You see, at first I was horribly embarrassed to be home, working a job like maintenance barely able to sleep, eat and function like a normal person sometimes. I was so anxious about going to work my first day... All I could think was "What will my profs think?! What will my mentors think?! What will students I know think?! Everyone is going to be SO disappointed in me!" But in reality? It went TOTALLY fine! I was greeted with excitement, compassion, warm hugs and prayers. I quickly realized? This is okay. This season is okay. I am okay. No, the situation is far from ideal. But after talking with my former profs and mentors it became more and more clear to me that this is EXACTLY where God needs me right now, and I am more loved by my Concordia family than I have ever realized.
As I have worked the past two days, realizing quite quickly that the physical task of cleaning is exactly what my mind and body need right now to keep healing and moving forward, I have had a thought run through my head:
"I wish someone would have told me that I didn't have to have my life completely figured out right after college."
I wish someone would have told me I might not land my "dream job" as soon as I crossed the stage.
I wish someone would have told me that life after college might be a rollercoaster, and not a smooth ride.
I wish someone would have told me that it is completely okay and acceptable to work jobs like maintenance or food service just to make a living even if you have a college degree.
I wish someone would have told me how hard it would be to no longer be living with my best friends and have them available to me 24/7.
I wish someone would have told me that I might still be trying to figure out how to be an adult at 23.
I wish someone would have told me that I would probably still be working through personal stuff at 23.
I wish someone would have told me that it's okay to work at a job because I love it even if it doesn't make me a lot of money.
I wish someone would have told me that it's okay to get overwhelmed, and that they'd be there to walk me through it.
I wish someone would have told me just how hard, but incredibly exciting this whole experience would be.
I caught a glimpse of some of these ideas right after I graduated. In one of my sessions my therapist said to me "Marissa, transitioning out of college was the hardest thing I've ever done and experienced other than childbirth, especially if you have no one to guide you and walk you through it and most people don't." At the time, I thought she was crazy. Boy was I so so wrong!
College is like the honeymoon phase of life. You get this great idea of what you want to do with your life, and you are given a bunch of tools to make that a reality. And in reality? You will!.... Eventually. It's not an overnight process for most. And for some it is, and they land their dream job right off the bat and it all appears great. But in reality? Being an adult is still hard even while it is super super exciting. And I am finally realizing that it is okay to simply just stop and breathe. It's okay for me to take a season to take care of myself. It's okay for me to sit down and think through what steps I want to take next. It's okay for me to be working maintenance indefinitely. Because in reality? My life is just getting started. And I would rather take the time now while I am reasonably young to really take care of myself and set myself up for success in the future. I hope this is an encouragement for those soon to be graduating or who have just graduated. I hope it helps you realize that you dont have to have your life all together when you walk across that stage. I hope for those who are way past graduating this encourages you to encourage someone in my age range. Take them out for coffee. Buy them a tank of gas. Take them out to the movies. Encourage them. Love on them. Chances are they probably need it and will appreciate it!
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