The "Perfect" Christmas

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday for as long as I can possibly remember. The lights, the sounds, smells, tastes, and sights. Everything about Christmas just makes me smile. Most of all, I loved having my entire family together at once. Even if there were no presents to open, it would still be my favorite day of the year.

But after a while, as kids got older and families moved farther away, the Kulig Christmas tradition started to wipe away too. Suddenly we had Christmas Eve without my grandparents, or missing some aunts, uncles, or cousins. Until finally last Christmas it was just my parents, brother, sister, cousin and I. It just wasn't the same and it broke my heart. The love of the season was still there, but something was missing- my family. My traditions. My perfect Christmas memories.

But then, 2012 came around. My parents told us we were going to Florida, and that most of my family was going to be there for Christmas once again. I knew it wasn't going to be exactly like I was younger but I had this hope of the "Perfect" Christmas again in my mind. I started convincing myself that this would be the best Christmas of my entire life.

Well, lets just say things didn't go as smoothly as I originally thought they would. It was a terribly long drive to Florida, fire alarms went off in the middle of the night at our hotel, and everyone just seemed to be cranky. I started to think that maybe this wouldn't be such a great Christmas after all.

But then, we walked into my grandparents house this afternoon and my grandma started crying when she saw us. It kind of broke my heart a little bit. My picture perfect Christmas seemed to be coming together. As we got into our normal Christmas routine, I noticed how my uncle Matt and my cousins Alex, Jacob and Zach were missing since I had no one to goof off with. It was then I realized- this was not the perfect Christmas. And I got a little angry, thinking "Why can't we all just be together again?! Why did things have to change?! Why can't it just be perfect like it used to be?!" But after a moment I realized this- There has never been, and will never be such a thing as a picture perfect Christmas.

I remember one Christmas my grandpa's sweet potatoes caught on fire in our oven and made our smoke detectors go off. One Christmas I had the stomach flu and was throwing up every 5 minutes. One Christmas my brother spent most of the night in the ER. These things make anything but "perfect" Christmas experiences. But looking back, I can't help but smile and laugh because they were still perfect memories in my mind that I wouldn't change for anything in the world.

So maybe this Christmas didn't fit every part of my "Perfection" agenda that I had in mind. But it was perfect in it's own little ways and I made memories I will never forget. I got to spend time with my family, ate wonderful food, received wonderful presents, and simply enjoyed the fact that while life may not be perfect, it is chock full of blessings.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- Maybe your Christmas hasn't exactly been perfect this year. Maybe things have gone terribly wrong, you are fighting with family, or are simply just not having a good day. Remember this- your worldly Christmas celebration will never be perfect. But our reason for celebrating, the greatest Christmas gift of all, will always be perfect. He will never leave you nor forsake you. And He came for you this Christmas to save you from this world of imperfection and sin. Let Him love you and hold you this Christmas season.

Merry Christmas Everyone

He Knows Just What I Need!

"Sooo my mirror broke as I pulled it off my door. I decided to decorate it anyway in hopes that it will glue back together. I thought about this, and our dorm theme for the year was God shaping us into reflections of Him. Sometimes God has to "break" us in order to make us look more like His image. Now this will always remind me that whenever I am broken, God is using it to make me look more like his image. I guess it worked out well that my mirror broke :)" -May 5th, 2011

At this point of my freshman year, I thought that God had broken me as much as he would need to in my entire lifetime. I thought I had gone through enough pain and heartache to last me until eternity in heaven. But in reality, that has been ANYTHING but true. He has continued to break me, and in reality it has been beautiful. Hard, sad, painful- but beautiful. 

I have had a lot going on personally over the past few weeks with dealing with stuff at school, keeping hwk dates straight, friend problems, physical "sickness", and simply just having a rough time. Every day I have had to consciously turn to Jesus, and say "Abba I cannot do this on my own! I need you!" But through this, it has been simply amazing to see God working! So while I should be miserable, I have been happier now than I have been in a long time. 

I heard a song about a week ago, and it has literally what has kept me focused on Jesus over the past few days and not get too wrapped up in the things of this world. Part of the lyrics have really caught my attention:

"Get a glimpse of Jesus 

For He is right there with you 

He knows just what you need"

All I could keep telling myself was that Jesus knew just what I needed even if I didn't. And yesterday, God completely blew my mind through blessings. (PS. If you want to hear the rest of the song it is "When Life Gets Broken by Sandi Patty) 

The first, came through a beautiful sunrise on my way to U of M Hospital to get some tests run. It blew my mind, and reminded me simply how BIG my God truly is, and how in control of every single detail of our lives that he is. 

This is a huge way God shows me He loves me. Every time I see a sunrise, I just want to melt because I know it is a reflection of His love for me and he did it just to make me smile. This was my first blessing of the day.

The second came from my wonderful "big sister" Ashley. I checked my mail yesterday, and discovered I had a package waiting for me. I went and got it, and found a book from Amazon, perfectly applicable to a lot of stuff I had been dealing with. The catch? No idea who it was from. Finally, at the end of the day, I texted my friend Ashley and she told me she had sent it. (Reminder: She is in Mexico!) This simply blew my mind- the fact that my friend who is 3000 miles away thought of me, and sent me this book. But in reality- God worked through her weeks ago and urged her to get this book for me, and it came at exactly the moment in time that I needed it! Mindblowing. 

My third blessing of the day came from a lady named Judy Wuckert. She is an angel sent from God, and a huge blessing in my life. I had the opportunity to interview her yesterday, and God used her in some incredible ways to speak truth into my heart. I was blown away at how God used a hwk assignment to change the entire course of my day! 

And finally, as the sun began to set, I walked outside to this scene. And it was like God was saying "I love you Princess. Thank you for trusting me today. I am taking care of you- Please rest in my presence tonight." I was literally in blessing heaven. My heart was so filled with joy I could barely believe it. 

So here is my random thought of the day for you: God knows what you need. Catch a glimpse of Jesus, he is right there with you. He isn't going anywhere. Trust him and let him help you like he helped me. He has got you in his arms!

Love is Here

Today I spent some time in the chapel in prayer as part of our annual spiritual life prayer vigil. The hour I spent with God today was unlike any other time before.

Have you ever just taken time and sat in God's presence? It is beyond amazing. I was sitting on the chapel floor, and I noticed how the stained glass reflected on the floor in front of me. The beauty took my breathe away for a moment. It was God's way of saying to me "Marissa, I love you." I took a few moments after that and just simply basked in the thought that God is apart of everything. He shows us his love in every part of our lives. Sunrises, sunsets, the way the clouds are arranged. Reflections of glass, music, the way the wind blows or the sunshines. He is here. As I was realizing this, this song began to play on my ipod.

♫♫♫Love is here. Love is now. Love is pouring from his hands, from his brow...♫♫♫

He is desperate to pour his love on you if you will simply take the time and allow him too. Let him love you. He is enough.

