Saturday, May 28, 2011

Hold Me

This is one of my favorite songs by Jonny Diaz. I am in a spot like this right now... I have made a decision, and I am going to stay on the path that he has led me to no matter how strongly the storms  rage around me. I know I will make it through, but some days it is just hard. It's hard to not keep sitting here and try to convince myself that it is going to be an easy journey. I think sometimes as Christians we forget that. God never promised that it was going to be an easy journey, in fact he promised challenges along the way. I hate not knowing what is coming ahead. I hate not knowing each detail before it takes place- I hate surprises and last minute ideas. But this is how God works, and it is something that I am trying to get used too. A wise friend once told me that God told us he would be a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. Not a giant headlight showing everything that is ahead of us for miles to come. He lights our path as we go, not the whole path at once. If he did that, we would never stumble, never fall, never need him, and that isn't how God works. I feel like this part of the song sums it up:

I cannot see the ending,
I cannot pretend the seas,
are calm ahead...
And the only thing that, 

I can ever cling to is what you've said.


I know that God is using all of this to make me into a stronger person, and I'm thankful for the struggles that I do have. I wish that would make it easier, but it does help give it a new perspective. Just remember, whatever you are going through, God is going to light your path and hold you through it until the end, no matter how scared we are of the future. 

Friday, May 27, 2011

Pain

I had my wisdom teeth out on Tuesday, and it hurt. A lot. But then the pain started getting worse when it was supposed to get better. We came to the conclusion that I must have a dry-socket. Turns out we were right.

For the past few days I tried everything to get rid of the pain- ice, heat, Vicodin, rest, etc. Nothing would make it better. And the pain was unbearable. I could barely sleep or even function. Once we realized I probably had a dry socket, we made an appt. for me to go back to the Oral Surgeon. He was the only one who was going to be able to fix and stop my pain.

I went to the surgeon today, and he had to do some work in my mouth before he could put in the medicine. It was the WORST pain I have ever been in in my entire life. I have a relatively high pain tolerance, and I was almost in tears it hurt so bad. But then, he "fixed" it and gave me the first dose of medicine. Amazingly, I started feeling better within 10 minutes.

I compared this to pain in our own lives. We can try lots of different things to try and heal the pain, but there is only one person who can fix it at the root, and that is Jesus. Jesus may have to even do things that will hurt us to help us in the long run, just like the doc had to put me in a lot of pain in order to make it start getting better. But it will get better if we let Jesus heal it instead of ourselves.

In this life we are going to have things come up that hurt us, but if we let the doctor (Jesus) take care of it instead of trying to cover it up with things from the world, the pain will start to get better even if it doesn't happen right away.

Monday, May 23, 2011

H.A.P.

Http://www.lfpress.com/sports/2011/05/21/18177261.html

Have A Purpose. 

Thats the motto of a special kid named Ian Jenkins. Ian was in an accident on Thursday, and passed away at 7:45 this morning. Ian was one of the best teen hockey players in the nation. He was supposed to play hockey in London this past weekend, and he was destined for the NHL. Ian went to WCA for a long time, almost as long as I can remember, a few years ago he switched over to Milan schools.

I never knew Ian all that well. He was in my sisters class until he moved up a grade. I only knew that he was a really nice kid who was an amazing hockey player and had two adorable younger siblings. I used to work in his sister Cassidy's room as a teachers aide. She was always telling me about how awesome her big brothers are :)

But then Thursday took place. And it was like the rain just started pouring and the storm wouldn't stop raging. And it went on and on and on. I may not have been super close to him, but WCA is a family. And when one of us is hurting we are all hurting. We all had hope that Ian would wake up, and everything would be okay again. But he didn't. It's hard to accept that God took such an inspiring person back to heaven, but God always has a purpose in everything that he does. Just like Ian. Many would say that Ian's purpose was to play hockey, but it was so much more than that. Just from reading the hundreds and hundreds of posts on his Facebook wall, Ian's purpose was so much more than that. He was a great friend, amazing teammate, brother, and son. But he also was a follower of Christ, and he made that very evident. His purpose was to be a light for Christ.

