Sometimes, Thinking About Christmas Makes Me Cry

Yesterday day my friend Emily and I stopped at Paul dorm to pick up a cookie sheet from our friend Ashley. (The RA of Paul is my RA from last year, and Ashley is my old SLR. I love them both to death.) Emily and I got to the door, and while we were waiting for Ashley she said "WOW! I wish I lived in this dorm! Look at all the pretty decorations they have put up!!" and suddenly, I burst into tears. You wouldn't think that something that simple would make someone cry, but it did. I told her about how I missed living in such a great dorm surrounded by people I love. I miss all the pretty decorations, and the excitement of celebrating baby Jesus birth. It made me miss living in Esther terribly. Christmas was beyond wonderful last year- the decorations made our dorm our home, not just a building we lived in. And my RA and SLR made Esther our home. Sometimes, I still really miss my "home" Sometimes, Christmas makes me cry. 

Christmas isn't going to be the same this year. Honestly, I would give anything to spend it with my family. I could care less about the presents, but I guess sometimes this is just how life is and it honestly infuriates me. I don't know what Christmas Eve will be like without my family around, and honestly it makes me cry. I have never spent a Christmas without my dad's family and I wish it didn't have to be this way. And yet there is nothing I can do about it. No matter how much I protest and cry, it isn't going to change anything, and that is hard for me to accept. 

Tears of thankfulness, tears of hope
I cry tears of joy at Christmas cause I know
There is peace on earth for every heart to find
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry

This Christmas may not be going exactly how I want it to, but I know that I will find peace about it and it will still be great. Sometimes thinking about Christmas makes me cry. And I am okay with that.