I have had to face trials this week that I never in a million years thought I would have to face. At the beginning of the week, I was stressed, angry, hurt, afraid, sad, and so overwhelmed I couldn't function. I finally got to the bottom of my pit and realized that I was never going to make it without letting God simply take over. So, I decided that my goal for this week would be entrusting to God every small detail of my life. My homework, friends, time, sleep, family, school, etc. The results? Have been simply amazing! I have been more focused and at peace than I have been in a very, very, long time. I have been in awe for the past few days to say the least.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- Love is here, right now. Let him love you. Let him take care of you. His peace is astounding, and his love is unreal. Life may not go the way we plan, and we will have trials, just like I am right now. But God is enough, he will take care of all of your needs. Trust His Love.

Soul Sisters

The two people pictured above are Becky Chaplin and Kristen Chenoweth. These two girls are my best friends at Concordia. I sit here on a Sunday night after getting to spend quality time with Becky on Saturday and Kristen today, and I just cannot believe how blessed I am to have these two girls in my life.

Earlier this afternoon, I thought back to November of my freshman year of college, to a specific night when I was sitting in my SLR Ashley's room sobbing and telling her how much I missed my home friends and how I was desperate for true, soul-sister type friendship here at Concordia. I prayed the same prayer all through my freshman year, and through my sophomore year asking that God would please show me who these "special" friends would be. I never in a million years thought he would answer my prayers and give me so much more than I could ever ask for. So, the rest of this blog post is a shout out to my soul sisters, I want to share with you a piece of the amazing people God has placed in my life here at Concordia!!

Becky Chaplin- You are my ray of Sonshine! Your smile, your laugh, your giggles just bring me such joy. Your passion for Jesus is amazing, and so incredibly inspiring! I love our long talks, and our deep love for Christian music. I love our crazy obsessions with the Parent Trap, and the pure happiness we both experience over a Mountain Dew slushy. I love your desire to be as real with people as possible, and your passion to help others no matter what that may mean. I love how much you love Charlie, and your brother and your parents and how happy you become simply when one of them texts you. You are beautiful my dear. Flaws and all. You are precious, and I am thankful for you.

Kristen Chenoweth- Well homeskillet, there is a lot I can say about you. You are so strong, and I admire your family values, and how you will do anything to help someone you love. I love our "junk food moments" and knowing we shouldn't eat the junk but we do it anyways. I love our prayer times, and our devo times together. I love how you won't hide your faith for anything, and it is truly everything to you. I love your passion for life. I love seeing you smile, and hearing you laugh. I love hearing you pour you heart out as you write songs at the piano. I love how we can read each others minds and know what we are thinking. I love our sarcasm, and the moments that we are so "mean" to each other, but it is truly an expression of love. You are amazing my dear- and I love you dearly!

Ashley Hart- I love you friend. I thought that having you in Mexico was going to be beyond terrible. I was so scared you were going to leave and never talk to me again. And yet, you have proved me wrong in so many ways. God is using you for such great things in Puebla, and it is so amazing. The way you let God mold you and use you is so inspiring, and inspires me to deepen my relationship and trust in him every day. Your smile lights up a room whenever you come in, and your passion to help others is beautiful. I love our coffee dates, and frogs, and deep talks and memories of Esther. I love laughing with you, crying with you, talking with you, smiling with you. You are the best big sister in Christ I could ever ask for. I love you so much. Thank you for continuing to let God use you. You are impacting people thousands of miles away from you, and God is going to continue to use you for some big things.

Jamie Mack- My magic juice friend. I love you. Oh so much. From the moment I met you my freshman year in Biology, I knew we would be great friends. I love our late night talks, and the passion you have to help others. I love laughing with you, praying with you, screaming with you, and just being with you. You are an amazing person, and I hope you realize that. I love to see you smile and hear you giggle. I cannot wait to see what you do as a teacher- your kids are gonna love you! I hope you know how much I appreciate all the notes you send me in my mailbox, and when you make me special coffees in the nest. I love you friend. And I can't wait to see how God uses you next!

Stephanie Joy Emington- I love our "God" moments. I love how we can both just step outside and the morning sky will take our breathe away. I love sharing Taco Bell together and our long talks. I love our prayer times together, and our ability to be able to be real with each other. Your passion for your faith is unbeliavble, and you challenge me every day. I love how real and honest and open you are with God, and how you allow him to mold you every day. It is incredible  Thank you for being you friend. You are amazing.

Sarah Bartok- You were my first Concordia friend. I couldn't wait to move into Esther and meet you face to face! I love your passion for life, and your desire to help people grow in their faith. I love how important your family and friends are to you, and how you would give up anything to be there for someone else. I love how you are a diehard State fan, even when they don't win. I love reminiscing about "Esther" things with you, and how we can laugh and laugh about nothing. I love how hard you work, and how important it is to you that you do a good job. I am so happy we have known each other for almost 3 years now. It has been a great journey and I can't wait to see where God leads us next!

Emily Kuhlman- I have so many moments that I could write about right now. Moments of extreme laughter, frustration, pain, and sadness. You have helped me so much to become the person God wants me to be. You have helped me learn how to express emotions properly (for the most part lol) and how to treat people in ways they want to be treated. You have helped me SO much with Child Life stuff, and helped me move forward in my major by an incredible amount. I am so thankful God placed you in my life last year, and I can't wait to see how he uses you next!

To anyone else I may have left out (and trust me, there are probably a lot of you!) I love you. Dearly. But, it is now 12:34 on Monday morning, and I need to go to bed. So, know that I love you and appreciate you, and I will do this again someday and include you :)

To end this long post, here is my random thought of the day for you- Go tell your best friend that you love and appreciate them. Tell them why you love them, and what they do that just makes you smile. And don't forget to thank God for putting these special people in your life! :) 

My Tank Is Empty

I came to a solid conclusion yesterday afternoon- I simply cannot keep living my life the way I have been for the past month and a half. I am going to lose my mind if I have to go through one more week like the ones I have had so far this semester.

I haven't had the ability to go to church in at least 4 weeks. I have either been out of town, at training, or sick. My soul is desperate for time just with Jesus, and it hasn't happened. I have been falling behind on my homework even while trying to pay very close attention to what is going on and due dates. I have not spent time with some of my good friends due to lack of "time". I haven't eaten a meal in the cafeteria in over a week because I have been having to get "To Go" meals for every meal. I feel like I have been on the go since the moment I stepped foot back on this campus. I have not had one day of complete rest, and I am starting to pay for it.

My gas tank has been getting to the point of empty for a few weeks now. I have been running on little or no fuel, and expecting myself to function at full capacity. I don't know what else I can do to help myself- I have cut down my hours at both of my jobs, I have tried to set aside "Jesus Time" every day and yet everday becomes the same blur of busyness that leaves me overwhelmed and exhausted every night. I am finally out of gas, and there are no gas stations anywhere in sight. Great.

Why am I telling you this? I don't really know. I guess so that maybe you don't let your tank get completely empty as I have done. Stop and get gas before you run out. Say no to people, make yourself a priority. You are going to regret it if you don't.

Take My Life and Let it be Yours!

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." 

Matthew 6:33 

The past few weeks have been "interesting" to say the least. I have been on a roller coaster of emotions and overwhelmed by the amount of changes thrown at me this school year. I was drowning in a sea of chaos, with no sign of help coming anytime soon. I talked a few weeks ago about coming out of the "fog" and I went from fog to mass chaos. Luckily, that began to change last night. 