Ian may not be here with us anymore, but his purpose is still going strong. Ian donated his organs to other kids in need- He is helping others even though he cannot be here in person to do it. His love has inspired others to keep moving forward. His accident has brought people back to Christ. He may not be here physically, but we will never forget him and the impact he has had on probably thousands of people in his very short life time.

Ian had a purpose. He lived for his purpose each and every day. How many of us go through our days thinking "I will do it tomorrow." or "I will call her tomorrow." or " It's not that big of a deal, he knows that I love him." We aren't promised tomorrow. We aren't promised the next minute or next breath. God doesn't promise any of this to us. We need to live in the moment, and treasure our lives.

Rest in Peace Ian. You have inspired me and reminded me what it means to live for a purpose and to treasure each and every day. We will never forget you.

Friday, May 20, 2011

I Thank God For This Day

I was thinking of this song today, and this version made me smile :) Lyrics are below

I thank God for this day,
For the sun in the sky,
For my mom and my dad,
For my piece of apple pie!

For our home on the ground,
For His love that's all around,
That's why I say thanks every day!

Because a thankful heart is a happy heart!
I'm glad for what I have,
Thats an easy way to start!

For the love that He shares,
'Cause He listens to my prayers,
That's why I say thanks every day!



My friend posted yesterday about being thankful even through hard times. Sometimes, that is so hard for us to do. A lot of the time it feels impossible. If we can be thankful for even one thing during a hardship, it will make our lives seem easier and we will be happier. We are alive and breathing- shouldn't that be enough in itself? I was thinking about all the people in the south who lost their homes to tornadoes recently. These people would do anything to have their homes back, their lives back. And yet, we sit here complaining that our houses aren't big enough, clean enough, or pretty enough. Our priorities seem a little messed up to me. Life may not be perfect right now, for me or for you, but we at least need to be grateful for who and what we have in our lives. You never know if you are going to wake up one day and it will all be taken away.  

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

7x70


"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven." 
Matthew 18:21- 22


I just found this song by Chris August a few weeks ago, and I absolutely love it. When I was younger, I used to read this verse and think "Yes! after I forgive them 490 times I don't have to forgive them anymore!" But thats not what Jesus meant. Jesus forgives everyone, millions of times throughout their lifetime. He keeps record of no wrongs. We sin so much, yet he still wants us in heaven with him, so he continues to forgive us. 
Every once in a while, I will start to think "They hurt me too much. I cannot forgive them. It is just impossible." But I have recently started looking at it as- How many people have hurt Jesus? And yet, he forgives them over and over and over again. 
This isn't saying forgiveness is easy- it is a very hard thing to do. It is a painful, and sometimes a long process, but that doesn't mean it isn't necessary. It may hurt us as we go through the process, but in the long run, forgiveness is freeing and can help you to move forward. 

This is part of the lyrics from the song above that I really like:

God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing left to do
And that’s forgive you
I forgive you

Forgiveness isn't always an easy thing to do, but if we are willing to work on forgiving someone, God will help us through the pain, heal our broken hearts and help us to forgive the person/ people that we need too. 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Letting Go

Have you ever realized how hard it is to let go? It is a terrifying, yet liberating experience. We hold on to so many things throughout our lifetime- our mothers when we are young or our parents hold on to the bike seat as we learn to ride a two wheeler. We also emotionally hold on to people and things. A loved one is taking their final breaths, and we are desperately holding on, wishing they could stay here, but we know that they will be happier in heaven. We have to let them go. Just like parents have to let go of the bike seat, praying their baby doesn't fall.  Letting go to even something simple can be one of the scariest things you do in your life.

We have to let go of many things- elementary school, high school, college, churches, friends, family, and more. It never gets easier to let something go in the beginning, but over time it gets easier. It may be painful, and scary, but we have to trust that God will carry us through.

I am struggling with letting go of some things in my life. I know full well that God will take care of them, and it is better for me in the long run. It is just so hard to give up control, and literally take a leap of faith. It legitimately feels like you are about to go skydiving out of an airplane, and you are praying the parachute opens. God is the ultimate parachute- he is always going to open, and always take care of us even after we land safely on the ground. We just need to take a chance and jump.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Rain

Today is a rainy, cold, freezing day. It is one of those days you just want to curl up with a blanket and watch the rain come down. You don't want to go outside- It's not a fun rain, its a yucky rain.

