As I sat in therapy yesterday, my therapist came up with an analogy that I feel like describes my world perfectly right now. I told her about how hard the past few weeks have been for me mentally, and that I was dreading coming to therapy because I didn't want the pain to start all over again when I had just started to recover from last week. She stopped me and said "That's the thing about counseling, it's really like physical therapy. You come to your appointment, you go through a ton of pain while there, but feel slightly better afterwards only to be in more pain for the next few days. Finally, the pain starts to wear off and you have another appointment and have to start the process all over again. But with each appointment you get one step closer to resolving that area of pain." I don't think that I have heard a more accurate analogy to describe therapy in the 9 years that I have been in therapy. When you have a serious physical injury, it may take a lot of physical therapy and surgeries to recover. For some, it is a life long process. The same can be true with mental health. For some people, they may only need one session to get back in order. Others may need 3, 4, or even 20. But for many people, therapy becomes a life long process. A time to grow, reflect, and change on a regular basis. Taking risks to confront our deepest fears, and developing an understanding to why we hold our deepest beliefs.
I spent the first couple years of therapy embarrassed that I was even in therapy. I went to a small, private christian college where most people at least knew your face if they didn't know your name. I also had multiple student leadership positions, and was involved in a variety of extracurricular activities. To say that most people on campus knew who I was was probably an understatement, although I would consider myself by no means popular while in college. That being said, I didn't want most people to know that I was in therapy. If I had to sit outside my therapist's office in the hallway waiting, I was mortified thinking "What if someone sees me out there?! They are going to know why I am here!" I tried to hide my face in shame more often than not, hoping and praying that no one important would come talk to me while I was waiting.
And yet now here I sit, almost 9 years to the day that I started meeting with my therapist. As she made that analogy yesterday I thought to myself "Therapy is going to be a lifelong process for me, and I think that I am finally okay with that." This is a huge shift from the terrified 18 year old girl I described in the paragraph above. She was so afraid that people might find out she needed help, that something was "wrong" with her. When in reality? I've learned something over the years: there isn't anything wrong with me. Yes, I have anxiety and depression. Yes, I often struggle to manage change, and other things that overwhelm me. Yes, there are moments from my past that still make me really angry, and really hurt and I have trouble coping with them. But you know what I have realized? All of these things are part of the human experience. We all have moments from our past that have hurt us. We all have moments that were amazing, incredible, and indescribable and things we never want to forget. And I have finally come to terms with the idea that I actually want help managing it. I want to keep learning, growing, changing, and learning to love myself on new levels each and every day. If you know me well, you probably know that my therapist is my hero. She has helped me overcome more issues than I ever thought possible and every day she is helping me learn how to become my real self. She'll never read this, and that is entirely okay because that isn't the point. You might say "Well, than what is the point?!"
Here is my point, and my random thought of the day for you: It's okay to admit that you might need some help navigating through your life. It's okay to admit that things have hurt you, wounded you, maybe even it feels like things have destroyed you and you'll never recover. It's okay to want to grow, change, and heal. You do not EVER have to be ashamed of that, no matter what the world might tell you. Just as if it would be okay for you to go to weekly physical therapy for the rest of your life to keep your physical body functioning, it is also okay for you to go to weekly mental health therapy to keep your brain in working order. Can I challenge you today? If you have never been to see a therapist would you consider setting up an appointment? I promise that you won't regret it. It will be hard at times, but the growth and freedom that you will find throughout the process will be worth every second of pain that you go through.
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