Marissa and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I think I am going to move to Australia.

The past few days have been rough. We had CIT this weekend, and it was tons of fun, but I have still had a lot on my mind. I am extremely tired, and every day has seemed to present a ton of challenges. I keep finding myself thinking "I just wish this day could be over already!!!" I don't necessarily want to think this way, as I know that each day we are given is a gift from God, but it is hard to think that way when all you want to do is sleep. I am tired, worn out physically and emotionally, and it is only Monday. Each day I try hard to find a positive aspect to focus on, but this week I am really having trouble so far. Nothing has gone right this morning. I almost didn't have time to eat breakfast, and then I realized that I forgot to print my homework and was almost late to class. Then, class was the most boring thing EVER and I wished that I would have just stayed in bed. To top it off, I hit my leg really hard on the point of a table and it hurt quite bad. Bah. I just want this day to be over. Or at least something positive to happen to make me smile. I have had a hard time focusing the past few days and have barely gotten my homework done. I am hoping that something will happen to brighten my day a little bit.

Have you ever heard of the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day ? This is where I got my title for this post and I think it fits my day quite well. I think I am going to move to Australia. 

Today

Have you ever had a day that you just want to be done with from the minute you got out of bed? Today is one of those days for me. From the minute I got out of bed, I wanted this day to be over. It's not that anything especially bad has happened, I just want it to be over.

I HATE having free time. I feel like I should spend it doing homework and I don't want too. I hate not being in a rush. I like waiting till the last minute because I feel like I have to do it then, there isn't any time left to procrastinate. And today, I have nothing but free time from 11:00-2:30 and then from 5:30-8:30. Something that I was supposed to do from 12-1 got canceled, and that really put a damper on my day. This doesn't seem like a lot of free time to most people. But to me, this amount of time is like an eternity. Sure, I have reading to do and homework I could probably be working on, but I just don't have the motivation to do it if its not due.

Bah. I really don't like days like today. I know God says to savor every moment because we will never get it back, but days like today I have a hard time doing that. Sometimes I just wish that I could fast forward to a new day. Oh well. At least I still have Jesus. He will get me through today.

Up and Down

Someone I really admire once told me that our walk with Christ is about ups and downs. It is a bumpy ride, but with Jesus help the waves won't seem as harsh. I used to disagree with her, but now I am seeing the truth.

I am also really starting to see how much I hate when people don't just follow Christ. When people look into certain unnecessary details too much and try to look like a "good person" instead of just taking our faults for what they are and realize that we sin. We do sin. You can't ignore that. We arn't perfect. I read a review on a devotional book that I got for Christmas and this reviewer was saying it was a horrible book because it mainly focused on finding peace through Christ. Hence the name of the book: Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. HELLO! Of course the book is going to focus on peace if that is what the title is! They were saying it wasn't a truly Christian book because it didn't focus on other aspects of the relationship with Christ. I think they are just dumb. The Bible covers all the aspects needed to follow Christ. This book just focuses on finding peace. Sometimes I really can't stand people like that, but in reality, it just reminds me that I need to be praying for them instead of just getting annoyed.

Life

So, I have been meaning to post an update on my life, but I have been trying to decide which topic exactly that I want to write on. My life has bee extremely busy and interesting since I got back to Concordia. Not necessarily bad, I have had a lot of fun and been enjoying it, but there are still hard times.

God has really been getting my attention, especially the past few days- especially in the realm of gossipping. I can honestly say that I have been doing better, but not a ton better. At least now I recognize when I am doing it. I realize the words that I am saying, and I try to make sure that I say things in a way that would not be hurtful to others. I am realizing more and more how hurtful we are to each other a lot of time here at Conco, myself included. We are constantly gossipping and excluding others and forming cliques. Is this really how God wants us to live our lives? Everyone deserves to be loved and included no matter how weird or annoying they are. They are still God's Peculiar Treasure. What makes you think you are any better than the person next to you? In reality- you are no better than them. You are still a sinner, and that is what really matters. We all need God's forgiveness to be saved. It's not going to matter how "bad" your sin was. It just matters that you sinned. End of story.

