I'm not really a Katy Perry fan. I don't like to promote her lifestyle or many of her choices. But this song and Firework are two of my top 10 favorite songs of all time.
I've been doing a LOT of thinking and praying about where God is leading me next. Once I decided I no longer wanted to do Child Life, I felt kind of purposeless. I knew that God was calling me to do something big, but I didn't know what. I had some ideas, but I was too afraid to admit that I had these ideas because I told myself repeatedly that I wasn't capable of accomplishing these ideas. Well guess what? I realized something today. Without God, I am not capable of accomplishing these ideas!
I am about to be more real on this blog than I have been in the past. I won't go into why I struggle with these things but I will be real: Over the past few years I have struggled with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, insomnia, and probably a list of other things. It has been a really, really tough road. I have gone through fire to get to where I am at today. I have worked on healing past hurts that have made me hurt more than any physical pain ever could. And yet, its invisible. Most people don't know you're struggling. Many people would not know that I've struggled with these things without me saying it. And I am still healing. Over the past few months, I've been trying to decide how to move forward next, and really seeking God to see how he is going to use this pain for my good and for the good of others.
Broken families, especially kids (and those who are now adults) who experienced any kind of abuse as kids hold a special place in my heart. Im not just talking simply about kids who were in situations so bad that they were taken out of their homes. Im not just talking about the kids who've been sexually abused by obvious molesters. I am talking about kids who are emotionally abused, verbally abused, physically and sexually abused not only by their parents but by any adult in their lives. I'm talking about kids whose parents neglect them emotionally not because they don't love them, but because they simply don't know how to show their kids love properly because they were not shown love by their parents. Im talking about the kids whose parents don't realize how harmful it can be to yell at them, but don't know any other way to make their kids listen. I'm talking about all of these scenarios. But heres the thing: It's not the adult's fault. Yes, they are technically the one doing the abusing but they don't necessarily know any better. You wanna know whose fault it is? SATAN'S. He would love NOTHING more than for families to keep falling apart and for children to keep growing up into adults who feel that they are worthless and not loveable. But you know what? It's time for the church to stand up and do something about it and stop pretending it isn't happening! I believe that abuse infuriates God. He does not want anyone harming his children, and there will be severe punishment for those who abuse children and do not repent. But even those who are guilty of this can start over fresh and new in the hope and saving forgiveness of Jesus Christ!
This is the first time I am publicising this, but I am going to now because I know that I can accomplish this dream through the help of my Rock and Foundation Jesus Christ. This is what I want to do with my life: I want to get my masters degree in social work and work with a church to provide counseling, healing, and help to broken families, especially those experiencing abuse. I want to work on the front lines providing shelter for those children coming out of abusive homes and make sure that they have Christ centered homes and shelters to stay in until we can help their parents cope with the issues they are facing and make the abuse stop. Sometimes, that can't happen. Sometimes kids do need to be removed from their homes and sever relationships with their parents. And I want to work with them to make sure they get the healing help that they need.
I want to make sure that parents have resources- a place to ask questions and not be judged. I want the church to stand up and say "Let me help you!" instead of glaring and judging parents and simply shaking their heads at them. I want parents to feel like it is safe to admit that they don't know what to do, and they can admit that they may have hurt their children in a place where the goal is not to judge them or take away their kids but to HELP them. I want to give parents parenting tips and classes so that the physical abuse stops. I want to teach parents how to communicate with their kids and how to show them true love. I want to help parents heal from the hurts from their childhoods so it doesn't have to carry on to their kids.
I want to provide foster parents with proper training so that they can recognize when a child is experiencing a flashback or a panic attack. I want to remove foster parents from the system who are abusive themselves and causing kids more trauma. I want to get kids away from molesters and sexual abusers and help those people find Jesus but make sure they never work with kids ever again, and if it is parents that there is an accountability system and healing process to fix the problems this creates in a family setting. I want to show all these horribly hurting people that there is hope and healing in Jesus Christ!
My struggle with this? I have a ways in my own healing journey to go before I can help families like this. I have told myself for SO long "You will always be too affected by your past to help others. You might as well stop trying." and I realized today that that is nothing but a lie from Satan! I made the decision today that I am no longer going to fight healing and the pain I need to face, but work towards true healing and forgiveness so that I can teach others how to find this freedom that I have already started to discover. I'm not going to stay quiet anymore. I'm not going to bite my tongue and agree with everyone because I am scared. No. God has an awesome plan for me, and it's time to put this plan into action. Get ready because I have had enough of this simply "surviving" thing I have been doing for a while now. I ask for your prayers and support, as it's going to be a difficult journey, but I know that I can do it through him who gives me strength! It's time to put back up a fight and you're gonna hear me ROAR!
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