I have been physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I literally was so tired the other morning I couldn't keep my eyes open, and I ended up being 20 minutes late to work. I was frustrated because I can't figure out what is causing me to be so out of it. 
And then, I got to talk to my friend Ashley. It never ceases to amaze me how God uses our conversations to shine some light on what I need to be doing. I was telling her about how I can't focus on anything important, and I am just not myself lately. She then proceded to ask me how my "God time" had been going. I beat around the bush for a bit and then finally admitted that most days I don't have God time. We talked about it for a while, and she convinced me to look at my schedule and schedule some "God time" for every day of the week. 

We then talked about how I couldn't get myself to focus in school because I simply have no motivation to go to my classes or do my schoolwork. She then explained this to me- God has given me the talent or gift of academics. I could get a 4.0 if I actually tried. But most of the time, I slide by with low A's and B's so I don't have to do any work. But, I now have a new perspective. Ashley was telling me last night that God has given me this gift, and so when I use this gift, it brings praise to him. I thought of the story of the ten talents, and about how when the master came back, he wanted to know how his servants used their gifts. What am I going to tell God when I get to heaven? I was too lazy to actually use the gift he gave me?! I can imagine that will go over real well! So, I have decided that this year I am going to do everything within my power to use the gifts that God has given me, and use them to bring glory to Him! 

And then, to connect it all to this verse. My friend Becky did a devo off of this verse last night. She talked about how when God is our first priority, everything else will fall where it needs to be. God has not been my first priority over the past few weeks, even months or close to a year. And I have been miserable to say the least. I gave everything over to God last night, and I gave this school year over to Him.

Today, was amazing. I had more energy than I have had in months. I was able to go work out, and eat normal meals for the most part. I was truly happy, and you couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I spent time with God, and I got all my classes and homework organized for the semester. I have balance in my life for the first time in at least 6 months. I am happy. And blessed. 
So here is my random thought of the day for you- Let God take your life and let it be all for him and for his glory. In everything you do, it should be about him. Even your school work and friendships. When you become God focused instead of you focused, suddenly everything is going to fall into place. And you are going to be happier than you could ever imagine!! I'm not saying that my life is perfect now. Trust me- It's FAR from perfect. But I am happier right now then I have been in months, and I know it is ALL because of HIM! 

Brain Fog

Have you ever driven through a really thick fog? You can't see anything and it is somewhat frightening. My mind has been in a brain fog since I moved back to campus almost three weeks ago. I have been physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained day after day after day. I got to a point where I simply was tired of it. I was tired of everything going "wrong" a.k.a not "my way" and having sucky days every single day. I was tired of being busy, and having to do homework, and do the tasks of daily life. I have been trying to shed some light and get out of this fog for weeks, but it felt like nothing I was doing was working. Every day was still the same, and in some ways it was really scary. But tonight I realized something- everything I was trying truly wasn't working, and I didn't have a solution of my own that would work. In this fog, I completely lost sight of the one solution that would work- Jesus.

Tonight I got to spend some time with Lonnie and Amy. Lonnie is a Family Life student here who has been battling cancer since late January of this year. Their story is incredible. And tonight, he reminded all of us about what it means to be a Christ follower during trials. He asked for prayer for everyone but himself, saying that there is always someone who is in a worse situation than yourself. His strength and reliance on God blew me out of the water. And it blew the fog right out of my mind and shed the light on the one thing that I haven't dug into recently- my faith.

I have had a terrible time the past few weeks missing my friend Ashley who just moved to Mexico for a year. I have cried many tears because I want to see her, talk to her, hug her. I have never gone to Concordia without her here, and I am just not used to not having her here. I have had trouble with some stuff for classes, finances, friend issues, faith issues, dorm situations, and probably much more and it all just took me down. I have some amazing friends here who have stood by my side and held me while I cried and for that I am extremely thankful.

 I went into this year thinking everything would be the same, and I would be just fine. I made myself believe I wouldn't miss Ashley and there would be no tears. I convinced myself that even with all the changes that have taken place, my life here would be the same that it has been for the past 2 years. And I realized tonight, I was wrong.

Things have changed. This is a new year, a new start. I am not the same person I was when I left here in May, nor will I be when I leave again. Change is not bad. "New" is not bad. And yet I have been focusing on the bad and hating the new since before I even got back here. I have been trying to act as if nothing has changed in fear of forgetting how great those things were, and yet in a lot of ways everything has changed. It doesn't mean that these memories are meaningless, or that I will no longer care about someone because they are not physically here or our relationship has changed. It is just new, and different, and it may take some time to adjust and that is okay.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- God has never left you. Even on the foggiest day when you can't see an inch in front of you and you just scream and cry in tears of frustration He is there. Trust Him. He will get you out of this fog eventually, even if it takes weeks like it did for me. He loves you.

It's Freshman Move in Day! I should be excited, not crying, Right?!

Two years ago, almost to the day, I spent my first night of college in Esther dorm. I remember this day, and most of the details that went with it. I know I cried at least once, not sure if this whole "college" thing was going to be as cool as everyone was trying to make it seem. It feels like an eternity ago, and yet it feels like just yesterday at the same time.

And here I am today. Two years later. A completely different person, and I am okay with that fact. I am now part of our student leadership team and today I got to help move in the freshman. As I took a step back I remembered what it was like to be in their shoes- terrified out of my mind and unsure of what lay ahead of me. I moved quite a few girls into Esther today, and then suddenly I couldn't handle it anymore. I literally had to step outside and I burst into tears.

It's move in day! I should have been excited, and happy and thrilled for a new year. But for a moment, I really wasn't. I moved people into my old SLR Ashley's room today, and it cemented one thing into my head: She is gone, things are different, you are no longer a freshman and she isn't coming back for a while. And suddenly, it was like all the emotion hit like a ton of bricks and I couldn't control it and had to step outside for a bit. I am going to miss her terribly, and it made me realize the impact that she has had on my life.

Ashley was exactly my age when she became the SLR of my freshman dorm. 20 and a Junior. I saw her and my RA as leaders, older students who I knew I could look up to and trust. Who I knew would protect me and take care of me. People who would be my friends. And I realized today that there are girls here who may grow to look up to me the way I look up to her. And in a lot of ways that scares the crap out of me. It's not that I don't think I could be there friend, or love them, or help them fall more in love with Jesus. It's just the fact that I still feel like a baby freshman sometimes. I still feel like I just got here and have so much more to learn. How could someone depend on me, if a lot of times I feel like I am in the same place as them?.

I know if God wants this to happen it will, even if I don't trust him to use the abilities he has given me. I am scared to possibly be an "older sister" to these girls. What if I let them down? I think this post is a little deeper than some of the stuff that I usually write. I may not feel ready to be this person in a freshmans life, but God has a plan for it.

So here is my random thought of the day: It is okay to cry. It is okay that I "ruined" move in day for myself to let myself take 5 min and cry. It is okay that Ashley is leaving, and that I am scared out of my mind to be her role in my life to someone else. It's okay because I know God is in control and will do whatever he needs to do in my life. So trust him, and let the tears flow. He has got you in his hands. 

