In just a few hours, I will be 26. It's still kind of hard to believe honestly, a lot of times I still feel like a baby, definitely not an adult. I have to be honest- I am looking forward to my chocolate cake tomorrow about as much as I was in these photos!! I mayyy have even gotten myself a chocolate cupcake to eat at midnight ;)
Birthday's used to be so exciting as a kid, I would lie awake the night before, my blood pumping with anticipation- taking cupcakes to class, my birthday party with my friends, and for one day being the center of attention, and loving every minute. Because let's be honest, if you know me at all, you know I HATE being the center of attention on ANY other occasion. If I am being honest though? I am STILL that excited about my birthday. I have no exciting plans, just dinner and cake and ice cream with my family, and probably celebrating with a friend in a few days. But I simply love my birthday.
A lot of people hate getting older.... I am reaching an age where people now don't ask "Oh! How old are you turning?" When they hear your birthday is coming up. And part of me has to wonder, why not? Why the heck do we care how old someone is? Why is it embarrassing that we've survived another year on earth? I hate to get all deep, but I am about to. A few years ago, I was struggle bussing hardcore. I had a lot of stuff going on mentally and emotionally, and I didn't see much value in living anymore. Granted, I never acted on those thoughts but there were times when it got pretty bad. Each day that I woke up alive was a victory during that point in my life. It was too hard to take life year by year, or even month by month. I had to choose to survive literally minute by minute. I remember my therapist Gina telling me at one point "Marissa, the only one who can save yourself from yourself is you. If you don't help yourself no one else will be able to either." That really hit me hard, I decided I had to choose to live, and I did just that.
A lot of people hate getting older.... I am reaching an age where people now don't ask "Oh! How old are you turning?" When they hear your birthday is coming up. And part of me has to wonder, why not? Why the heck do we care how old someone is? Why is it embarrassing that we've survived another year on earth? I hate to get all deep, but I am about to. A few years ago, I was struggle bussing hardcore. I had a lot of stuff going on mentally and emotionally, and I didn't see much value in living anymore. Granted, I never acted on those thoughts but there were times when it got pretty bad. Each day that I woke up alive was a victory during that point in my life. It was too hard to take life year by year, or even month by month. I had to choose to survive literally minute by minute. I remember my therapist Gina telling me at one point "Marissa, the only one who can save yourself from yourself is you. If you don't help yourself no one else will be able to either." That really hit me hard, I decided I had to choose to live, and I did just that.
And so here I sit, a good 5 years later. I won't say my life is perfect by any means, but I am definitely not living in that dark place that I was almost 5 years ago. I was sitting on my couch earlier and thinking "Wow. I am really excited for year 26. I am SO happy I am older!" We complain about getting older and yes, our bodies do start aging and falling apart. But getting older has been such a blessing in disguise for me. I have learned so much, and have begun to experience what life is really all about.
Take year 25 for example- I successfully lived in a new state for over 1 year by myself. I managed my first apartment, car, and everything that came with it. I lost some extremely important relationships, and gained a few new ones. I've lost around 30 lbs, gotten my eating and exercise on track, and am able to manage my mental health 99% of the time. I tried new foods, explored new places. I cried many tears of sadness, but also laughed till I was crying more times than I can count. I truly feel that year 25 I grew up. I became an independent adult. I dared to start dreaming again, and I am honestly just so excited to be alive, and for what the next few years of my life will bring, which is much more than I could say even 2 years ago.
Take year 25 for example- I successfully lived in a new state for over 1 year by myself. I managed my first apartment, car, and everything that came with it. I lost some extremely important relationships, and gained a few new ones. I've lost around 30 lbs, gotten my eating and exercise on track, and am able to manage my mental health 99% of the time. I tried new foods, explored new places. I cried many tears of sadness, but also laughed till I was crying more times than I can count. I truly feel that year 25 I grew up. I became an independent adult. I dared to start dreaming again, and I am honestly just so excited to be alive, and for what the next few years of my life will bring, which is much more than I could say even 2 years ago.
So here is my random thought of the day for you: Are you thankful to be getting older? Are you thankful for another day to live, breathe, eat, praise God and just be? Or are you whining, complaining and embarrassed that you are ______ years old? Can I challenge you to take a step back, and be thankful for all the time on earth you have had? For the people you have met, the lives you have changed? For all the ways God is still going to use you? He's not finished with you yet.
So here's to year 25, thank you for changing me in ways I couldn't have expected or imagined. I can only hope and pray that year 26 is filled with as many challenges, moments of joy, growth, and excitement! I am not one bit ashamed to say I made it through another year on earth. I am almost 26, and I am proud!
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