Missing You

What does it mean to miss someone? To me, it means that they are not with you at that certain moment, and you wish that they were. I am missing a lot of people right now. I miss some of the people I have met at Concordia, as well as some of my close friends. It is odd- because I already miss one of my friends and she doesn't leave to go back to Grand Rapids until tomorrow. It's almost like I am preparing myself for what is to come. I really have no idea when I am going to see her again, and in a way that scares me a little.

I wonder sometimes, can we miss God? That thought just popped into my head. When we long to read the Bible or pray, maybe it is because we are missing God? It may not feel like it does when you miss another human, but I think that sometimes we do start missing God if we don't talk to Him for a while.

Sometimes I wish things didn't have to change. Sometimes I wish bad things didn't happen. Sometimes I wish that my friends didn't go to school so far away. I wish all these things, but what astounds me is that God still has a better plan that what I can even imagine. He is using these aspects of my life that I don't want to change so that I can help others. I may not like it or understand it at times, but he still has a better plan.

Maybe when we are missing God, God also is missing us. Kind of an interesting thought.

Christmas 2010

So, Christmas Eve will be over in a little more than 30 min. As far as Christmas Eves go, this one has been pretty good. I LOVED seeing my family!! It was so good to catch up with my Aunts and Uncles and cousins. I have missed them sooooo much. I wish we got together more than once a year. I got some pretty cool presents, and had a lot of fun. Sometimes I wonder why people get so excited over the gifts. The gifts are great (Not gonna lie, I LOVE my Celtic Thunder CD) but in reality, the people are so much better. I wouldn't have cared if I didn't get any presents today. It was just so great to catch up with everyone. It's days like today that remind me that it is people that matter- not stuff. Christmas morning is coming soon, there will be more presents to open, and a day to spend with my family.

I am really thankful for the people that God has given me, and the presents he has blessed me with. Merry Christmas everyone!

New Start

I cannot wait for my next semester of college to begin. After spending some time with God over break, I have realized that I have some major life changes that need to take place.  I have realized that each day, I am simply trying to survive. I go around just trying to get by, never really doing my best. I never give it my all relationship/people wise or schoolwork wise. A teacher of mine once said to me, "Marissa, if you would actually try, you could so easily be a 4.0 student, but for some reason you keep choosing not to try!I always blame it on my seemingly inability to focus, but I feel like there is more reasoning behind not trying. Why don't I try? I really don't know.

What would happen if I tried to thrive instead of just survive? What if I  tried to work harder academically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally? What would happen? Would I be happier? Would people notice a change? I really don't know. But the real question is, is it worth the hard work to get there? I think it is.

When people meet me and get to know me, I want them to know that I am different. I am tired of talking the talk, and only half walking the walk. I don't care anymore if people think I am weird or sheltered because I don't find their sexual innuendoes funny. I don't want to be someone who goes and talks about people behind their back. I want to stop doing what is wrong, and go towards what is right.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ⁸ Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 1 Timothy 4:7-8


My friends mom passed away a few months ago. I always think of her when I see this verse.  Her life has challenged me to strive each and every day to become a better person, and truly get to know the Lord. I want to not only know Him, but I want others to know Him like I do. To want to do nothing more than read your Bible and devotionals all day. Or sit in your room and listen to praise music. I want to run the race, and I want to Finish Well. 

Gossip

So, What exactly is gossip? Where is the line between gossiping and venting about a situation? A friend just posted on her blog about she has realized how much she has been gossiping since she went to college. I thought about it, and realized that I have done the same thing. Since when is it okay for us to talk to everyone we want about problems we are having with other people? Since when is it okay to complain about someone and trash talk them? It's not okay. I was in a situation about a week ago with a friend of mine. I flipped out because she was talking about me behind my back. I later realized that I was doing the same thing - talking about her behind her back to our other friends because she had made me angry. It was okay for me to say whatever I wanted, but I didn't want her saying anything about me. When did this become okay? It isn't okay, and I need to stop it right now. I really like how God gets ahold of us at just the right time. This new semester coming up is going to be different. I am done with dealing with people how I used too. It's time to start showing God's love to people, no matter how much they may hurt us or bother us.

Restless

I found this song.... It's called Restless by Audrey Assad. It's really good. It's words are so true.

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You


We can only find true rest when we decide to rest in God.  Why do we waste our time trying to find comfort and rest in anything but God? It is so pointless, and a waste of our time. We won't truly find rest until we go to Him. It is so hard though, don't you think it would be easy? Easy to rest in someones arms as they hold us and take care of everything that is wrong. Why is that so hard for us? It has been said that people are lazy, and always trying to get someone else to do things for them. If this is so true, why do we fight God so much when he wants to take control? I don't understand it. I definitely do it myself, and I get so angry when I do. Why can't we just give up and rest in God's hands?