4 Semesters Down, 4 to Go!

It's that time of year again. Tomorrow I move back on campus to start my Junior year. I wrote a very similar post at this time last year, but my feelings were completely different. I am thrilled to say that the majority of my anxiety for this year has gone away, at least for the past few days. I know there are gonna be a TON of changes this year, and probably some that I don't like all that much. I know I am going to miss my friend Ashley terribly, and there will be hard days. But I know this as well- God has me at Concordia for a reason. It becomes more evident to me every day that I am there. I am beyond excited to see what he has planned for me this year, I cannot even put it into words.

I am beyond excited to get to live in a newly renovated dorm, and to be surrounded by a dorm full of people that I love. I am excited for spiritual life training and to grow deeper in my faith and as a person. I am soooooooo excited to see some of my best friends who I haven't seen since May, and to be back at the place I consider my 2nd home.

So here we go. I am choosing to let my faith be bigger than my fear. It's going to be an exciting ride- and I can't wait. Next time you hear from me I will be somewhere on Concordia's wonderful campus! Please be praying for me as I start out on this new chapter of my life!! :)

Change is Coming

Fall is right around the corner. It's hard to believe considering I still feel like summer just started. I love the change in seasons- the gorgeous colors of the trees and the cool fall nights. I love when the leaves fall off the trees and everywhere you walk you can hear them crunching. 

I was thinking today about all the changes that are coming for me this fall. Every day I am having to convince myself to not be worried about it and to trust that everything will be great. Don't get me wrong- I am beyond excited to go back to school. There is just such a great amount of unknown that it makes me uncomfortable.

I was going to write something to my friend Stephanie on Facebook earlier today and I saw one of her statuses from a few days ago; "Have no fear that the leaves are falling, it just means you are changing seasons. Let the tears fall as they may. Maybe something beautiful will spring up. Sometimes the dirt has to be ravaged before the pretty little seed can burst up in joy again." It totally made me stop in my tracks and look at this coming fall and other changes in our life from a new perspective. Every time change happens, we are entering a new season of life. We may be thrilled about the change, (winter to spring) or really unhappy (fall to winter). We are going to have gorgeous days (think blue skys, 75 degrees) and nasty days (snow.) But you can't have seasons without both. It just wouldn't be right. Our lives are the same way. 

I don't like that a new season is coming. I want the sunny and 75 days to stick around 24/7, but that isn't how life works. It's okay that the leaves are changing color and falling, it's okay if I cry. This season of my life is coming to an end. And while I may not like it, God may need to do some work in my life and let me rest during the winter before the new flowers of spring can burst through the soil again. There are going to be moments of this season that I love, and moments that I wish didn't happen. But through it all I know this- God is in control of the weather. He isn't going to let anything happen during this season that I can't handle with his help.

So here we go. A new season is coming, and instead of trying to fight it, and keep convincing myself that maybe I can stop it, I am going to start trying to embrace it. 

(Insert interesting post title here)

Today is my 20.5 birthday. I have been alive for approximately 7,482.5 days. Thats kind of crazy to think about. In some ways, it seems like nothing. In other ways it seems like a really long time. It is kind of crazy for me to think that I am going to be 21 in 6 months. It seems like not that long ago I was in elementary school. 21 is a really big deal in our society- it is the age when you are truly considered an adult. And yet, our brains aren't fully formed until age 25. Funny how that works.

I have a lot going on in my life right now. It's crazy to me to think that in a week from Friday I will be moving back on campus to start my Junior year of college. I feel like I was just a freshman, how can I possibly be a Junior already?! This fall I am going to be starting some new things that are really going to prepare me for my career. It is kind of scary to think about. I'm not sure that I am ready to be a full fledged adult yet. I still enjoy sleeping in and eating junk food and watching cartoons. I literally have a week left of summer vacation. Although, I will admit this has not been very "vacation" like at all. It is going to go by so fast, and in some ways I am ready to go back, but in some ways I am really not ready for all the changes this fall is going to throw at me.

I feel like I am on the edge of something big, and yet I have no idea what it is. I just know it is going to be great, and God is in control. I just spent an hour reading over some of my posts from the last 2 years. My life has changed so much, and it is incredible to me. I never thought I would be doing or saying some of the things I am now, but God has known about every detail since the beginning.

Life is amazing. I hope you are realizing that or you will realize it someday. As I read over this post, it seems so crazy and jumping from one thing to another. But that is what my life is like, so I guess this is a good representation!!

I'm not sure if I really had a specific point in mind with this post. Maybe I did. I don't really know. Usually I do. But I guess just know this- God has a plan for you. Even when your thoughts seem random and scattered like mine feel tonight, God is going to use each and every one of them. Don't worry- Be happy. Don't get mad, get Glad. He has got this in his hands, and eventually he will play connect the dots and show you the big picture and show you how all of your random thoughts are connected to make something amazing.

Precious, Sacred, Memories

This, is my grandpa's tractor. I remember the last time he took me for a ride. I was probably nine or ten years old and we rode all around his yard and back through the woods. He even taught me how to drive. I got hit in the face a couple of times by some tree branches, but it was something I will never forget. That moment when he said to me, "Rissa, go grab your jacket. I'm gonna show you how to drive the tractor today!" Today, memories like this flooded my heart and brought tears of joy and of pain.

My grandpa had a major heart attack today, and during the longest 2 hour drive of my life we thought we might lose him. We still aren't totally sure what happened. He is stable, and we are thankful. But it really made me take a step back and remember all the precious moments I have shared with this man I call Grandpa.

Some of my earliest memories are from spending the summers up at my grandparents cottage. The sweet smell of "Up North" and the rustling of trees. Campfires every night, too many marshmallows to count, and the loud clinking of horseshoes. I loved the spiral climbing stairs, and the homeyness of their cabin. I loved camping out with my cousins, and coming up with too many adventures to count. I loved digging in the dirt and screaming every time my feet touched a lilly pad in the lake. I loved getting up early with him to feed the ducks, and coming home to warm blueberry pancakes for breakfast made by my grandma. I loved our watermelon seed spitting contests, hearing him whistle a tune, and most of all his laugh. I loved that he could just look at the shy, impatient grin on my face and know that I wanted him to take me three wheeling. I miss the wind flying though my helmet covered hair as we sped down the dirt roads and through the woods and my mom yelling for him not to go so fast! I remember when he let me drive by myself for the first time and I kept running into a giant tank in their yard over and over again and he would just laugh and laugh before he came to help me.

I remember when he backed his jeep into our van and broke our headlight. I remember when we would go to the moose for breakfast and I thought it was the most amazing thing in the world. I remember when they would get to our house for Christmas Eve and it was like suddenly everything was more fun. I remember Easter egg hunts, and Christmas Eve's and all the special moments a kid should remember at their house. I remember when our power went out and he came and "rescued" me and took me to his house to spend the weekend with my cousins while my parents were home in the cold. I remember hours of picking blackberries back in his woods, and Grandma making blackberry cobbler for all of us. I remember walking down the rows of his garden as he taught me about the plants and we would pick ripe things to eat for dinner.

