Are You a Leader or a Follower?

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105

I will never forget the conversation I had with John Zylka, one of my teachers and mentors from high school about two days before I graduated. We were talking about how I was terrified to graduate, and truly unsure of where God was leading me. I was unsure of my decision to go to Concordia for quite a few reasons, and truly just afraid of the season before me. I talked to him about how I wished God would just give me a huge headlight so I could see all of the path before me so I wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. Then Mr. Zylka said this to me:

"Marissa, the Bible doesn't say that God's words will be a headlight to show us the whole path, it says a lamp unto our feet. He gives us just enough light to be able to keep moving forward, not so much that we can see the whole path at once, we wouldn't need him otherwise. You need to take one step in front of the other instead of trying to jump right to the finish line of the season." 

I don't know if that hits you in the same way that it hit me, but I hear that and I am just like "Wow." No wonder I keep falling down, I am trying to run through this season so fast I am tripping over everything in my path because I am refusing to walk with God and let him light my path as we slowly walk through the darkness. I keep forgetting that I will get through the darkness, I just have to walk with the light of lights in order to get there. 

I had a moment of panic yesterday. My cellphone is no more. Completely dead. I got so angry at God, thinking "Are you serious?! Why are you throwing another rock in my path?! Thats not fair!" But heres the thing- God always knew that "rock" was going to be there, that I was going to struggle and trip and fall because of not having a phone for a few days. But here is where the light comes in- Because of my dead phone, I realized how stressed out I am right now. And I took the afternoon off work to come sit at Starbucks and catch up on my work for school, and simply have some God time. 

I had run ahead into the darkness, alone with no flashlight. And I tripped and I fell hard. And so now, I am stopping and taking a moment to say again "God, I need some light on this path. Tripping and falling every 10 feet isn't working out so well. Can I do it? Yes. I could. I could do it without him. But quoting another mentor of mine "Yes, you could do it, but at what cost?" I could do it, but get more "cuts, bruises, and scrapes" along the way. So here I am. Taking a step to stop and have God come meet me where I am and choosing to walk this path with him again. Am I saying that I ever stopped following God? Heck no. He never left me, and I never left Him. I knew he was always there with me, I just wasn't letting him be my guide. I was being a leader instead of a follower. Jesus didn't tell me to "lead my life and he would follow". No. He said "Come and follow me." Not vice versa. 

So here is my random thought of the day for you: Are you a leader or a follower? Probably a little of both. But here is my challenge for you today; Let him lead you. Step down. Get outta the drivers seat. Let him be in control. Let him be the lamp unto your feet and stop begging for a headlight. Take today for today and stop worrying about tomorrow. It's a rough pill to swallow, I get it. But try it. Trust me.