2011: A Year to Remember

My friend did this a few days ago on her blog, and I really liked it. I hope you enjoying looking back over the year of 2011 with me!! :)

January
January I started my 2nd semester of my freshman year of college. I got to experience my first CIT (Concordia Invitational Tournament) which was totally awesome!! I also started my interview of Helga Jubin for a class I took. Helga is an amazing lady who immigrated to the US when she was a teenager and I learned many things about her life. It was amazing to get to hear about life from her perspective and to learn more about my friend Lynn's family. January I learned the importance of being surrounded by people you love and choosing to do things because you know it is right for you, not just because someone else wants you to.

February
In the beginning of February I got to go to my first WCA homecoming as an alumni. I also turned nineteen. I realized how blessed I am to be surrounded by so many loving friends who helped me to celebrate. I also got to go to my first Concordia Women's Ministry Meeting, which in turn changed my entire life at Concordia as now I am on the leadership team. My favorite part of February? I got to take my friend Lynn to Magic Kingdom for the first time when we spent spring break in Florida with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. In February, ironically I learned the importance of love. I learned what it meant to be surrounded by people who love you, and I realized that romantic relationships are not everything in life.

March
The first thing that stands out about March is Lent. I gave up Facebook for Lent, and while it was hard, it was the best thing I ever did. It was SO nice to not have the distraction to deal with on a daily basis. I also got to experience round 2 of Tool Time which was unbelievably amazing! I got to work with an amazing group of middle schoolers who helped remind me what it means to wholeheartedly follow God no matter what the cost. In March I also applied to be an SLR for my Sophomore year. In the end, I wasn't given a position and it was very hard for me to accept at first. March helped me learn that God is ALWAYS in control, and our plan may not be his plan.

April
April 2011 is a month I don't think I will forget any time soon. At the beginning of the month, I made one of the hardest decisions of my entire life. I decided to cut off a relationship that was causing me more harm than bringing me good. It caused a lot of pain, a lot of tears, and a lot of very long, hard nights. But I got through it- all because of God. He surrounded me with TONS of people to get me through, including my amazing home friends, my SLR Ashley, and many other people on Concordia's campus who helped me to realize that God had a plan for me without this person in my life anymore. April made me realize that God will be right there through every moment of my life, good and bad. Painful and joyful. It may not have been a fun month, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

May
The first week of May I finished my freshman year of college. I had to move out of my dorm, and say goodbye to some people I now consider as close as family. There were a lot of tears, a lot of hugs, and a lot of pictures. I went home for my first summer as a college student. At the end of May, I got my wisdom teeth out. Horrible experience. I had a dry socket, and experienced a TON of pain. May also marked the death of a very special kid named Ian Jenkins. The WCA family was changed and will never be the same, but we will never forget Ian. May taught me that while the future is incredibly uncertain, God will show you the way even if the path is not all clear at once.

June
June was almost all work, no play. I worked 3 jobs over the summer including my marketing job, a housecleaning job, and a babysitting job that fell through before I started. I got to go to open houses for the class of 2011 and see my friends and enjoy being off school. June taught me that working during the summer instead of laying around all day was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

July
July marks my last month of working for Concordia Marketing, a really sad, frustrating month. I didn't understand why God had taken 2 jobs away from me this summer, and why he took jobs away that my two bosses who needed employment more than me. I also got to go on an amazing camping trip with some of my best friends, and go see my friend Beth at the conference ground where she works all summer. Midway through the month, I was offered a spiritual life team position as Prayer Coordinator which was a huge answer to prayer.  July taught me that God will provide, no matter what the circumstance.

August
August marks the start of my sophomore year of college. I took part in leadership training for SLC and was challenged to leave my comfort zone and learn to trust people I barely knew. It was amazing. God took me to new places that I never thought I would be. I made new friendships, and discovered that I can have friends who share my values, and not just be friends with people because they accept me. I gained some friends and lost some friends, but it was worth it. August taught me that while God may lead me in a direction that is terrifying, it will all work out in the end and the journey is 100% completely worth it.

September
September my great Aunt Ellen died. She was such a special lady to me, and I will treasure my memories with her forever. I spent hours reading the letters she wrote to me and soaking in everything she told me in them. I also got to go on my first spiritual life team retreat at my good friend Ashley's cabin up in Indian River. It was one of the best weekends of my entire life! September taught me about joy through pain. September was a crazy month, probably the craziest of this year and yet it was probably one of the happiest for me.

October
October was another chaotic month full of changes. I switched dorms, got into some pretty deep arguments with some people and just kind of had a rough time. But everything worked out, and I became very happy in the end. October also marked Senior Night in volleyball for one of my best friends who is like an older sister to me, Ashley Hart. It is hard to believe that you can only know someone for a year, and yet they become like family to you. Ashley was my SLR last year, and I love her dearly. While I am beyond sad for her to almost be done here at Concordia, I cannot, cannot wait to see where God takes her next. October taught me that even while things are absolutely crazy, God will always provide people who will have your back and keep you calm and get you to where you need to be.

November
November was probably the most uneventful month of my year. However, the first weekend of November was Tool Time, which is my favorite weekend of the school year. I stayed up till almost 5 am working on a video one night of all the high schoolars and I wouldn't change one minute of it. God broke my heart that weekend and showed me that it is possible to face pain without having certain people right by my side all the time. November showed me how to begin to heal, and how to change. It showed me how to rely on God over everyone and everything else and how to become Unshaken in my faith.