This morning, I realized something as I was leaving for church and the rain was pouring down. We will do almost anything to avoid the rain- drive right up to doors so we don't have to walk in it, use umbrellas, rain coats, or rain boots, or even run to dodge the rain drops. But no matter what we do, we can't fully avoid the rain. We are going to get wet during a rainy day. It is almost impossible not too.

I compared this to "rain" in our own lives. We can run away, we can try to take cover, we can even use an umbrella. We can even try to dodge the raindrops. But no matter what, we are at least going to get a little wet. We can't avoid the hard times in our lives no matter how much we want too. It's close to impossible.

But the rain does bring good things; things like rainbows, and new flowers. Some days it seems like the rain is never going to stop, and the clouds are never going to go away, and it really stinks. But God will use the "rain" in your life, even if at some points it just seems like a pointless downpour. It may seem miserable when you are soaking wet, but once you are dry and the clouds are gone, you are going to thank God for the storms he put in your life- Even if that seems impossible right now.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Stop Stressing- Start Trusting

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6 


What can I say about this verse? Well to start, I can say it is special to me because it is my Senior Chapel verse. But that is not the reason it is the topic of my blog post today. This verse has been popping up in my life at least once a week for the past few months. Then today, I woke up when my friend Ashley texted me this verse. After that, I did my devos. Guess what one of the theme verses of the day was? You got it. Philippians 4:6. So, it was then I started to realize that I think God is trying to get a message across to me. 


I have to make a decision about something before tomorrow afternoon, and it is something that I have been stressing quite a bit over. And yet, all I really need to do is give it over to God, and He will show me the way that I am supposed to go. It frustrates me that sometimes this is so difficult to do- My God created the universe, he knows the number of hairs on billions of peoples heads, and yet I can barely trust him to solve a simple problem in my life. I know that it will all work out in the end, I just need to quit stressing and start trusting. Maybe this verse can help you today as well- Stop stressing, and start trusting God. He's got you in his hands. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Waiting

One of my good friends posted a song on FB today and it has become one of my favorites. It is called Waiting Room by Jonny Diaz. It perfectly describes the spot in my life where I am at right now.



There is a certain situation that I have had to put into God's hands over and over again. I kept saying "I know God is going to reopen the door eventually if I let Him handle it." Well, I eventually realized that God won't reopen doors if you refuse to shut them in the first place. So, recently I shut the door on this situation and I am letting God take over from here. It is hard for me to sit here and be okay with God telling me "no". Or at least, "Not right now." I want this door reopened, and I want it opened now.

We live in a society that is so used to getting what we want when we want it. We don't have to wait for almost anything, and yet sometimes that is how God works- He makes us wait until the timing is right. But in reality- that door in my life may never open again. And I have to learn how to be okay with that. We have to remember that God has such a better plan for us, better than we can even imagine. God has a reason for each and every think that we go through- we just can't see the purpose because of our perspective. We have to trust Him in all things.

So here I wait. Waiting for the door possibly to reopen, or for God to open a new door. I tend to be an impatient person, so this has already been an interesting journey. I don't like waiting, but the hope of God bringing me to something that will help me is worth the wait. No one said it will be easy, but it is worth it, no matter the cost.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Sweet Summertime

Looking back, I still cannot believe a year has gone by since last summer. I cannot believe how far I have come in so many various areas of my life. It is astounding to me. I absolutely loved last summer. I went through some rough stuff, but it was a fantastic summer. I learned a lot, and had a lot of fun with my friends. I am looking forward to the same thing this summer. I can't wait for all my friends to get home so we can catch up and spend time together. I already have spent most of the day outside today, and I just love it. I love my morning bike rides, and just relaxing laying out in the sun listening to my music. Summer is such a great gift from God. It gives us a chance to relax in the warmth and just enjoy the gifts He has given us. One day I will be an adult, and won't have nearly as much time to enjoy it, so I am taking advantage of this time I have now. Have a blessed summer everyone!! <3

