Nothing has filled my heart like spending time with these two this week. Watching them run, jump, scream, laugh and play has brought me SO much joy! I had a moment as I was watching Levi play a few days ago, where I thought "If God feels the same way about us, that I feel about these kids, I finally understand His love." The love I have for these kids is overwhelming, empowering. I would do anything for them, anything to protect them. I would jump in front of a moving train for them if I had to. Sometimes, I have to disappoint them. I have to let them get hurt. I have to punish them so that they can learn. And yet, it just blows my mind the overpowering love and compassion I have for them. They could screw up a million times, and I will never stop loving them. I haven't seen them in 5 months, and yet when I saw them for the first time, I almost cried. It didn't matter. I didn't hate them for not talking to me, all I cared about was that I got to spend the next six days with them. God is the same way. He isn't going to be mad at us for straying away. He isn't going to stop talking to us if we don't make time for Him everyday. He is just going to be patiently waiting for us to come back to Him, just like I was patiently waiting in the airport for Levi. He just loves us, and craves that time with us. Wow. How beautiful is that?!
Second lesson? I've learned to cherish the small things. Like taking a shower. At Shelterwood, everything is scheduled for the girls right down to when they are allowed to use the bathroom. When I first got there, my entire perspective was that they were at Shelterwood for a reason, and there are reasons why we have rules. I have had one of my girls say to me ALL the time- "Marissa, I wish you'd just understand how frustrating it is to have someone telling you ALL the time what you can do and what you can't do. Sometimes I just want to be 16 and take a shower when I want to take a shower!" I'd always reply that I did understand how frustrating that is, and I am sorry that she couldn't do what she wanted when she wanted. But I didn't really understand. Now? I understand. I have had the luxury of taking a shower when I want. Eating what I want whenever I want. Taking a nap whenever I wanted. Playing games. Watching TV. I forgot HOW AMAZING normal life is! Holy crap! And if I am being honest, its gonna be SUPER hard going back to Shelterwood tomorrow and my very very structured life. It's also given me an amazing new sense of compassion for my girls, and realizing how much it sucks to be told what you're doing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
It's been quite the week. I'd be lying if I said I was ready to go back to Shelterwood no questions asked. The vacation has been wonderfully refreshing and relaxing. It's gonna kill me to leave my kiddos, my friends, mentors and family. But at the same time? I miss my Shelterwood munchkins. I've spent some serious time reflecting over this break and praying about my time there, and I am ready to get back to the ministry God has called me to. I am coming back refreshed and rejuvenated, and ready to make some changes to my life there. It's bittwersweet, but exciting. I am ready to see how God is going to work in my last 7 months at the 'wood. So here we go. It's been beautiful Michigan, but this girl's gotta get back to the 'wood!
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