December
Here we are. The last month of the year. December was a rocky month- Boar's Head, recitals, papers, projects, finals, Christmas. That pretty much sums it up. December was rough for me on one level because no one came for Christmas this year. It was hard for me to accept, and I still haven't really accepted it. But, on the other hand my aunt flew up from Orlando the first week of December and surprised me at Boars Head. I don't think I have ever burst into tears so quickly in my life. That being said, December taught me about what life really is like. It showed me I am loved by my family enough to fly somewhere for literally 3 days. It showed me that Christmas is still Christmas even if no one decides to celebrate with us. And it showed me that through all of it, God is here and will never leave me. He is never going to cancel or change plans, he will never have anything better to do. He is here with me 24/7. Who could ask for anything better than that?!

It's December 31st, 2011. As I look back on this year all I can say is WOW. Thank you Lord for blessing me with trials, as well as times of joy and peace. I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Flowers Come to Show, That All that Rain was Helping Me to Grow!

Most people aren't thinking about rain at the end of December, at least not here in Michigan. But tonight, I have had rain on the brain. Above is one of my favorite songs called "Rain" by Sara Groves 

My friend Stephanie wrote a poem about the healing rain of God earlier this evening and it got me thinking. Her poem talked about God drenching us in his love and pouring his love, security, and peace onto us as we go about our lives. It was just beautiful.

Thinking about where I was a year ago, I cannot believe how far I have come. I cannot believe how much has changed and how many things I have experienced. Many times when I am talking about the "rain" in my life I am talking about the hard times that I don't really want to deal with but I know that I have too in order to be the person God wants me to be. But Stephanie's poem showed me that there is another view of rain that we may not think about everyday. Rain is not a bad thing- It may cause us to be hurting, sad, angry, or even afraid. But in that rain and in the storm, we can always see God. His love in every single one of those raindrops that hit us. When I think of God's love in a torrential  downpour, it just makes me smile from ear to ear and just soak it up. I want to jump in the puddles and be soaked to the bone.

Go soak up God tonight. I don't care how you do it, but go soak up his neverending love for you. Listen to music, read your Bible, go jump in the snow and make a snow angel. But remember this, no matter what clouds you are facing in your life, God loves you more than anything, and he is going to get you through this time in your life.  

All the flowers will come to show, that all this rain is helping you to grow. 

Sometimes, Thinking About Christmas Makes Me Cry

Yesterday day my friend Emily and I stopped at Paul dorm to pick up a cookie sheet from our friend Ashley. (The RA of Paul is my RA from last year, and Ashley is my old SLR. I love them both to death.) Emily and I got to the door, and while we were waiting for Ashley she said "WOW! I wish I lived in this dorm! Look at all the pretty decorations they have put up!!" and suddenly, I burst into tears. You wouldn't think that something that simple would make someone cry, but it did. I told her about how I missed living in such a great dorm surrounded by people I love. I miss all the pretty decorations, and the excitement of celebrating baby Jesus birth. It made me miss living in Esther terribly. Christmas was beyond wonderful last year- the decorations made our dorm our home, not just a building we lived in. And my RA and SLR made Esther our home. Sometimes, I still really miss my "home" Sometimes, Christmas makes me cry. 

Christmas isn't going to be the same this year. Honestly, I would give anything to spend it with my family. I could care less about the presents, but I guess sometimes this is just how life is and it honestly infuriates me. I don't know what Christmas Eve will be like without my family around, and honestly it makes me cry. I have never spent a Christmas without my dad's family and I wish it didn't have to be this way. And yet there is nothing I can do about it. No matter how much I protest and cry, it isn't going to change anything, and that is hard for me to accept. 

Tears of thankfulness, tears of hope
I cry tears of joy at Christmas cause I know
There is peace on earth for every heart to find
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry

This Christmas may not be going exactly how I want it to, but I know that I will find peace about it and it will still be great. Sometimes thinking about Christmas makes me cry. And I am okay with that. 

The Bible is Illegal in 52 Countries. Did you know that?

Tonight, God really laid something on my heart- It is a privilege to be able to have a relationship with him and be able to tell people about it. We had "class" devos tonight and only a few people showed up. Thats not why I am writing this post though. However it definitely made me think about this some more.

We have this amazing privilege to be able to worship God in so many different ways and settings here on Concordia's campus, and yet many people don't take advantage of them. How many times do you just think "I don't want to go, so I am not going to." I am guilty of this every day. I chose to eat lunch with my friend instead of going to chapel. I have this opportunity, but I don't take it. Why? I don't know.

 Why do we sit in our dorm rooms and watch tv instead of walking 10 feet out to devos? Why do people need to be begged to come to spiritual things, but yet they come running to other events when they hear "Free tshirt!"

I am tired of this ritual. I am tired of sitting here and being okay with the fact that I don't go to things simply because I don't want to. I am tired of seeing reading the Bible as just another thing we need.  Do you know how many people across the world would love to be able to go to church on Sunday without the threat of being killed? And yet I just don't go to church on Sunday's because I haven't found one that "fits" me yet.

What is it going to take to make Jesus our top priority again? I know life and hwk happens, but our Jesus time needs to be 100% our top priority. What is it going to take to get your attention?!

24/7 Worship

This was one of our songs from Tool Time this past weekend, probably one of my favorites. As I was "recovering" from the weekend last night I started thinking about everything that happened in the almost 72 hours the kids were on our campus. 

I was going to grab some dinner when I thought "Wow. It is really weird not going to the black box every couple hours to do a session and praise and worship. I really miss it."And then a thought hit me- we need to be worshipping God 24/7. Not just when we have worship sessions on campus. 

