Spring Has Arrived!

View from our porch swing this morning

I can't believe in only another short week I will have been living in Missouri for two whole months! CRAZY! It's been such a rollercoaster of emotions over these past 2 months. I think I can safely I have never been so frustrated, angry, hurting, but so unbelievably happy in my entire life. It is astounding to me how this place somehow brings out your deepest darkest secrets, frustrations and pain and boils them to the surface. A lot of the time I end my work shifts angry and upset, but still amazed at how God is working in these girls lives and in my own that I cannot stay angry for long. I am currently sitting outside on our front porch swing enjoying this GORGEOUS spring day before my evening and overnight shift tonight and I am just in awe of the glory of God. It's finally spring- the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and there is new growth and life everywhere I look. I feel like that is where I am in life too. I am finally past the extremely stormy season- I no longer struggle 24/7 with depression and anxiety and have finally come to a place where I am starting to love myself for who God created me to be and to love my life exactly the way it is even though it is by no means perfect. And yet, there is still rain. In fact, it is supposed to rain later today. I am never going to fully escape the storms of life, and I think that is a lesson I still need to learn and grieve. I am still going to have days where anxiety and depression flair up- we live in a sinful world. But I can get to a place where those flair ups don't happen every day and I think I've finally gotten there and I praise God for that. It's a lesson that I talk to my girls about every single day. They are always asking me things like "Do you really believe I will get to a point where I won't be tempted to self harm everyday?" Or kill myself? Or have a panic attack? Or drink? Or whatever their personal issue may be. And at first, I was thinking "I honestly don't know. I've seen my struggles come back up since I've been here so I am hesitant to tell them that God is going to heal them and they wont struggle with this anymore." But what is reality? In reality, their past will always be part of them just like my past is part of me. And Satan LOVES to use our past failures, mistakes, and things done against us to bring us down. But the beauty to me that is through Christ we have the opportunity to be free from these things that chain us down not only here on earth but forever once we reach eternity with him. And that just brings me such great hope. I honestly cannot imagine working with people with the kinds of issues these kids face everyday without the hope of Jesus and healing through him. I cannot imagine not being able to pray for my girls and tell them the truth of Christ.

Sitting out here today, and typing out this update on my life for you all has really refreshed my spirit and my hope. Seeing the leaves on the trees and hearing the birds chirp and sing reminds me that good will come of this. Beauty will come from this rain. And while there will still be moments where the storm will rage and then pain will be fierce, and the lightning terrifying, there will be peace. There will be sun after the rain. And I will not give up on these girls no matter how hard it is sometimes and I will not give up on myself.

So here is my random thought of the day for you: I encourage you to do the same today. Take some time and soak in the beauty of God outside. Enjoy the springtime and new life. Sit out on your porch if even for just a minute and let the breath of fresh air wash over your soul and remind you that He is still here. He is still in control. And you will reach the season of springtime no matter how long the winter may seem. I was in the season of winter for at least 5 years if not longer. He will bring life, and the season of constant storms will end.

Please continue praying for our girls and for myself and staff. The devil is really raging war and wants to see these girls fail but I am confident that God has each of them in his hands and will not give up on them.