A Season of Unmet Expectations

I am sitting here at work today, and it is almost 70 degrees outside. I laughed as I looked at my Timehop this morning and it had snowed on this day one year ago. Everyone in the Michigan/Ohio has one expectation for this time of year: COLD. SNOW. EW. And yet? Here we are. It's warm, and it's gently, slowing fading from the warmth of summer into the cold of winter and it's taking a LOT longer than it normally does. Some people are horribly upset by this idea. However I hate winter, and so I am beyond thrilled that this is our current life situation. But in all reality? It is a season of unmet expectations. For the fall lovers, this has been a horribly disappointing fall because it is still 'warm'.  I sat and thought about this this morning, and realised that it is very similar to where I am at physically as well- this has been a season of unmet expectations.

I have talked many times before about how this new season has not gone how I have planned. We have not had girls for a while, and this past week has been CRAZY exhausting trying to make some decisions and work out some important details very very quickly. I sat there as I had a moment last night, beyond exhausted, and I thought "I feel like I did at Shelterwood." and I straight up panicked thinking "NO. This is NOT how this job is supposed to go! I am supposed to be fine! I need to up my self care! NO NO NO!" And after talking with a co-worker and talking through logistics I came to this conclusion- We had a long 48 hours. This is NOT consistently how I feel at work here- EVER. Yes, it's tiring, and stressful, but this is not how it is normally. Yes, this season looks different than I expected. My expectation for this season- an expectation that I would develop deep, meaningful relationships with my girls and find fulfillment in my job right away- has not been met. But, that does not mean it is a bad season and I need to run for the hills. It just means it is different. My expectations of how my first 3 months on this job were supposed to go haven't been met. And that is 100% okay.

I have walked through this new season feeling very alone. Granted, my co-workers are INCREDIBLE humans, and I love them all dearly. I feel like I have known them all my entire life, not just for a little over 2 months. But, I have longed for the "familiar". I have longed for friends from home to call when I am stressed, and to come visit me in my new apartment. I have had to come to terms with the fact that all my friendships are in a season of transition and change- and a few may be coming to a close. It's hard, it's uncomfortable, and it's yet another expectation that I had going into this season- an expectation that my support system from years past would stay consistent and get stronger- that has not come to pass. And that is 100% okay.

I've struggled, and questioned, and asked God consistently why He is asking me to walk this path right here, and right now when I feel so vulnerable and alone. I hate waking up each day and realizing that these expectations are not being met. It makes me want to scream "SCREW THIS!" at the world and just hide with my sweatpants and ice cream and binge watch netflix allllll day. But just as I am finding beauty and joy in the fact that the warmth has stuck around a little longer and the season is looking different than everyone expected- there is that beauty and warmth in how my season of change is looking different than I expected.

I have had a LOT of time to get to know my coworkers and really get to know their hearts and their passions. I have gotten to really focus on some counseling stuff that needed to be addressed. I have gotten to have some incredibly difficult conversations with my best friends that while painful have lead to a known sense of deeper trust and hope for the future that our relationship will be even stronger. I sit here, and I see so much beauty in the pain. I see hope in each falling leaf, and know that God is working in my heart in ways that I couldn't ask or imagine. My original expectations may not have been met, but the expectation that God is working? That expectation is being met consistently, 100% everyday.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- Are you sulking in unmet expectations? Or are you allowing yourself to sit in the expectation that God is always working, and looking for how He is working around you? That is my challenge for you this afternoon- stop looking for the world to meet your expectations. It's not going to. But, if you can take a step back, acknowledge that God is working, loves you, and wants the best for you and have THAT be your expectation? You are going to see blessings coming from raindrops that you never thought could even begin to be. So take a moment today, and take that time with God and let him meet His expectations for you beyond your wildest dreams.