Now, am I saying that it is realistic to spend every moment of free time that we have in the chapel or in the black box or somewhere else singing praises to God? No. I am not saying that. But what I am saying is that we need to be praising God in every moment of our lives. In our words, actions, thoughts, prayers, classes, homework, everything. Can I honestly say that I do that? No. I wish I could say yes, but it is something that I am going to work on. 

There are many different forms of worship and bringing glory to God. For a little while, I felt that the small group leaders were doing more for God than me this weekend because I was making a video while they were sharing Christ's love with students. But what did I realize? My video making is a form of worship. My video showed God's love to people. It is a form of worship to the Lord. It may not be in a traditional form, but it is still pleasing to God. 

Tool Time knocked me off my feet, just like it has the two times it has done before this. It still blows me away how much of an impact this weekend is on everyone who is apart of it, Concordia students included. I laughed and cried hysterically and got on a deeper level with God than I ever have before. I am excited to again make some changes in my life. 

There are two things I want you to take away from my random thoughts. First, be worshipping God 24/7 in everything you do. Do it all for the glory of God. Concordia's motto is "Christ First in Everything" but do we really live that way? That is my challenge to you. Live your life as Christ First in Everything. Second, I want you to take away how unbelievably amazing and God oriented Tool Time is. I want your church to be at our Middle School Tool Time in March. Talk to me, and we will get the kids there. Pray about it, and know that I am praying about it too. 

God bless all of you, and I pray that you have a God filled, and God oriented Monday. 

Taking that Step

Yesterday God revealed some things to me. I actually had some free time and decided to read a book. I have a few that I have been trying to finish, and last night I decided to finish "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldridge. It blew me away. The part of the book I was on related exactly to some things I have been facing the past few days. There is one part that really stuck out to me, it was on living in the present instead of the past. Here is the clip:

"To live as an authentic, ransomed and redeemed woman means to be real and present in this moment. If we continue to hide, much will be lost. We cannot have intimacy with God or anyone else if we stay hidden and offer only who we think we ought to be or what we believe is wanted. We cannot play the ezer (equivalent of helper) role we were meant to play if we remain bound by shame and fear, presenting only to the world the face we have learned is safe. You only have one life to live- It would be best to live your own."

I am made for more than the life I am living right now. I am more than the fears holding me back, I am more than my past regrets. I have been trying for so long to please each person in my life and to act in the ways that they want me too. But in reality by doing this I am not being real, I am not being me. I can't be all of who God wants me to be if I keep presenting only what I know is safe and secure. The most important thing in life is living how God wants me too- Not how people want me too.

What does this mean for me right now? I am not exactly sure. But I do know this- it is time to step out onto the water and trust Jesus is going to help me walk. I have nothing to wait for and nothing to lose. It is time to be real and stop hiding behind my fears. I want to do everything I can to strengthen my relationship with Christ- even if that means stepping out onto the water.

Broken

 "My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will  not despise." Psalm 51:17

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

I realized something last night. I am broken. As I realized this fact, I was talking to my friend Ashley and she said something to me similar to this "Riss, everyone is broken. You just have to decide how you are going to react to it. Being broken by God is wonderful, because it means he is working in your life to make you reflect his image even more than you do right now." 

What does being broken mean exactly? Well to me it means a few things. When I think of a broken heart, I think of the image I posted above. Completely crushed and shattered with what seems to be no hope of being repaired. I think of literal pain, and everything about our lives being shaken up or taken away or changed in one form or another. It seems like such a negative thing, and yet it isn't.

What is the medicine for a broken heart? Here is the answer: God is our superglue. He picks up each piece of our broken heart and puts it back together. He takes the things away that cause us pain and chisel away at our heart and tries to show us how to make different decisions for the next time. 

But here is what I realized last night- You might be broken for a long time. Immediate 100% relief probably won't come. One part of your broken heart may be fixed, while another is still shattered. It is a constant process. But God can give you happiness in pain- I am the happiest right now that I have ever been in my entire life, but that doesn't mean I don't have hard nights. It doesn't mean that the broken relationships in my life and other hurts don't bother me. They do- and the pain is real. But God is mending my heart each and every day and it is really cool to see. 

I found a song by Addison Road called Change In the Making. It talks about how we are completely incomplete and how God is working in our lives to make us more like him. It is a beautiful song, and kind of sums up how I feel right now. I am "under construction" as the song puts it. And for the first time in my life, I think I am okay with that. 

‎"Have you prayed about it as much as you have talked about it?"

So, it has been awhile. I have been really, really busy to say the least. I have had a lot going on, and a lot of things different things taking up my time and emotions. But this quote came into my mind today, and I decided to share something with you all.

As a lot of people know, I have been struggling with something for the past few weeks here at Concordia. It has been draining for me emotionally and physically and frankly I am just tired of dealing with it. But I realized this afternoon, that I am not handling this situation in all of the ways that I should be. And the main ones have to do with this quote above.

I am talking about this a whole heck of a lot more than I have prayed about it.

Not only that, but I realized today that I am talking about it too much. Yes, it is bothering me and it is good to vent to friends every once in a while. But it became the center of almost every conversation that I had today, and that is not how things are supposed to be. My policy on gossiping is that I will only say things to other people that I would be comfortable saying to the person I am talking about. If I wouldn't say it to their face, it doesn't need to be said. And while I have still stuck to that policy throughout this situation, I have found that spreading my anger and frustration and hurt to others isn't being helpful either. It may make me feel better for a little bit, but what good does it have in the long run?