I remember the tears when I found out he had cancer, and they weren't sure if he was going to make it. I remember the fear of not knowing if I would ever see him being himself ever again. And now, I will always remember today- August 6th, 2012. The day I almost lost my grandpa. I will remember the fear during the long drive, my almost inability to hold back my tears, and I will remember trusting that Jesus would make everything okay in the end. I will never forget seeing my grandma's face when we got off the elevator, and her look of relief and joy when she told us he was stable. I will never forget the long walk back to his room, not sure of how he was going to be. But most of all, I will never forget walking into his room and hearing him whistle a little and his voice saying "Well golle, I didn't think all of you were gonna be comin up here. Well hello sweet girl! How is school? You best be keeping those grades up right?" Those were some of the sweetest, most wonderful words I have ever heard in my life. My grandpa, in the ICU extremely sick, and he still wants to know that I am keeping my grades up. I will never, ever forget that moment.

My grandpa isn't out of the woods yet. They have surgeries to do and tests to run. But I know one thing- I will never, ever forget today. Thats my random thought of the day for you- Don't let these precious, sacred, memories go right on by. Sights, smells, and sounds may seem pointless to remember right now, but one day, you may be clinging on to them and cherishing them more than you ever realized. We aren't promised tomorrow- remember that. Tell someone you love them, give them another hug, because tomorrow may be too late. 

Don't Let Go- Hold On To Every Moment

Someone once told me that in order to find out what we are supposed to do with our lives, we need to find out what we are truly passionate about. We need to find the thing that breaks us down to our core and we would do anything in the world to make it stop. I found mine a long time ago, and yet every Sunday it is reaffirmed in my mind. Two words: Pediatric Cancer.

Most of you know I volunteer on the cancer floor at Mott. I have known for years that I wanted to work with kids with cancer. I have been told I shouldn't- it is too heartbreaking, they are very sick, how will I feel if they don't make it? And yet it is at this place I find hope.

Every week I see kids who are so sick that some are not allowed to leave their rooms. I have kids with so many tubes and lines running out of them I can barely count them. I have kids who constantly feel like they are going to be sick, and are barely able to do anything. I have high schoolars who aren't sure if they are going to be able to play sports in the fall, and they wonder what their friends are going to think of them without any hair. I have kids who can barely speak, and all they want you to do is sit and watch spongebob with them. Some may find this terribly depressing- I find it inspiring.

These kids, these families- they know the value of life, of every moment of every day. They know what it means to trust Jesus. Just today, a man was sharing the gospel with another family outside of his very sick son's hospital room. They know how important it is to say I love you before leaving, the meaning of one more hug. They aren't worried about what their house looks like, or if they are going to be able to have the new fashions for the next school year. They aren't out buying Coach purses and flat screens.  Instead, they are buying bubbles so they can enjoy some giggles and smiles with their four year old. I want the desire for life that these families have. I want the urgency of the fact that we aren't promised another day. I want to live a life of love and service to those around me. I want to make a difference.

Cancer makes me very angry- I don't want these kids to suffer anymore. I want a cure more than anything else in the world. These children have their childhoods robbed from them and it just isn't fair. If you get nothing else from this post, know this- Life is precious. Let your kids do the silly things they want to do. Let them live life to the fullest. Let them enjoy the beautiful childhood God has given them. But I also want you to know this- Pediatric Cancer is very real, and takes lives every moment of every day. Please join with me in the fight for these children. If nothing else, pray for them. Pray for their doctors, their parents, their siblings, their friends. These precious fighters need all the prayer warriors they can get.

Jesus Loves The Little Children

How many times have you heard this song? Probably a million. I know I have. I think I have been able to sing the words to this song since the time I could talk. But have you ever sat down and really listened to the words though? I know I never have. Have you ever thought about what it is saying? Often times we teach this to young children so that they can begin to learn that Jesus loves them. But what about us as adults? We don't often think of ourselves as children, but we are still children of the king of kings and He loves us dearly. 

I was thinking about this as I sat in church today. For a long time, I have had a hard time understanding the love of God. I didn't understand how he could still love me even though I sin often, and really am nothing in comparison to his glory. But then earlier this summer, my friend Stephanie posted a picture one day of a little child. She wrote underneath it "If God loves me like the way I love these children, I think I am starting to understand his love." It suddenly became clear to me. I love love love spending time with kids. Everything they do brings me joy- from laughter even to having to change stinky diapers. God's love for us is exactly the same. NOTHING we do will change his love for us. Nothing is going to make him leave, make him abandon us. Even messing up big time, or causing him pain. He is still going to love you! He wants to spend time with you, to laugh with you, to cry with you. You are his precious child, and nothing will ever, ever change that.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- Sit in Jesus's love a little bit today. Let him show you how much he loves you, how much he wants to take care of you, to work in your life. He tells us in Matthew 19:14 "Let the little children come to me- and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Go to him today and rest in his love. You may not be a child anymore in the eyes of the world, but you are in the eyes of Christ, and he loves you more than you can even imagine. 

You Are Making Me New

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

My friend Stephanie posted this verse earlier today; it was definitely something I needed to hear. Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in the past that I truly forget about my life now and my future ahead of me. I was thinking about some stuff that I have done in the past, and I was thinking "How could I have been so dumb?! Why did I do those things?!" 

Many people don't know this, but I struggle with anxiety. It is a challenge for me to go places that there are going to be a lot of people, especially parties or large group settings. Usually, I have a pretty good handle on it, but sometimes I really don't. Sometimes I literally have to get up and leave a room because it is too much for me to handle. It is embarrassing. Especially because most of the time I can't explain why I need to leave, I just know I need too. I get frustrated easily, and get too easily wrapped up in what I think people think.

This may seem unconnected to what I wrote above. But here is the thing- when I have an anxiety attack and don't react in ways I want too, I think about it for days afterwards. I think about how embarrassed I get and how much I wish I would have done things differently. I dwell on the past and let the scenario run through my mind over and over again. God doesn't want us to live our lives like this. He doesn't want us to dwell in the past. He wants us to be here, now, present. Not worrying about what we could have done differently, or what we think we should have done, or what other people think about us.

I really love this quote "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift from God. That is why we call it  the present!" I am currently working through my anxiety problems. God is making me a new person- a person free from anxiety and ready to enjoy this glorious present he has given me and help me to stop dwelling in the past. So here is my random thought of the day for you- Stop dwelling in the past. Stop beating yourself up for the things you wish you could have done differently. The past is behind you, but you have your entire future to try again. He loves you, and he has called you to a life that is far greater than how you are living right now. You just need to trust him.

Be Still My Anxious Heart

I move back to Concordia in around 17 days. I received my "Welcome to life at Concordia" packet in the mail today and my anxiety for the fall went from about 30% to 200% in about 2 minutes. I found out my dorm got switched and I still have no idea if I have a roommate. One of my close friends got switched to a dorm on the other side of campus, and my RA got changed to a different one. Added to this, one best friend is leaving for Mexico in less than a month and will be gone for a year, and the other best friend is leaving for Guatemala for the semester. Yikes.

Needless to say, I had a mini panic attack this afternoon. I was freaking out. (In case you don't know, I HATE change. I am a control freak in every way imaginable) I don't want a different dorm, or to have my friends not be near me, or to just have so much uncertainty placed before me. I want to know exactly what is going to happen, where it is happening, why it is happening, how it is happening, and who is going to be there. But life isn't like that. Unfortunately. Welcome to one of my biggest struggles in life- I can't control everything around me.

