2013: Incredibly More

2013. 

Here we are. New Year's Eve, the last day of 2013. I have spent a lot of time thinking over this past year over the last few weeks. If I had to summarize this year in one word it would probably be Wow! Many times I have compared my life to a rollercoaster, full of ups and downs. But truly this year has had more ups and downs than I have ever experienced in any other year.

I want to share a few of the amazing highlights from this year:

This probably looks like a simple notebook to most people. But to those who know me well, this is no simple notebook. I started this book at Passion last year on January 1st. I have written in this notebook at almost every church service and some chapel services that I have gone to over the course of the entire year. It shows the struggle, the power, the love and the immense changes that I encountered and struggled with other this year. As I wrote on the last page today, I cried as I saw the incredible power of God inscribed on every single page. God absolutely changed my life this year, and this book only shows a slight sliver of his incredible love, mercy, and power.
Here a few excerpts from my journal:

Both of these were from Passion 2013

This has been by far the absolute greatest blessing of 2013. I can legitimatly say that at this time last year I felt spiritually dead. My connection with God seemed so distant and strained that I was beginning to wonder if it was really worth all the work I was putting into it. But then I realized: My salvation is not based on any of my works. It's not based on how often I sing or read my Bible. It's not even based on how I feel. It's based on my faith and my relationship with God. It is based on him loving me SO much that he died for me. And realizing that broke so many chains in my life and gave me the freedom to be who he created me to be. If nothing else, 2013 will be a year because of this. 2013 is when my faith became my everything.

I also turned 21 this year! It has been an interesting feeling being a full fledged "adult". One thing I realized this year though is that no matter how old I get I will always be a child at heart. My love for coloring books and disney movies is not going away any time soon and I am totally okay with that!! :)

My peanut Levi also turned one this year! It has been so fun to see his personality start to come out and see him grow up. He is adorable and I love him more than words can say! :)

I got this bracelet in March. February-April were some of the hardest months I have ever had to face in my entire life. Every single moment, every breath I took was a struggle. The moment I got this bracelet was when I started to slowly come out of this "funk" and it is a constant reminder to me that while on my own I am not strong enough, it is through Him who I get my strength and He will always be strong enough!

This year, I completed my last semester of being on Spiritual Life. I had the privelege of being the SLR of Silas this past semester, and I am so thankful that God put me in this position when he did. I learned so much from my co-leaders and my residents and made memories I will never forget. My time on Spiritual Life over the past 3 years absolutely changed my life. It has challenged my faith in ways I cannot even describe and made me learn to defend my faith in new and incredible ways. This is one of the things I will miss the most about 2014 and onwards!!

Lonnie passed away on June 1st, 2013. While I did not know him very well, his life challenged my faith and lifestyle in ways I cannot even explain. I had the opportunity to love on and play with his grandkids and simply love his family. My aunt Denise also passed away later in the fall. This was another hard time for my family and helped us to grow in our faith and dependence on Christ.

I got to sing the National Anthem at the Detroit Tiger's Game! Yeah. It was pretty legit!!

I got my spring internship placement at Beaumont Children's Hospital in Royal Oak! I will be working in the Emergency Department and I am super excited!

I also completed my last Tool Time this fall. It was heartbreaking, but I wouldn't change it for the world. Tool Time has changed my life in soooooo many ways and I am so thankful that I could be a part of such an amazing group of people! 

I sang in my last choir performance as a student in December. I will sing with the choir one last time at my Baccalaureate service in May, but I will be in cap and gown instead of a choir robe!! :) 

I got to go to Frankenmuth and Bronners with my best friend for the second time in my life! It was tons of fun and I loved celebrating Christmas with her! 

Finally, the last biggest blessing of 2013 has been this girl right here. She has walked with me, cried with me, yelled with me, eaten with me and laughed with me through every moment of 2013. I never thought that I could get to know someone so quickly and grow to love someone so so much. No matter what situation we have faced she always points us right back to Christ. I couldn't ask for a better sister in Christ or a better best friend!


So thats it. Thats a small peice of what I experienced for 2013 and that barely scratches the surface!!! So my random thought of the day for you and and the end of the year is this: Pay attention to the small moments. Even the tears, and screaming. Because when you look back you will realize that these small moments are the ones that meant the most. I am praying for you all as you complete this year and look forward to starting 2014.

He is my Everything

I am sitting here in my bedroom just a few short days after finishing my last undergrad classes. As I have had this free time over the past few days, I have began to think over my time at Concordia and especially looked back over the last year of my life and been incredibly amazed by how much I have changed in the course of one year.

Many people say that you will change the most during your Freshman year. College is new, and exciting and fresh. But I beg to differ, or at least say that I did not follow this idea. I would say that the most change in my life occurred during my Junior to Senior years of college.

As I look back over this year, I have encountered an incredible amount of challenges and blessings both with friends and personally: New life, death, disease, suicide, depression, finances falling through, relationship struggles, huge faith struggles, friends graduating, internships, practicums, and being taken far out of my comfort zone are just a few. And yet somehow? We overcame them all. How? There is only one answer: Jesus.

A year ago? My faith simply part of me. Yes, I was a Christian. I knew the Bible school answers and could walk the walk and talk the talk. I was a "look good" Christian. I could quote a million Bible verses about persevering through trial and simply "Trusting God". But really? Truly? There were some days that I didn't believe one word of what I said to other people. I would tell myself "Oh yeah, that is true for them but not for you." My faith was part of my life, but it was not my identity. I so desperately wanted my faith, for God to be everything to me. But He wasn't. And it literally took me walking through the valley of the shadow of death for me to get what it means for Him to be everything.

Now? Today? My faith is everything to me. My Bible, My Jesus-my Savior and Friend are how I I function and survive every day. His saving grace has never been more real to me and his love never been so alive and real. My identity is found soley in Christ Alone and I would not want to have it absolutely any other way. As I look back over this year, and I see how he legitimatly walked with me and talked with me and comforted me through these deep valleys, my heart cannot help but fall in love with him. He listened to me during nights when I would scream and cry to him about how I did not understand his plan or his word. He would gently hold me as I questioned if he was real or if he was really with me. He kept whispering my name as I screamed his name trying to find him. And he showed me finally how to be still, and listen for his voice and realize he never stopped calling my name.

So I sit here. After a year that has been beyond crazy and I cannot help but be beyond thankful. I would not change one challange that I faced because it led me to the greatest, loving, most selfless relationship I have ever encountered in my life. And that is incredible to me.

So this is my random thought of the day for you: Don't give up. Keep fighting. When he is all you want, you will find him. He will reveal himself to you in ways you cannot imagine or expect. Keep screaming, keep crying, keep hoping. He hasn't left you and he never will. And when the storm calms down, and you fall into this place of realizing that you have had everything you have ever needed the entire time, it will all be worth it in the end!