A wise friend once told me " You can talk about this with 5 people. After that, it becomes gossip."Somehow, I just threw that out the window. So, this is my attempt to start over fresh with this situation. There will be no more discussion of this topic unless it is 100% useful and necessary. I may fail, I am human, but I am certainly going to try.

So here is my thought of the day for you; Pray more than talking. In reality, praying is talking to God and he is going to help you a lot more than the people here. And that is my goal- situations are so much easier if you turn to God for help. Turn to him today, and he will help you.

Letters

"Letters are among the most significant memorial a person can leave behind them." 

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart. "

 ~Phyllis Theroux

On Monday someone very special to me passed away; my great Aunt Ellen, at the age of 91. These two quotes summarize my memories of her perfectly. I didn't get to see her very often at all, but she wrote me letters and sent me cards that I have saved for years. Her letters to me are one of my most treasured keepsakes. 

As soon as I had been told that she had passed away, I wanted my letters from home. I wanted to read the words she wrote to me and feel like I still had a piece of her memory with me. Tonight, my parents brought me my letters and I poured over them for about an hour. I couldn't get over how beautiful the letters were. I hadn't read a lot of these in a while, some of them dating back to 2004, but I honestly think they mean more to me now than they did then and they meant a lot to me then. 

As I sat there reading her words of wisdom and encouragement to me, I couldn't help but wish I could have one more letter from her, or at least that I would have written her at least one more time. But I have hope, because I know that she is in heaven with her king, and one day we will be reunited. 

You never know what a simple letter could do for someone, even years later. As a 14 year old saving these letters, I never thought they would help me once I was in college. But I am so glad that I saved them. Take time and write someone you love a letter. It might mean the world to them. 

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Everyone has had a splinter at least once in their life. Usually they hurt- a lot. I remember one time in particular when I got a splinter in my foot and it was really deep. I wouldn't let anyone take it out, so it stayed in my foot for a good week at least. The pain became unbelievable, I was hobbling around and still wouldn't let anyone touch my foot. Until one day, I went swimming. And the splinter came out. I couldn't believe that the pain was just magically gone just because that little piece of wood came out. Tonight, God gave me an analogy to part of my life. And that analogy is a splinter. 

I was praying at Offerings this evening, and came to this simple realization. There are some things that I have needed to deal with for a long time, and I just haven't. I have thought about, tried a bit to deal with parts of it, tried covering it up, tried forgetting. But it is still there. It is like there is a splinter in my foot. God keeps telling me that he will take it out, and there will be pain involved to get it out and afterwards to help the spot heal, but he can make it better. Instead, I not only will not let him take out the splinter, I keep beating around the bush and making it worse. Imagine playing with the hunk of wood stuck in your foot, not taking it out, just moving it around. IT HURTS. a lot. In reality, why would we sit here and mess with it and make it worse instead of taking it out and let the healing begin?! 

I have prayed numerous times "God, bring healing to this area of my life. Take it away, I don't want to deal with it anymore." But it was like God answered me tonight and said "Marissa, I keep trying to make it better, but I can't heal the wound and infection if you won't let me first take the splinter out of your foot. Putting a band aide on top is only going to make it worse in the long run. Are you going to let me do this? Or are you going to keep suffering?"

You see, pain is truly inevitable. We can't avoid it. It will hurt to take out the splinter, and the infected wound will hurt for at least a while as it begins to heal. But suffering? Suffering is optional. If we don't let the wound get to the point where it is infected, blistered and gross, we wouldn't suffer nearly as much. If we let God handle the injury right when it takes place, we don't have to suffer. 

So what is my point with all of this? My point is to choose to stop suffering. I made that choice tonight. God has started wiggling the splinter out of my foot. And yes, it is painful and will be for probably quite a while as I work through some things. But when it finally comes out the relief is going to outweigh the pain and I don't want this to cause pain in my life anymore. I'm done hobbling around with a splinter in my foot. 

Our God is Greater!

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Tonight was the first Offerings of my Sophomore year. We sang a few songs, and then we came to this one and I about fell to my knees. For the past week or so, God has really laid something on my heart that I need to change. He has made it so clear to me, yet I kept trying to find any other way around it. But yesterday, God put this verse, and this song on my mind the entire day. If you look, it was even my Facebook status yesterday. And it was like he was telling me- "Marissa, I am on your side. Nothing can stand against me. If I want you to do this, you have no reason to be afraid. You have no reason to panic. I am going to guide you through this." 

And yet, being as stubborn as I am, I semi-ignored him again. And then I had a horrible day and got to Offerings, and this song played. And it was like God was saying to me "Okay Marissa, do you get it yet?! Am I going to have to give you any more signs, or are you actually going to listen this time?!" And I just sat and thought for a minute and spent some time in prayer. 

I know what God wants me to do. It is about as clear as it is going to get. But the waters navigating how to get that done are rough and scary. It won't be smooth sailing- I already am well aware of that. And now I am faced with a decision- Do I choose to do what God wants and jump off into the unknown? Or do I follow the path that is straight, narrow, and well lit? 

It's going to be rough- but I think I am going to choose the unknown. I heard a quote once along the lines of "I would rather have God hold my hand and take the dark scary path, instead of being completely alone on the well lit path." Here we go. God, let your will be done and not my own. 

It's Not the End of the World

Part of this song really caught my attention today: 

...To break me of impatience,

Conquer my frustrations,

I've got a new appreciation,

It's not the end of the world...

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine yesterday... a very honest conversation that at first I wasn't too thrilled that we were having. We were talking about some stuff when she said something to me. It was somewhere along the lines of this: "Marissa, you really have got to start looking at bad things that happen from a new perspective. A lot of the time you act as if it is the end of the world whenever something that you don't like happens. But it's not! You really gotta start seeing that." 