I was heading to bed tonight pouting, really not wanting my friend Ashley to be leaving for Mexico soon, and scared to death about what the fall is going to be like now that my plans appear to have changed a lot. But then, it was like God said to me"Child, BE STILL. I am here. I love you, and I have a plan. Be still."

So here is my random thought of the night for you- Change happens. Things are going to come that you aren't happy about. But God will never change. Be still. Let him have control over the entire universe and show you the way you need to go. Let your anxious heart be calm and still and sleep in peace tonight. I'm still not happy about everything that changed today, but I am choosing to be still and let God hold my anxious heart and guide my steps.

He Loves You!

Today as you may know, my uncle Mike suffered a severe asthma attack and will be taken off of life support in the morning. I heard this, and couldn't believe it. I have never understood why God takes some people out of our lives at what appear to us to be random times. And yet, he has a plan that we do not even understand.

This afternoon I was questioning what God was doing, why he was causing my family this pain. I went to a college group called Truth with my friend Becca tonight, and we watched a video  called Father of Lights- showing us who God truly is. In short- it tore me apart. This video showed God's love for his creation, his passion for our lives, and his unending desire to never leave your side. To carry you, to hold you to love you. He desperately wants to save you. He wants to take away your addictions, your pain, your heartache. He is the only hope that we can hang on to. That is what got me tonight. HOPE. God is my only hope. His salvation is my only hope. In this world, I have nothing. But through him, I have eternity in heaven. When someone close to you is losing the fight of life, Hope seems far away. Pointless, not real. But tonight I realized that while my uncle is dying, I have hope for my future- I know where I am going. And I want you to have this same hope. I realized tonight that I have so many family members and friends who I am not 100% sure know Jesus like I do. I want you to go to bed tonight knowing that you are going to meet your king in heaven when the time comes for you to leave this earth.

There is only one way to him. The video tonight explained it like this- There are many, many phone numbers in the world. But if you don't dial the number you need you aren't going to get anywhere. 1-800-JESUS is the number you need tonight. Tell him that you are desperate, in need of a savior and you want to be captured by his love and grace. He loves you more than you can even understand and wants his child to come to him so that he can hold you, love you, protect you and forgive you.

Tonight, my heart is heavy. My family member is losing the fight of life and it does bring pain to my heart. But through the love of Jesus, I have hope. I know he will carry me through this heartache.

If you don't know Jesus tonight, and you want to share in the hope that I have, please pray this prayer tonight.

Dear Jesus,
I know that I have sinned in my life, and done things that you did not want me to do. I also know that you sent your one and only son Jesus to take my place on the cross as punishment for my sins so that I can one day be reunited with you. Father, tonight please come into my life, come into my heart. Please forgive me for my sins, and help me to trust in your unfailing love. I accept your gift of eternal life and want to spend eternity with you. I need you Jesus. In your name I pray, Amen.

If you prayed this prayer tonight, or would like someone to pray with you, please contact me. I would love to tell you more about the hope I have in Jesus and share with you his promises in the Bible.

You are loved by the king of the universe. You are his child, and nothing will ever, ever change that.

Do I have to do it or do I want to do it?

It's finally Friday. For some reason, the weeks have gone by so quickly this summer. I have to admit though I am ready for a break for a few days. I have blogged about this a lot this summer, but the question is still on my mind- What are you going to do today to make today stand out from yesterday? To make it not just "another Friday" but a day that you will maybe remember a few weeks, or even months from now? I want every day of my life to be an adventure, not just "another day".

I have less than 30 days of summer left. So, I have decided that every day I am going to come up with a game plan, or a goal of at least one exciting adventure that I want to complete that day, or over the next few days. My goal for this weekend- Scan a bunch of my old pictures and documents laying around my room so that they don't eventually get destroyed. This is not a small feat- I have hundreds of pictures probably just sitting in a box waiting to be looked at. I have tons of papers that I need to save to help study for my Child Life certification exam in a few years. And yet, they are all sitting in piles in my room waiting for me to get the initiative to do something with them. Well, that day has arrived. Hopefully by the end of the weekend I will have everything saved to a couple of DVD's and I will feel a bit better knowing my documents are safe and won't get destroyed by me. I have been on a big organizational kick this summer... my room is fairly organized, not totally done yet but we are getting there.

So why am I telling you this? Simply because I want to tell you about every random detail that goes through my head? Of course not. I am telling you simply because of this- A little over a year or two ago I realized something, My life up to that point had been a life of "Because I have too." It was never because I wanted too, it was never because I was passionate about something, it was because I felt like I had to do whatever it was in order to be the person that everyone else wanted me to be. But then- I came to realize that my life can be whatever I choose to make it. Everyday can be an adventure if I choose to make it one. And that is why I am telling you all of this. I don't want whoever is reading this to live a life of "I have to." I want you to live a life of "I want to!" I want to change my life, I want to be happy, I want to be healthy. I want to be the person God created me to be. God didn't create us to be creatures of "I have to." That is why he gave us free will. We have to choose to love him, to follow him to trust him. We can't just do it because we feel like it is what we are supposed to do. We will be miserable. So that is my random thought for you today. Are you going to have an attitude of "I have to!" or "I want to be the person God created me to be!"

Don't Blink

I cannot believe it. In exactly one month from today I will be moving back onto campus to begin my Junior year of college. It seems like just yesterday that I was scared to death to start my freshman year, and now here I am almost done. Summer seemed to FLY by... I think it was because of Germany taking up all of May, but I still cannot believe how fast the time has gone. I never used to believe people that the older you get the faster time goes, but now I am starting to believe them. My friend told me that each year of college seems to go by a little bit more quickly than the one before. I am not sure that I am very happy about that. It is becoming more and more real to me that soon I have to become a "real" adult and the fun and games are over. I don't know if I am ready for that part of my life yet. I am excited to start a new chapter, but it is still scary at the same time.

I don't want to wake up ten years from now and feel like I let this time just slip away like sand. I want to know that I cherished every day, and did what I could to make a difference in someone else's life. I feel like we often say this, but we never do anything about it. I am tired of just trying to get through each day. I want to love the life God has given me even if some days are harder than others. I don't want time to fly by anymore. I said the same thing about a month ago, and here we are. Time still got away from me. I mean, lets be realistic- I still haven't finished moving back into my bedroom from Concordia, and now in a few weeks I am going to have to pack it all up again to move back! It's simply crazy.

So here is my random thought of the day for you- Don't let today slip away. Try and do something nice for someone else, take time for yourself to relax, go hang out with a friend you haven't seen in a while. Life is too short to be wrapped up in whether or not the house is clean, or if you are going to make enough money. Trust God- He will provide for all your needs. Take a deep breathe- He is with you and is walking through this day with you. "This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24

He's Not Finished With Me Yet

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1:2-4 

I love to paint. I will be the first to admit that I am not very good unless I sit down and take a lot of time (meaning weeks) to work on a piece. So usually when I paint it is simple, yet has some sort of meaning and doesn't take me more than a couple of hours to complete. I find painting extremely therapeutic and soothing. It helps to relieve my stress, and to express emotion I may not be able to in other ways.

