It's hard for me to believe that I am 1/3 of the way done with my time at Shelterwood. I feel like it was just yesterday I was walking through the doors only to have the alarm start blasting in my face. Good memories ;) August is already right around the corner, and a new school year looms ahead of us. Granted, the girls have been taking summer classes but it will still be nice to get back to their true "normal" routine. I am really looking forward to coming home for a week in August, so at this time next month I might be writing my update from home! Yay! :D
What is there to say? God is teaching me so much about myself, it is truly incredible. Painful, but incredible. I have learned so much about relationships, about self control, about how to be the 'adult' in situations, and how to truly rely on God for everything. I feel like my theme for this past month has been "This too shall pass." A few months ago when my panic attacks were out of control I thought there was never going to come again a day where I could get through it without a panic attack. Now? I might have one a week. If that. Then, I entered a season of intense anger. Nothing worked to calm me down, I was escalated for days, I felt as if I couldn't control my rage, and I would never be calm again. Now? I still get angry, and I have a lotttt of repressed anger from my past that I need to properly deal with. But am I having temper tantrums every day? Nope. This too shall pass.
Where am I at now? I am not sure what words to use to describe it. August is going to bring a TON of change to the Girls house, both in new staff and new littles, and it's been a hard, hard transition so far for all of us. I was talking to one of my mentor's Kari the other day and she asked why I was upset and threatening to shut down emotionally. My response "Because after August my life here is going to suck! Everyone I love is leaving me!" Her response? "Marissa. Before you came here you didn't know any of these people. You could've chosen to shut down then out of fear. But you didn't. And look at all the awesome relationships you've built! You're gonna have the same opportunity to do that again with all these new people that are coming in! It's gonna be okay." And again I realized, this too shall pass.
This season of intense change, sadness, and turmoil will come to pass. I will make new friends with the new August bigs, and new house staff and littles. There will come a day when I am writing another monthly update and think "Wow. August was a hard month. But we made it, and look how far we've come!"
God's doing a lot in my heart, and in our house. His work is evident, and Satan is trying so hard to shut it all down. But I trust and have faith that God's will will come to pass and that even in this season that feels impossible He will still reign sovereign. Please, please pray for myself and the littles and other staff. I know I ask this with every update but we need your prayers and support more than you can imagine. God is doing incredible things here at the 'wood. And I am blessed to be a part of it!
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