It took me a while to process everything we talked about last night. But I am beginning to realize that just because there are a LOT of things going on right now that I am not thrilled about, it's not the end of the world. God will bring me through it and over it even if it doesn't seem like it right now. He has got such a great, great plan. And I am so excited to see what it is. 

Don't let small things, or even big changes let you get to a point where you feel like it is the end of the world. I promise that it isn't, and God is going to guide you through the dark, and show you what lesson you need to learn from it even if it is very, very painful at the time. 

Comfort Zone

Comfort Zone. Everyone has one, and it is something we don't like to leave. This past week, I have been wayyyy outside of my comfort zone at least once every day. Sounds horrible right? Wrong. 

This week was Leadership Training at Concordia University. I went through a lot of mixed emotions- fear of failure, frustration, anger, sadness, happiness, excitement... you name it, I probably felt it. All because I was put in a situation where I wasn't in my comfort zone. 

At first, I hated being outside my "zone". I hated feeling vulnerable and open. I was scared to rely on my team members and to do things I had never done before. At first, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to keep going forward.

But then God got a hold of me (It's so cool when he does that!) And I began to realize just how great this training week was because it was taking me places where I had never been before, and had too scared to go to before. But I went there. And I did it. And I have never felt so free and alive. This week helped me to jump off and take a leap of faith. And I will never be thankful enough that I did. 

I won't hesitate to say that for a long time I wasn't happy at Concordia. I actually was planning on transferring early into last year. But for the first time today, I had a moment where I thought "I belong here, and I have a purpose. This is where I am supposed to be." And it was one of the greatest feelings in the world. None of this would have happened if I wouldn't have stepped outside my comfort zone. I wouldn't be where I am right now if I hadn't taken that step, and continuing to take that step. I know it is scary to do something that is outside of your comfort zone, but do it. Please. Your life will never, ever be the same, and God will take you to places you never thought were even possible for you. It is an amazing journey. 

Goodbye Summer, Hello Concordia!

Tomorrow starts my Sophomore year of college. I will be moving into my dorm, and starting a week of Spiritual Life training. I am excited for this next phase of my life, I have a feeling God is going to do great things throughout this next year.

Sometimes I still cannot believe that I am almost half way done with college. Wasn't I just a Freshman?! Why is college going so much faster than high school?! It is going fast, but I am learning so much and God is showing me so much.

I cannot believe how far I have come in one short year. Looking back at where I was last year, I am no where near the same person that I used to be. A lot of things have changed, for the good and for the bad, but God has used each and every circumstance to mold me into the person he wants me to be.

Part of me is kind of sad to leave my life at home (Yes, even though I am still in Ann Arbor!) When I am at Concordia I often forget that I am still at "home". I thought it was going to be easier this time around to leave my house, friends and routine, but it is still a transition that I am going to have get used to again. But, I at least have an idea of what is to come this time around and I am super excited :)

So, this is it. The next time I post I will be somewhere on Concordia's campus. Goodbye Summer, Hello Concordia. Here we go!

Tomorrow

"Never put off till tomorrow what you could do today." - Thomas Jefferson

I feel like this has been a theme of my summer- Why should I do it today when I can do it tomorrow? Well, I am realizing now that I don't have that many "tomorrows" of summer left, so is it really worth it to keep putting things off?

I have been thinking- why am I putting these things off? Why won't I just do it now? What is stopping me from making the changes in my life that I know that I need to? Why am I waiting and promising myself that I will do it tomorrow?

My favorite part of the song was this: 
I can't live my whole life wasting
all the grace that I know you've given.
'Cause you made me for so much more than
sitting on the sidelines.
I don't want to look back and wonder
if good enough could have been better.
Every days a day that's borrowed
so why am I waiting for tomorrow?


I thought about sitting on the sidelines during one of my soccer games. It is frustrating and hard to sit there and watch when all you want to do is play. God is like our coach- But he isn't making us sit on the bench. He is begging us to get out there and play and use our skills and yet we hug the bench and refuse to get up and run because we are scared of messing up and getting hurt. I can't imagine sitting on the bench for every one of my games and just watch from the sidelines as everyone else has the time of their life, so why am I choosing to spend my life that way? 


I am tired of sitting on the sidelines of the game of life. I am tired of putting off everything I want to do until "tomorrow". I don't want to look back at my life in years to come and realize that the "tomorrow" I was looking for never came, and be disappointed in myself for not taking a chance. It's time to stop waiting for tomorrow. 


Stop putting off the changes in your life God is calling you to make. It's time to stop watching from the sidelines and start playing. Tomorrow isn't promised, but today is. What are you going to today to start over? 

He Won't Let Go

I have learned some things this summer, a lot of things actually. Many of them being about God. I have always loved Rascall Flatts, but I first heard this song when I found out a friend of mine was sick and someone shared this song with her. I love this song from the perspective of a friend, but I love it even more when I put it in the perspective of God. 

This summer, I have realized more then ever that God will never let you go. When you have done all you can do, and you finally give up, God will take care of you. He isn't going to let you fall, he is going to carry you through the storm and give you the strength you need to get through. It just is so awesome. 

No matter what we are going through, God will get us through it. We can waste our time with other worldly things, but nothing is going to help us like God.

He will NEVER let you go. No matter how hard we fight or push away, God is going to be there for us when we come running back to His arms. He won't leave us or forget us. One person isn't more important to him than someone else. I just can't get over that. People in this life will come and go, but God will always, always, always be there for us. Wow. What an amazing promise! 