Tonight, I finger-painted for the first time in a long time. I love how paint feels on your hands and how much you can do with it on the paper. As I was creating my "masterpiece" this evening I came up with an analogy for life.

We are God's original masterpeice. The events and emotions in our lives create the colors that go onto the canvas. Many times in life, we want to be happy 24/7. We don't want to deal with mad, sad, hurt, ashamed or afraid. We just want to be happy. But in order to create his masterpiece, God needs a variety of colors. He needs the red of pain, and the blue of sadness to create purple, the color of royalty, to crown you as his prince or princess when you return to the kingdom of heaven. He needs the yellow of happiness and the blue of fear to create the spring of new life of green. What if we only let him use the color of happiness? How boring would a plain yellow canvas be?! We need to stop fighting these emotions and let the master artist complete his vision. It may look messy right now, but one day He will step back and say "It is finished!" and it will all become beautiful and clear. 

Every Moment Has A Purpose

Today, was a rough day on a lot of levels but on the outside most people probably had no idea I was having a rough day. But what started out rough, slowly but surely turned into something incredible.

I started out my day by going to IKEA and picking out a new bed with my family. It was crazy busy, and I was really stressed by the time I left the store. But, I got a really cute new bed, so that is a plus. After I left IKEA I headed over to Ann Arbor to go on a "coffee date" and later to a college ministry event with one of my best friends Ashley.

When I pulled out of my driveway to head out for coffee I was tired, cranky, and not wanting to be around people. I was praying on my way to Starbucks and saying something along the lines of "God, I don't want to be around people right now. I don't want to deal with anyone, I don't want to think about anything. Why am I even going to this thing? There is no one who is even going to know me other than Conco people." I pulled into Starbucks a very defeated little girl shaking from all my stress and anxiety and just wanting to be done with the day. 

I sit down for coffee with my friend and we begin to talk like we always do and it was simply amazing to me to hear about all the ways God is working in both of our lives. It really made me take a step back and kind of be like-"Oh yeah. God's in control. Not me. He's got this, and he has got a super amazing plan for me, why am I stressing?!" So we are talking about some things and I mention how I have felt that God was wanting me to do some things but I just wasn't doing them for some reason. Ashley encouraged me to listen to God and he would make what I needed to do clear and if I asked him give me a desire to do them.

After we did coffee, we headed back to Conco to make dinner with some of our friends before we headed out to a college ministry thing we were invited too. We had NO idea what was going to happen at this event, and were just trusting it was where God wanted us to be tonight because we all felt we needed to go. By this point, I was confident that this is where God wanted me tonight and I was ready to go along for the ride- even though I had no idea what that was going to mean.

We went to this group, and it was totally 100% different than I expected! I got there only to realize that I had been invited to this group a few weeks ago by one of my WCA friend's parents. It was crazy- God obviously wanted me there tonight! I had some great conversations with people tonight, and God gave me some pretty clear answers to some things I have been praying about. God showed me his plan and purpose in so many ways tonight it was unreal. Not only did he fill my spiritual needs, he also showed me some personal things and I was simply blown away.Things tonight directly connected to what I had been talking about with Ashley only hours before. I was sitting tonight at this bonfire thinking "God, can you honestly be anymore clear right now?!" It was amazing. Don't underestimate the small moments in life- the frustrations, the coffee dates, the bonfires. Every moment and every random thought is part of God's plan for you and it will all come together and you will simply be amazed. 

Am I really Losing?

Tenth Avenue North is one of my favorite bands. They have a new cd coming out in August and this is one of the songs they realeased earlier this summer. I love it. I feel like it is the story of my life right now. I am really struggling with forgiving some people who have hurt me. I keep thinking that I have forgiven them, and then suddenly I am extremely angry and upset about the situation again. But here is what I have to continue to learn- Forgiveness is not a one time thing. We have to choose every single day to forgive those who hurt us even if they do it all day everyday. Realizing this and doing it are two very different things. I wish I could say that I have mastered forgivness, but I haven't. I'm not perfect and never will be. I really do feel like I am the one losing this time, I know I am not but it sure doesn't feel like it. Forgiving and forgetting is one of the biggest lies that there is out there. You can forgive someone but not forget the pain they caused you. Someone once told me that when you forgive someone you begin to look at them as a human again that simply made a mistake instead of "the person that hurt me" or "the person I am mad at". I hate losing games, and I hate that I feel like I am losing this battle that in reality is not mine to fight.

I hope this post makes you take a step back and think about some of the people that you may need to work on forgiving in your life. Im not saying it is a one step process, or even a one day or year process but a life long process. It's worth it in the end even if we feel like we are the ones that are losing.

Father, please give us the grace to forgive them.

Moments to Cherish

Bleach and Ballons. That is the summary of my afternoon, and yet it was one of the best afternoons of my entire life. You wouldn't think that these two things would necessarily go together, and yet at a children's hospital they go hand in hand.

When I first arrived at Mott this afternoon I was told that we needed to start bleaching the entire playroom because a very contagious illness had started spreading on the floor. It also made me again realize how precious life is. We fly through our days and never think about things like germs affecting our life. We take the health that we have for granted and don't use it to the fullest of our capabilities. I know there are kids on that floor who would love to be able to run around and yet they can't. And here I sit saying I am going to start working out again, but I don't. I come up with every excuse in the book so that I don't have to work out, and yet God has blessed me with abilities that I am wasting. Now granted- I am not in perfect health and I have some restrictions, but I think we all do. But I can use the gifts that God has given me in more ways than I am right now. And that is the first moment of my day that I really took away with me today. Am I just going to sit here and waste the life God has give me? Or am I going to actually use the gifts God has given me?

The second moment I cherished today was the balloons. I spent some time with a little 2.5 year old girl this afternoon. The Child Life team had a Father's Day party this afternoon and had about six leftover ballons. My little friend and I along with another volunteer walked around her floor and handed out the ballons to all the daddies we could find. She kept hopping and bouncing around saying "daddies! daddies! ballons! daddies!" It was precious. Even at 2.5 she was so excited to share her balloons with new friends. It really made me take a step back and realize what is important in life. It's little moments like this that are important. Not winning a million dollars, or getting a new car, but making someone who is hurting smile.

Volunteering at Mott is one of the best decisions that I have ever made. Today I want to encourage you to find something where you can give back and take a step back and forget about everything going on in your life for a while and pay attention to someone else for a little while.

Sometimes I think I'm Missing It

Have you ever gotten to the end of the week and wondered where the week went? Sometimes we are on the go so much that we speed through our days without taking the time to cherish every second that we are alive. I have been contemplating this idea for a while now, and I have realized that I am almost incapable of living "in the moment"I get so wrapped up in my past and future that I honestly forget about the present.

You might have noticed people using the phrase "YOLO" a lot recently. It means "You Only Live Once". Some Christians disagree with this saying because through Jesus we get to live for all eternity, so in reality we live life after death. But in some regards, this phrase is something we really should pay attention to- We only get one shot of life on earth. After that depends on if we have chosen to let Jesus be our Savior. We have one shot to show Christ to people each moment of our day, one shot to cherish the time God has given us here to bring more people to him. And how many of us just fly through our days just wanting to make it to the weekend, or retirement, or vacation or whatever? What if we are so wrapped up in the past or present that we miss what God wants us to pay attention to today?