Music. That is the other part of my life right now that I am paying attention to. I love love love music. I honestly don't think I would survive without it. God has blessed these artists. Their words just bring me to God and it just amazing. I love it. That is how I have been spending my free time with Jesus and the Bible, and I LOVE IT! I don't understand how I used to get through my day without doing devotions or reading my Bible. It's like I literally don't know how I could get through the day without at least a taste of the word of God. Even if I have read it a million times, it is still so comforting to me. I just love it so much.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time in our campus chapel with God, and it was just amazing. I spent about an hour just praying, listening to music, and reading the Bible. It was honestly the best hour of my life I think I have ever spent. I have a lot going in my life right now- nothing that needs to be mentioned on here, but I want to say this; I am going through a lot, but it is soooooooooo much easier now that I have let God take control! SO much easier! Please, please, please just let God take control of your life already. I'm not saying that stuff doesn't hurt me anymore, trust me, it does, but God heals the hurt and helps me to move forward and give me the strength to face tomorrow. I still have a long way to go, but I'm not scared anymore. I am ready to face the fight.

These are some lyrics to one of my new favorite songs. It is called "I Loved You Then" by 33Miles. To me, this just summarizes Jesus' never-ending love for us:

I loved you then, I love you now
I will love you tomorrow
When this world breaks you down
I will give you strength to stand
Look to me, take my hand and just believe
Before this day ever began, I loved you then


I don't understand how people make it through their lives without Jesus. I honestly would not be able to survive if I did not have Him. I would have no hope, no future, just darkness. It is so sad to think about. Please find Jesus, and give your life over to Him.

God is just so awesome!

Sometimes I really wonder how people make it through their lives without God. I find it sad actually. God is the only reason why I make it through each day. People are great and can be helpful, but they also can be harmful. I used to always go to people, and then sometimes God. My views have changed in the past few weeks. Now I go to God, and then sometimes people. Now I feel like if I go to people, God is showing me who to go to, the person who can be the most help to me at that moment. It's a great feeling.

This thought just entered my mind- Can we rely too much on God? Do we need to allow ourselves to rely on people a little bit? But what I realized, is that God will help us to rely on certain people when it is necessary, but in reality He is all we really need. When someone helps me get through something, I used to see it as them helping me. But now, I see it more as God helping me through a certain person. He is giving them the words to say and the things to do. He is using them to help me. I find it fascinating.

This past week, God answered a prayer request that I have been praying for for about 6 or 7 years now. It made me so happy. My friend once said a quote to me "You have to be willing to wait until you would be willing to wait forever." I have been praying for this, and I knew that God was going to answer, and I was willing to wait. My waiting paid off. The whole situation is such a God thing. It is really awesome.

So in short, God is good- all the time. I have seen this week how great He is even on the rough days. Keep fighting the good fight!

New Year, New Start

Well, I can honestly say that things have not been as easy as I would like, but I am still trying. I still have been gossiping a tad, I will admit it, but I am trying really hard to completely stop. I am really happy to be back at school. Being home and seeing friends and family was really nice, but I like getting back to my regular routine. I have a lot more time now, and it makes me soooooo happy!!! I can finally relax for a while in-between classes. I have been thinking a lot since I have been back at school. My friend Ashley was talking to me last night about turning coal into diamonds. I had kind of a sucky day yesterday not really for any reason in particular, it just was long and tiring. Ashley was telling me that our days will be a lot better if we take the bad things (coal) and try to turn them into something positive (diamonds) It is an interesting concept that I am going to try. Think about trying it in your life too.

WoW

God is really awesome. I spent a lot of time with Him today, and I just keep wanting to spend more and more time with Him.

I was in the middle of something earlier today and I started thinking and worrying about a certain situation I am dealing with. I suddenly stopped when I realized I was starting to worry about it and said "Nope. I'm not doing this. I gave this situation over to God, He can deal with it." and that was the end of it, and I went about my business. I used to dwell on stuff and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't give it truly over to God. I can count on one hand the number of times I have truly let God handle a situation, and each time I am blown away. It makes me wonder why I just don't let Him handle all the "situations" in my life :P The same thing happened today. I gave it over to God, and He just absolutely blew me away. God is incredible. End of story. I am learning this more and more, and it truly fascinates me. I love God a lot :)

Painting Pictures of Egypt

To start, 2011 has been amazing so far. Just simply amazing. Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit my high school for the afternoon, and it opened my eyes to how far I have come in the past few months. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my high school, why else would I go there a bunch of times over Christmas break? But here is what I realized; I don't fit there spiritually anymore. I can't go back and relive it, and I don't really want too anymore. Here are some lyrics to one of my favorite songs by Sara Groves:

I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I"ve learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned 


I have been saying for a while that I miss the loving, family, environment of my high school, and how my school helped me to stick close to my faith. But going back yesterday I realized something. The environment has little to do with your faith growing. I have grown sooooo much in my faith since leaving WCA. I have learned so much, and if I were able to go back, I wouldn't fit there anymore.I was in chapel yesterday and just seeing how people were acting were making me sick. Talking the entire time the speaker was, laughing during worship, it was just sick. Not everyone was doing this, but quite a few of them. They don't realize what they have. We sang the song Hosanna, and it was just beautiful. God's presence was definitely there, but it was like most of them didn't even know it. They were too busy talking. Maybe this sounds judgmental, but I am not trying to be. I just find it really sad. I wish they could see how absolutely amazing God is right now while they are still in high school. My already graduated friend and I were talking about how we have both recently discovered how AMAZING God is and how deep His love is for us. We were saying about how we wished the high schoolars could see how amazing He is. But then we realized, it doesn't really have to do with age. It's just a personal spot that you have to reach all on your own. You have to choose to go farther. It is soooooo worth it. Go forward. Even through the rain. Its a process, but it is worth it. 


God has become even more real to me in the past few days. I have been praying that God will help me to not gossip anymore. I was a little worried, because when I go to WCA, there are a couple of teachers that I usually go to for guidance. I have realized that usually I am complaining to them about people instead of truly going for guidance on the situation, and I don't want to do that anymore. I knew they would want to know how things were going, and I was just hoping that I could keep my mouth shut and only say limited details and keep from gossiping. God was so cool. It ended up, I had time to talk to each of the teachers, and I was able to catch them up on my life- but we did not have enough time to talk in depth about anything. I realized later that this was a total God thing. I felt content, because I got to see and talk to everyone that I wanted to, yet I didn't gossip at all and it felt really good. God helped me by making our time together limited, and I think that is pretty cool, and for me a total answer to prayer. 


If you haven't read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan, go get it. I haven't finished it yet, but I am already impressed by it, and 2 people have recently recommended that I read it. It is all about God's incredible love for us, and how to show that love to others. 


I am learning what I need in order to live, and who I need. I am realizing more and more that God is who we need to rely on, not humans. It is a very hard lesson to learn, and I am still learning it. I don't necessarily need people, but I do need God. And for the first time in my life, I think I am okay with that. 


If you don't get anything else out of this post, know that God loves you soooooooooooo much! I can't say that enough. 

Farewell 2010

Well, it is official 2011 is here. I can't say that I am too upset to wave goodbye to 2010. It has definitely been an interesting year for me.... not necessarily all bad, but it has been a challenge, and forced me to grow stronger each and every day.  I have learned what I want my life to be about, and who I want to be apart of it. I have learned how much precious time I waste doing dumb stuff (like spending hours on FB) and how much I love spending time with God over all other things. There were a TON of changes that took place.... most of them being ones that I didn't want to happen, yet I learned something through each of them. There were some things that happened that hurt me a lot, but they have taught me so much, and in a way I am thankful that they happened.

2010 showed me what life is really about; Living every single moment for God. Everything we do is for Him, and for Him only. It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Everyday God gives us challenges.... How will we treat the person who drives us nuts? Will we tell them to their face to bug off? Or will we go talk about them behind their back? What about the person who hurts us deeply? Will we go trash talk them and complain about them to other people? We shouldn't, but I guarantee you that we do. These are things that I unfortunately did a lot of in 2010. More than I would like to admit. I don't want to do that anymore, and I am going to try really hard not too.

I have read some really interesting things in devotionals and books the past few days, and it has really helped me to put my life into perspective once again. Sometimes I think about my life as a snowglobe... Life looks all peacefull and settled, then it gets shaken up, and you can see everything that is wrong and you can take the chance to fix it and put it back into perspective. Then, after a while the snowglobe gets shaken up again and you do it all over again. Thats what life is like, changing over and over again. As much as I hate change, I know it is good in the long run :P

2011 is a new start, and I thank God that I have the opportunity to start again. Do I know how this year is going to go? Honestly, I have no idea. But with God in control, I'm not worried about it :)