Ocean

Marissa: Of The Sea

If you know me at all, you know that I am in love with the ocean. I have always known my name means "Of the Sea" but I never connected that with my love of the ocean. I love the sight smell, sound, and sometimes the taste (There's nothing quite like an mouth full of ocean saltwater!) 

But I love the ocean for more reasons than just those. A few years ago now, someone that is very special to me told me about why they love the ocean. They told me that when they think of the ocean, they think of God's mercies and how they are neverending. When you look at the ocean, it seems neverending and to go on forever. I took this analogy a little bit farther. I pictured us as humans being the sandy beach, and God being the ocean waves. So powerful, yet gentle at the same time. Sometimes the beach gets "messy" with rocks, debris and other things. But the waves keep coming back over and over again taking away the mess until the beach is clean again. It's just like how God will never leave us. He keeps helping us over and over again until we are back on our feet and "clean" again. 

This song gave me another perspective of comparing God to the ocean. It is just so beautiful, and you cannot take it all in at once and you want to just keep coming back for more. That is how we need to be with God. We should never get to a point where we are content with where we are at in our relationship with him. We always need to be digging for more. 

I love the Ocean. I love Jesus. 

Focus

Where is your focus set? Over the course of this day I came to a bunch of realizations... I realized how far I have come in many ways over the past few years, and I realized that is because of one thing: I changed my focus.

It is so easy in our daily lives to focus on other things; romantic relationships, electronics, work, school, friends, family, etc. But when God becomes your focus, your whole life will change. I have grown up in a christian environment my entire life and if you were to ask me, I would have always told you that God was the center focus of my life. But it wasn't true. I had other people and things in the place where God needed to be.

A few years ago, I created an analogy of my life to a puzzle. We also had a chapel service about this. You build a puzzle around key pieces. If our life is a puzzle, that key piece needs to be Jesus, but we try to make it other things. We twist and shove the pieces together trying to make our lives work. But the picture is going to be incomplete until we start building our lives around Jesus. Building our lives around other things is just going make us miserable.

I am realizing more and more how key it is to have your focus on Jesus. Do whatever it takes to get your focus on him. It may mean taking your whole puzzle of life apart and starting over. It may be uncomfortable, and annoying and hard, but it will be worth it. You will be so much happier, and you will see God working in your life in ways you could never imagine.

It's never too late to get up again

Have you ever thought about how hard it is to get back up and keep going after "falling"? It could be actually falling- like falling off your two wheeler after you take the training wheels off or "falling" spiritually or emotionally. Most kids don't want to get back on after taking a spill on their bike, but somehow the parents coax them into trying again until they finally learn how to do it. God is the same way. When we fall off, he scoops us up, gives us a hug, calms us down and gives us a bandaid, and tells us to get back on the bike and keep fighting. We act like he is crazy, and we don't want to listen to him. We might cry and beg for any other way, but the only way to conquer it is to get back up again. 


We are going to get knocked down in more ways than one during our lifetime. After all, the Bible does say that we are in a "race". How many competitions have you seen where no one gets pushed down, shoved, yelled at, etc.. ? It doesn't happen. So why do we sit here expecting our lives as Christians to be easy? I really don't know. 


After hearing this song today,  I kind of pictured myself in this situation: I kind of got "knocked down" by some stuff that went on in the past few weeks of my life, and I saw myself just sitting on a racetrack, discouraged and not wanting to continue the race because I got knocked down. I was telling God "Enough is Enough! I have fallen too many times. It is time for me to stop trying to go forward and just be content with the fact that I tried! I'm not doing this anymore God- I'm done." Well, after some help from some friends, and spending time with God praying about it, I was able to get back up again. 


I am aware that I am going to get knocked down again. I'm not looking forward to it, getting knocked to the ground is humbling- it makes you put your pride aside and let God help you. But, each time that I get knocked down now, it takes less time for me to get back up. It takes less crying, complaining, and grumbling. And when I do finally get up, I am stronger and ready to run harder and faster to my goal. 


I don't know what you are facing in your life right now- it might be something simple or something horribly complex. But either way- falling down hurts and getting up again isn't easy. God can help you get back up. It might take some time, but eventually you will be up and running again and God is going to give you the strength you need to get up and keep going. 


Keep fighting! It's worth it- I promise :)

It's Not Enough

First, go to this link and do this:
http://media.worldvision.org/getinvolved/aids_experience/index.html

I had small group at WCA tonight. It was another powerful night. We were talking about helping the sick, and talked a lot about those with Aids or HIV. And it reminded me of when I was able to go to the actual World Vision Exhibit when I was in 10th grade. It was a life changing experience. I honestly felt like I was in Africa, and that was my life. I was scared to find out whether I had HIV or not. In the end, I was negative. But the fear was real. I cannot imagine having that fear be apart of my daily life.

There are people who live like this every single day, and yet we do nothing. On our video tonight it talked about how the equivalent of 100 airplanes crashing is how many kids die from preventable diseases every day. I think he said thats around 3 kids every second. Three kids. I can't even wrap my mind around that.

We sit here with our fancy bottled water and overabundance of food while their are kids starving in Africa. We have said things like "don't waste that food- an orphan in Africa is starving and would love to have it." But when are we going to do something about it?! When are we going to stop putting our selfish ways before others desperate needs? When will we stop buying huge packages of bottled water every month that we don't need instead of sponsoring a child in need?!

I am not saying this to rag on others- I am not anywhere near perfect and guilty of these things myself. But I am tired of sitting here doing nothing. I want to do sooooo much more, but I am limited. Things have got to change- we have to save these kids, and that might mean cutting back a little for us on pleasurable things.