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Looking back, I am always going to smile :)

It's official- I am no longer a freshman. I am currently sitting at home in my loft bed. It is really strange to think that I'm done until the fall, and I won't be seeing most of my Concordia friends until then. I have learned sooooooooo much this year, it is incredible. And it truly did go by way too fast. For years people have told me that high school will go by fast, and college will fly bye, but I never believed them. Now I do. I am sad to be leaving behind this part of my past, but I am excited for the future. I wanted to share some highlights of the things that I learned this year;

1. God really does take every situation in our lives and use it for something good. Even if it seems nothing good can come out of a situation, God will use it somehow.
2. Trust God's timing and His plan. God knew what he was doing when he put me in Esther Dorm this year. He gave me the environment and people that I would need right when I needed them and for that I am forever thankful.
3. Read your Bible even when you don't want too. Every time I was upset this year, my friend Ashley would tell me to read Psalms. I never wanted to, but it always helps.
4. Never underestimate prayer. It is a powerful thing. Some of my most treasured memories are of times praying with my friends.
5. Don't go into college thinking that you can't have as good of friends in college that you did in high school. I found a few amazing people at Concordia, and while our relationships are different than those with my high school friends, I love my Concordia friends just as much as my high school friends and that was something I never thought could be possible.
6. Don't be afraid to love people even though it hurts. People will leave, and sometimes the pain is unbearable, but it is worth it in the end.
7. You can fit an unbelievable amount of stuff in a dorm room even though there isn't a ton of space.
8. Enjoy the time you have. You are only in college once. So take a break from studying and go play in the rain or go on a midnight slurpee run. Grades on a test will be forgotten, but memories and relationships you build last forever.
9. Don't underestimate music and song lyrics. Some days, that is the only reason I survived.
10. Hold on to every single moment. Give someone a hug and hold them a little longer. Laugh till you cry and cry until you laugh. Dance in the rain, act like your five. Treasure each and every breath that God has given you. There may be a lot of things that are wrong in this life, but it is still the life that God has given us, and we need to treasure it.

I learned so much my freshman year about God, friends, family, school and so much more. College is a great place to be- through the hard times and the good times. Thank you to everyone who helped get me to where I am today, and I look forward to the future.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

These are some good times, So take a good look around. You may not know it now, But you're gonna miss this.

I'm going to miss this.

Looking back, there has been a lot of hard things that I have gone on this year. To say the least, it has been an "interesting" Freshman year. For a while there was part of me that could not wait to get this year done and behind me. But looking back now, I have seen that this has probably been one of the best years of my life, and I am going to miss this. I am going to miss being a naive freshman where everything in college is new and there is something different on every new page.

I am going to miss the life I have made here at Concordia. I am going to miss my friends, and my daily routine. I am going to especially miss my dorm. Johnny is going to be fun, but I truly love my Esther girls. I am especially going to miss my RA and SLR. College is going to go by way too fast. Unfortunately I am already well aware of this. I am excited for what the future brings, but I am going to miss this.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

It's the week of "Lasts"

Everyone has had moments like this... You realize it is your last friday of high school or your last day to live in a certain place before you move. It is kind of a sad, but exciting feeling. I have been having a lot of "lasts" moments today, and it will be a whole week filled with lasts. Today is my last Sunday on campus as a freshman. It is extremely weird for me to think about, and sad at the same time. Don't get me wrong, I am excited for next fall- just sad that this part of my life is coming to an end.

Tomorrow will be my last Monday, then Tuesday, etc. all throughout the week. Until Friday, when it will be my last night in Esther dorm, and Saturday when I leave. I'm trying not to focus on leaving, and think about more positive things like Tuesday is my last Psychology class!

While I am sad about my freshman year coming to an end, I have to keep in mind that God has got soooo much awesome stuff planned for me the next 3 years at Concordia. A lot of not so great stuff has happened this year, and a lot of awesome stuff has happened as well. But God is going to take all of it and give me something even better in the next few years that will help me to move even farther forward. I might not like it right now, but I know that I will look back and be in such awe with what God has done in my life. It's cool to think about.