlike any other time before.

Have you ever just taken time and sat in God's presence? It is beyond amazing. I was sitting on the chapel floor, and I noticed how the stained glass reflected on the floor in front of me. The beauty took my breathe away for a moment. It was God's way of saying to me "Marissa, I love you." I took a few moments after that and just simply basked in the thought that God is apart of everything. He shows us his love in every part of our lives. Sunrises, sunsets, the way the clouds are arranged. Reflections of glass, music, the way the wind blows or the sunshines. He is here. As I was realizing this, this song began to play on my ipod.

♫♫♫Love is here. Love is now. Love is pouring from his hands, from his brow...♫♫♫

He is desperate to pour his love on you if you will simply take the time and allow him too. Let him love you. He is enough.

I have had to face trials this week that I never in a million years thought I would have to face. At the beginning of the week, I was stressed, angry, hurt, afraid, sad, and so overwhelmed I couldn't function. I finally got to the bottom of my pit and realized that I was never going to make it without letting God simply take over. So, I decided that my goal for this week would be entrusting to God every small detail of my life. My homework, friends, time, sleep, family, school, etc. The results? Have been simply amazing! I have been more focused and at peace than I have been in a very, very, long time. I have been in awe for the past few days to say the least.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- Love is here, right now. Let him love you. Let him take care of you. His peace is astounding, and his love is unreal. Life may not go the way we plan, and we will have trials, just like I am right now. But God is enough, he will take care of all of your needs. Trust His Love.