A Little While Later

Well, I can honestly say that I have been on FB more lately than I would like to admit. Still not as much as I used to be, but more than I would like to be. My life is interesting right now; that is the only words I can use to describe it. Not necessarily bad, but not great either. I still turn to Facebook when I get bored, and I hate it. I still find it utterly boring, yet I still go to it. I might be limiting my time on that site to once a day. It's ridiculous to spend the amount of time that I do on a dumb website. If I want to use it for communication, than once a day is all I need to check it. The end.

Facebook Addict Day 8

So, today was the first day that I didn't tell myself that I wasn't allowed to go on Facebook. So, I think I checked it around 3 or 4 times and spent a total of 30 min. on the site. In all honesty, I find it quite boring now. I only found it useful today for communicating with a few of my friends quickly. Other than that, I found it boring and a waste of time. I don't think I have to worry about spending mindless hours on that website anymore.

Facebook Addict Day 7

Well, it has officially been 168 hours since I was on Facebook last. It's strange- I don't miss it almost at all anymore. I think I am going to go on the website for the first time in a week.... I'm not really excited though, I don't really feel like I have been missing anything. The only reason why I am going to get on is because there is at least one message that I know that I need to read. Other than that, I feel like why bother? It's not like anything in my life this week went drastically wrong because I haven't been on the website. I think I have decided that I am going to check Facebook max 1-2 times a day. Anymore than that is just ridiculous. If people need to get in touch with me, pick up a phone or send me an email. And, I finished my English project that is worth like 500 points. I feel extremely accomplished! :D I will still keep this up the next few days and see how it is going.

Facebook Addict Day 6

So, I barely had time to even think about Facebook today....My day was filled with hwk and Boars Head. I am not even sure if I am going to get on Facebook tomorrow.... I still have a TON of hwk to get done for next week. We will see. I am borrowing a new devotional from my friend Stephanie. I like it so far, hopefully this will help me to start spending a little more time with God each day. More tomorrow.

Facebook Addict Day 5

Sooooooo it has been an interesting day.  I don't miss Facebook nearly at all anymore. In a way I am dreading going back to the temptation. I don't miss anything except for my connections with people that is it. Tonight was our first performance of Boars Head. I would say that it went well. My friend Jacob surprised me and came, which made me really happy. I love seeing my high school friends. It always makes my day a little brighter. I just got back from a late night run to Starbucks with my friend LeRae. I am drinking a frappechino at 10:50 at night. This is not good. There is nooooo way I am going to sleep at all tonight. Oh well. At least the frappechino tastes good :) Another update tomorrow :)

Facebook Addict Day 4

Oh.My.Goodness. Let me just first say that Celtic Thunder was one of the greatest things I have EVER experienced in my entire life!!!!!!!!!! AAAHHHH! SO STINKEN AMAZING! In other words, I had a great time and really enjoyed myself, and it was a break from my usual life that I really truly needed.

I haven't really missed Facebook all that much today.... I thought about logging on a couple of times, but that was about it. I am starting to not miss it as much I guess. I guess I will have to go back to it eventually, but I don't really want to at this point. I hate not being able to connect with my friends and family easily, but other than that, what is there to miss? Pointless games like Bejeweled Blitz that waste my time? I am in the process of trying to find some balance in my life..... currently it is like a horribly unbalanced teeter totter that tends to start spinning in circles every once in a while. :P

Facebook Addict Day 3

So, it has been three days. I am liking this more and more the longer I go. I am truly realizing how much time I waste on that dumb site. I did 5 hours of homework today. Count them. FIVE. I have never been able to focus that long on hwk in my entire life! I am relearning how to be productive, and I LOVE it! I'm still not sure that I am going to get a good grade on either of the assignments that I worked on, but I know that I did my best, and that is all that matters. I literally focused for five straight hours, except for about 10 min, when my friend made me take a break because I was starting to go crazy after about 3 or 4 hours. I also realized other things that I am lacking in, such as my spiritual life. I really, really need to start spending a lot more time with God. And, I realized what awesome people he has put in my life. I have gotten to spend some awesome time with my Spiritual Life Rep. in my dorm, and we have decided that we are going to pray together every night while I am super stressed, and even after everything gets better. I am truly blessed. I still miss Facebook, but I still don't know what I miss. I guess its just because sometimes I get bored.... then I realize the insane amount of hwk that I guess I have just been ignoring for the past few weeks. Right now, I am stressed, and really tired, but I feel so much better knowing that I am finally giving it my all. Oh, and by the way, We had our first snow today!!! :D And I am going to see Celtic Thunder tomorrow!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D