I have come to the conclusion that I don't just want to "get through" each day, but I want to cherish and appreciate each moment that God has given me and stop trying to speed on to the next one or look back at something I regret or miss. My goal for the summer is to blog once a day and capture a picture or post a song that goes with a blessing or simple "moment" from my day. I'm not going to race through my days anymore. God created me for something beautiful, and I am going to enjoy the ride.

So what are you going to do? Are you going to keep flying through your days just wishing you could skip to the next big thing? Or are you going to take some time and slow down and enjoy the life God has given you? This is your life- please don't miss it!

For I Know the Plans I Have For You....

This is me and one of my best friends Ashley Hart. For those of you who don't know, Ashley was my Spiritual Life Rep in my dorm my freshman year. We have gotten supe close over the past two years and she is like my older sister. 


Tonight, I experienced one of the most terrifying feelings I think one can experience. I got a FB note from Ashley telling me along with many others about an amazing thing she experienced today, almost dying in the process. I went through so many emotions when I realized my friend almost just died, but I simply got to the point where I just couldn't stop thanking God for how wonderful he truly is and how he really does have an amazing plan for every part of our life. Here is her story. 

I, Ashley Hart, am thankful, today, for my life and for the lives of those around me. 
Today..... I experienced a testimony beyond the stretch of my imagination. I sit on my sister's couch in Chicago half dampened by the drying water of Lake Michigan and half by the sweat from the end of the most productive run of my life. Crying is all I want to do because I am so in awe of the literal saving grace of our Creator and Savior but there is no time for that as I have to write this down. 

Friends, I sat at the end of this pier alone and confused, praying for wisdom, purity and clarity in my life. On a beach filled with what felt like half of Chicago at 5pm, I was blessed to have this pier to myself after having a tough few weeks I was hear to take a break from it all. I watched the perfect view in front of me. I held my knees and soaked in selfish thoughts. I have been asking God the past few weeks to reveal who he is to me more and to open my eyes to it, I was soon to learn just how selfless our God really is. 

I got up to walk back across the beach to run more when I saw seven black children walking, making their way up the pier with no parent in sight. I kept walking thinking, good thing I am leaving for it was no longer my own pier. They stopped midway on the pier and started looking over the side of the ledge. The no diving sign painted on the ground not daunting to any of us standing there. I kept walking and stopped, noticing that they were about to atempt to all jump in at the same time. Excited they were, yelling and encouraging each other to count down together. The oldest I found out later was a 15 year old girl and the youngest had to have been a 4 year old boy. I put my my hands on my hips as I waited from afar for one of the boys to count down from ten for them all to jump in. 

10-9-8-3-2-1.......the two oldest girls jump in. I turned and kept walking but then heard screaming. I looked back. Both girls were throwing there hands in the air and screaming as they went above and below the waves of Lake Michigan. Their siblings and cousins were yelling and screaming, all to young to know what to do. Are they messing around? Where is everyone, no one is around. I run over the railing, take of my shoes and phone and jump in after them. Motivated by one of the boys screaming, "jump, girl, jump." Thank God for him. 

One is under water, the other was struggling to stay above, both pulling each other under. I grab the one under water soon realizing I cannot stay above either. I cannot touch, I can barely carry one and the other girl is pulling me down. My panic mode is in gear. I swam to the wall but with nothing to grab on to and no one around to help except the absolutely scared out of there minds children above. I thought, Oh my goodness, I could die with these two beautiful girls right hear on a beach on Lake Michigan. I can't even help one let alone both. I even had to throw them off a second to let myself sink to touch the bottom and push off to get a better breath. I was drowning. Helpless. Hopeless. Scared. I cannot remember if I said this out loud or in my head but I screamed Jesus I need you, no one is here. I am going to die, and these two girls will die with me. I cannot do this alone. I am not strong enough. Jesus, I need you. Help me. I need you. 

The wave passed and I could touch. Between the waves I was able to hold us up from touching the ground. Me and Jesus, together, were able to grab the second girls hand and hold the first girl and walk us into shallow water. Telling them to look at me I said, girls, by the grace of God we are alive. 

A testimony of his literal saving grace. Jesus saved my life today. Jesus also saved these two girls lives, whom I wish I remembered there names. He died on the cross to save us and I don't think I would have been able to die for those two girls as I grasped for my own air. But he died saving the whole world, the generations of the past 2000 years and until he returns. My understanding of his sacrifice increased quite a bit today, I would say alot. 

He taught me something today amidst all of it. An testominy to me and you. The creator of the universe not only died to save the whole world when I could not even save these two girls but he also took the time to save us three as I called out for him in a prayer of absolute desparation. He is with us always. He saves. He loves. 

He loved those two girls so incredibly much. He was so aware that they had no idea how to swim that he ordained me to stop at that one pier, on this one day, at that one time, in this one city. He loves them and he loves me. He saved the three of us because I was surely not going to be the one to do it. 

We walked out of the water to a lifeguard.....with nothing but fright and a few cuts on my knee. We are saved and unscaved. Amazing. A miracle in my mind as I honestly have never been so sure I was not going to live another day. 

All I know is, God is in the business of answering prayers and he sent his son to save us from our sins every single day of our lives. Today, he answered my prayer and saved us from the mirky floor of Lake Michigan. Praise you Jesus. 

After taking these precious children of God to their older cousin I walked a little, cried a little, then ran as fast as I could with my shoes and no socks back here to write this to all of you. 

I hope you see the story in all of this. It is not that I, Ashley Hart, jumped into Lake Michigan and valiantly saved these girls. It is that I, Ashley Hart, was ordained to jump in that water and through Jesus Christ was able to save those girls. I was not strong enough. But Jesus is. He is most definitely strong enough. 

If you don't know Jesus today or if he has not been a part of your life for some time, just ask him into your heart. He loves you so much. Ask him to come into your heart and tell him that you accept him as your Lord and Savior, forgiving you of all of your sins. That you want his saving grace and you want him to change your life. I can promise you he will answer your prayer. Write me back and I would love to tell you more about the Savior that saved me and those two girls lives and that changed my life three years ago. 

If you do know Jesus, then let this extend your faith. The literalness of this experience today in how it exemplifies th message of the Gospel leaves me in awe. I hope it touches your heart as much as it does mine.

He desires for to this for each and everyone of you every single day of your life. He desires you. He loves you. 

I am grateful to be alive today and even more grateful I get to share this all with you. Pass this on, tell others about the amazing love of our God. I sent this to you all but I know there are tons more people that would benefit from this testominy within my own life and within yours. 

Thank you Jesus for our lives today and every day. I pray, Lord, that this touches more lives than I know, that this testimony is one that changes the lives of people that know you and people that are yet to know you. I also pray Lord that the people that read this would find someone to help them them know you better, whether it be through me or through someone else in their life. We love you, Lord. Thank you.

If you take nothing out of this post today- know this; God loves you more than anything and he wants to be your savior. He wants to save you just like he saved Ashley and those two girls today. It doesn't matter what you have done or even what you might do in the future- He wants to save you! To love you, to hold you when you are hurting, to cry with you to laugh with you. He wants to be your Savior. So I ask you, if you haven't already, will you let him save you today?