It's not enough to talk about stopping hunger, or promise to sponsor a child "someday". It's not enough to just do these things because we are supposed to.  We need to do it because we have a desire too. It's not enough.... And it will never be enough until these kids are taken care of.

Rainy days lead to Blue Skies

When the rain is falling
And there’s no silver lining
And you just can’t seem to find the light
When you need a reason
To help you keep believing
Let my love be your blue sky

I needed a reason to help me keep believing this week. A lot has gone wrong recently- Some summer stuff, fall stuff and personal stuff has all gotten messed up. Or at least as far as I see it it is messed up. According to God's plan I am hoping we are right on track. But anyway, there has been a lot of "gray" filled days and not a lot of blue skies. Sometimes, it is just so hard to find positives among a bunch of negatives.

I couldn't find the silver lining on this huge cloud, and I couldn't find the sunlight. I was kind of having a lot of "God why me, Why now?!" moments. But today I realized, that God can take our gray days and make them into shining blue skies. He takes the storms and makes them calm. His love shapes us into new people.

Maybe your skies have been gray lately. Let God add some blue to your sky. Let him bring some joy and happiness into your life, even if it is only for a day or for a moment. I have learned to appreciate good days because sometimes they are few and far between. God can make even a horrible day less horrible. Let him bring some blue skies into your life. You will be happy that you did.

Not every day is going to be perfect, and some days will just be gray no matter what. But if you hand it over to God, it's going to make your rainy days easier to handle and help you to catch your glimpses of blue skies.

Life Changing

I never thought it would be possible to miss something so much, when I was only there for one short week. And yet, God showed me so many things the short time I was in the Dominican, and it truly changed my life.

Tonight was our first summer small group meeting at WCA. The theme is becoming a Good Samaritan. We talked about some things tonight, and about helping those in need around us. Our trip to the Dominican was mentioned a few times, and it just took me back down memory lane.

I went to the Dominican to work in the lives of the people around me, and yet that trip changed my life. Money isn't a concern to me anymore- Yes, I know it is important, but it isn't something at the top of my priority list. After seeing how these people were living-how they were eating, drinking and traveling, I couldn't live in America anymore and complain about what I don't have or what I "need". Every time I think of this trip, it brings tears to my eyes. These people are so happy with what little possessions they have- I want to live a life like that. I don't want to be so wrapped up in making a lot of money in my lifetime that I lose focus of what is important- and that is bringing people to a relationship with Jesus. If I am wrapped up in how much I need to make to survive, am I really showing Jesus to people? I want my relationship with God to come first, as well as other people before myself.

It's hard for me to sit here and know that I am sitting in an air conditioned house even though it is only 75 degrees outside while there are people in other countries roasting with 100 degrees and 100% percent humidity. I want to do more. I wish I could do more. I was flipping through my pictures from my trip this evening, and I just wanted to jump on a plane and go back to the orphanages. I wanted to hold the little babies and sing "Christo Me Ama"with the little girls. I want to color pictures and let the kids giggle and laugh as they take pictures with my camera of themselves. I want to go back. And someday I will. 


I'm not content with sitting here doing nothing about the problems in our world. There are people all over the cities and countries of the world who are hungry, homeless, or lonely. There are people everywhere who need the love of Jesus in their lives. You don't have to go out of the country to make a difference- You can start by helping out someone who lives next door to you. You don't have to find a cure to aids- you can start by making a meal for someone who needs it. You don't even have to start with a stranger- start with a friend who is going through a rough time. Take a time out and just go give them a hug. Sit with them, listen to them. You don't have to change the lives of millions at once- Start with one person, and God will lead you to another. It's time to do something.

"Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you."
— Mother Teresa

Offerings

"I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you; I will praise your name, O LORD, for it is good." Psalm 54:6


Offerings- Tuesday nights at Concordia University, an intimate time of praise and worship as well as a time for personal or group prayer and personal reflection.


I miss this. I miss having this break from my life to just spend time with God. I miss the time to gather with my friends and just praise God. I miss the ability to have my friends nearby and have them pray with me. I have been listening to many songs from Offerings the past few days, and I am just aching to be able to be able to go and bask in the glory of God. Unfortunately, I have to wait until August to go to Offerings, but no one said that I cannot get on this level with God without going to Offerings. 


A few years ago, something like this would have not been something that I enjoyed or looked forward too. I especially would not have missed it. It is cool to look back and see how God has worked in my life and helped me to have a strong desire to spend time with him. 


Below is one of my favorite songs from Offerings. I hope you enjoy it as much  as I do. 

I know that most of you probably do not have the opportunity to go to something like Offerings like I do every week. But I want to challenge you to get on a level with God where you want nothing more than to sit there and just be in his presence. To be on a level where if you don't spend that time with God, you are aching for Him. For me, it is music that really brings me close to God. But for you it could be something entirely different. Find it. You won't regret it. 

