2016: A Year of Self Discovery

I sit here in my living room once again on another New Year's Eve, and part of me cannot believe that yet another year has come to a close. I think back to where I was at at this time in 2015, and it honestly just breaks my heart. I was SO worn out, defeated, and broken. I still cannot remember 90% of October-December of 2015. I was so desperate for this year to be ANYTHING but 2015, that I couldn't even dream, ask or imagine any goals of what that could even look like. And now I sit here, and I see how God pulled me out of that dark pit, and has brought me into more than I could have ever asked or imagined.

This year I worked at a nannying job that I LOVED. I got to go back to Shelterwood and restore relationships and bring closure to a season that brought immense joy and immense pain. I got to go spend a week in Denver, Colorado with my best friend. I got to go to Chicago with my best friends for the first time. I moved to Ohio and got my first car and first apartment and started working at a job that I LOVE.

This year was also filled with pain.... I lost my uncle to a drug overdose. I've watched as many of my friendships have fallen apart due to life changes, and people changing. I've cried as I've worked through things in counseling. I've cried as I've realized that I am a person who deserves love, and deserves to be treated appropriately, and have lost relationships because of that. I've been angry at God as I simply haven't understood what He was doing and how He was working. It's been quite the year honestly, it's been quite the year.

And yet I sit here, and I read my blog post from last year and I realized that for the first time in my life I fulfilled my resolution for this year: I simply wanted to live a life that gave me the freedom to be me in whatever context that ended up being, and I feel like I achieved that in so many more ways than I could have ever imagined.

And now I look to 2017. There is a large part of me that wants to set a bunch of unfufillable goals, but there is a larger part of me that wants 2017 to look a lot like 2016 did, simply learning to be me, and who God created me to be, not who the world tells me to be. I could choose to sit here and be afraid of what this year could bring, I know I was afraid last year, I wont deny that in the slightest. But, in true Hunger Games fashion, here is my resolution for 2017:

That's my only goal of 2017- I want to live a life of Hope instead of fear. I want the Hope and peace of Christ to be so evident in my life, that the fear of Satan has no place, and no control. I want to continue running headfirst into the life God has called me to live. 

So here is my random thought of the day for you.... What can be your goal this year to be more of who God created you to be? It may be getting healthy, or it may be taking time to pray each day. It may mean starting counseling, or getting back into going to church. But here this- Even if you fail miserably and don't accomplish ANYTHING over the next year please don't forget that your purpose doesn't come from a stupid new years resolution. It comes from Christ, and no matter what is thrown at you this year, as long as He is in the drivers seat you can throw fear out the window because God's got it! And, I can guarantee that when you sit down next year you will be blown away by all you've accomplished even if it feels like the past year was a failure. 

So to friends, family, acquaintances, or family members in Christ- Happy New Year. Thank you for walking through this journey of life with me, and I hope God fills your next year with blessings beyond what you can comprehend!