It Just Might Change Your Life

You never know what can change your life. I never thought that some of the decisions I have made over the past few months would change my life, and yet they have.  Letting go of something is terrifying, I think most people realize that. But what a lot of people don't realize, is letting go of something that has control over you can truly change your life. Most people have heard the phrase "Let Go and Let God". This is one of the hardest things to do, and yet it is the best thing we could ever do for ourselves. This part of the song is what really caught my attention:

You find yourself
Up against the wall
You're scared to push cause it might fall
And it...
Just might change your life
You're on the edge now take one step
And you just might find you'll fly
You never know what will happen next
Don't be afraid to let go this time
It just might change your life


I have been up against quite a few walls in the past few years. A lot of walls. And I have been scared for so long to knock them down- due to fear of not knowing what is behind them and what new challenges are ahead of me. And yet, as I have started knocking down each and every wall has been the best thing I have ever done. I was scared, and at times I am still scared. It is painful, and it is a lot of hard work. But every time I knock down a wall, or even begin knocking down a wall, it truly changes my life. And it is all because of God. I don't have power to knock down walls on my own. I have too much fear and not enough strength. But God, He has all the strength and courage that I will ever need. With his help, I can take a sledgehammer to these walls and change my life. It's not a one time decision- you can't knock down a wall by hitting it one time. It is a daily decision to keep fighting, but it is a decision that is worth it. 


Don't be afraid to let go. Let God help you start knocking down the walls in your life. It will be hard work, and it will be scary and painful at times. It may even seem like it isn't worth all the work and pain, but if you commit to knocking down those walls, It Just Might Change Your Life.

Fall Apart

A few years ago, if you would have come and asked me if I had ever felt that I had gone through anything rough in life, I would have told you no, I had a reasonably easy, simple life. Sure, there were a few bumps along the road, but nothing life altering. I was reliant on myself, and myself alone and I was completely okay with that. I remember when that changed. A few months prior to things getting a little crazy, I prayed a very simple prayer. I said "God, I want to love you more than anything in my life. Do whatever it takes to make me satisfied with you alone." Now, I prayed this prayer many times actually but I never truly believed that God really would do whatever it took to get my relationship on track with him. Turns out I was wrong, and I am so thankful that I was.

I just heard the above song on a radio station called KLOVE today. It really fits my life for the past few years. I used to be satisfied with going through the motions of my faith and never "feeling" anything. I never understood the verses about trials and suffering when I had never gone through something like that. My life was good- so I praised God. There was no growing in my faith even though I thought there was. I felt that this part really described the first part of my journey:

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good?
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give you praise
Now it all seems upside down


This part kind of fits the part of the journey I am on right now:
I don't know how long this will last
I'm praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that has ever happened to me


I don't know how long things will keep seeming to fall apart, or how long the pain will last. But my perspective has changed and it has helped me to find God so much. I never would have thought that my little world would need to be taken apart piece by piece for me to learn to rely on God, but that is what it is taking. It has taken years for me to be okay with these trials and the pain that comes with them, years for me to be thankful for this, and years for me to accept the things that have happened and move forward. But the changes that have occurred in my life are worth it. Of course I want the pain to be over, but I honestly believe that my perfect little world caving in is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Change

We all know how much I hate it when things change. I don't like it one bit. But for one of the first times in my life, I am looking back at the past year of my life and seeing how much has changed, and for once I am actually happy about it.

If you would have come to me a year ago and told me what I was going to go through in the next year and I was going to come out stronger and more reliant on God, I would have told you that you were crazy. I would have told you that I would never do some of the things that I chose to do, and I would never allow those aspects of my life to change. But I did do those things- and things did change. Things have changed drastically.

I was talking to one of my best friends today and we were talking about how we haven't really kept in as close of touch with our high school friends as we had originally thought we were going to through the first year of college. Now granted, we are all still really close. We just don't talk to each other on a daily basis anymore. Last year at this time, if you would have told me that there would be some weeks in the next year where I didn't talk to my friends from high school at all, that would have scared the crap out of me. But looking back now, I am okay with that. We all started our own journey and still managed to stay apart of each others lives and I think that is really cool.

There are some other parts of my life that have changed that I am not so thrilled about, but I can see how God is working in each of the situations, and it just amazes me when I think about it. Now granted, it is still hard to accept the changes and painful, but it is cool to see God at work in the changes.

I have had soooooo many personal changes it is unbelievable, and too many to list on here. But they are all happy changes, so that is good :) I am learning how to become the person that God wants me to be instead of who I or anyone else wants me to be. Good stuff.

I am starting to realize, maybe change isn't such a bad thing after all....

Stronger

This is one of my new favorite songs. It is called Stronger by Mandisa. While all of the lyrics apply to my life right now, there is one part in particular that stands out and applies for today specifically:


'Cause if He started this work in your life 
He will be faithful to complete it 
If only you believe it 
He knows how much it hurts 
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this 


Today something happend, and it truly showed me that God is truly working in a situation in my life. It's not where it needs to be yet, and I don't know if it will ever get where it needs to be, but it has gotten better and for that I am thankful. God has to get us to a point where we will sit back and let him do the work for us. Unfortunately for me, it caused me a lot of pain before I decided to surrender and let God just handle it. Sometimes I tend to forget that God really does know how much things hurt us. He watched his only son die on a cross for the sins of the world. God knows pain, and he will help us through it. My friend Ashley told me something one day after I told her that I had already surrendered everything to God and I felt that I shouldn't have to do it again. She said "Riss, surrendering is not a one time thing. Each and every day you have to get up and choose to let God do his thing. It is easy to try and take control again." My life isn't pain free just because I am choosing to let God take over. Some days, it seems more painful because I feel out of control. But what comforts me is that I know God is going to complete what I am going through- it may not be in the ways that I want or expect, but he is going to complete it, and bring healing to me as well. 


These verses have also brought me comfort in the past few days:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." 

Isaiah 41:10, 13 

God is giving me more and more strength each and every day. He gives me just enough to get through that day. If he gave me all the strength I would ever need, then I wouldn't need him and what would be the point of that?! 


I don't know what you are going through in your life right now, but know this- God is using it to make you stronger, and he will help you through it. I promise :)