I have a LOT of stuff. Especially books. And it's extremely difficult for me to decide to get rid of items even if I haven't used them in the past 10 years. These items hold memories that I don't want to lose if I no longer have the item. It sounds silly when I write it out. I joke sometimes that I am like a hoarder (I'm not anywhere close to that in reality!) But, I get it when I watch the TV shows and they are clearing out their houses and their loved ones just can't understand why they won't get rid of certain items. I have gifts from people that have never been used, and I deeply struggle to give them away. Part of me is scared that person will show up at my house and ask where the candle they got me 10 years ago is, cuz they don't see it out in my living room. It's ridiculous, and yet it's me.
There also is a lot of emotions with packing. It's weird to finally be moving out of my parent's house for good. At least, that's the plan. So many memories of high school, elementary school, family vacations, and so much more with every item I go to decide to pack or get rid of. Mostly good memories, a few bad ones scattered here and there. And it takes it's toll on me pretty quickly. I packed one tub last night, and that was it. Progress, but it doesn't feel like enough progress when you're moving in appx. 2 weeks. I've wished that I was a minimalist both with physical items and emotionally over the past few weeks I feel like I just have too much "stuff".
I just want to get rid of it all, tell myself I don't need any of it, and move on. But in reality? I can't. There are physical items that I do need, like clothes. Or a bed. Or even books. I need those things to stay alive. And emotions? I need those too, unfortunately. As I think about this next season, I am spending a lot of time pondering what "baggage" I actually need to take with me to the next season physically and emotionally.
I've watched over the past few years as God has talked with me about the baggage I've carried from my past. Challenging me on a frequent basis to completely let a lot of it go, or even to simply let Him carry some of it. And over the past year, I've begun to let Him. It's taken a long time, and a lot of trust, but I've finally begun dealing with some of the not so fun stuff from my past and actually letting myself feel the appropriate emotions that went with those situations. There was a lot of fear that came out as anger frequently when I was a kid that I never dealt with, and yet I am starting to do that, very very slowly. I'm watching as chains are falling, and baggage is being removed as Jesus walks with me step by step by step. And it's incredible, yet terrifying.
By 24.5 years old, most people know their "identity". They know who they are, and what they like and don't like, and who they want to become as a person. Well. I am still figuring that out, and that literally drives me insane. I am not where I pictured myself to be at this point if my life, and a lot of time it confuses and frustrates me and I take it out on everyone around me. But, slowly I am learning the concept of grace for myself, and grace for those around me, and watching it unfold is truly a blessing. And so with that, I am trusting God to take whatever baggage I need to leave behind after this season, and to give me peace, help me understand, and to help me grow from it.
So here is my random thought of the day for you... What baggage are you still carrying around that you need to let go of? Maybe it's from your childhood. Maybe high school, college, or even just your adult life. Can I encourage you today to ask God to help you begin to let it go? It wont be easy, but it will be worth it. Jesus came so that we can have life to the fullest, and you can't have life to the fullest when you are stuck in the past. Can you take that baby step today, and ask him to give you the courage to begin to let these things go? You won't regret it.
1 comment:
The worst thing a child can hear is that "you'll never amount to anything more than a garbage collector and that's if they take piety on you."
It is hard, even if your identity is secure in Christ, even if you have family love and connection, even if....you are prepared. It is hard because this is the moment in our mind that we withdraw out of the bank of life all our experience, academics, skills, personality, character, etc....and throw it into an adventure....and we're afraid, because we assume bankruptcy if we fail.
In all my travels, in all the jobs I've done and the ones whom I got fired, quit or refused there is one common thread. I've failed.
In Christ, though, I have found that I haven't failed in the life-ending-kill-me-now way that we often feel, but in the Thomas Edison way of "I've found another way that isn't for me." If you walk with God, you are where you are supposed to be. He has a way of keeping you on task.
As you pack up the world you knew, for storage, for disposal or to take with you; I'd give you this one bit of advice......take what you can, sell the rest. Family will always be there, they fit in your heart. Friends travel well too, in the hip pocket close at hand. Things, things don't travel well. Pack up what you can, what has the greatest meaning, and see what your parents might be willing to keep in the boxes in the attic.
But go....go like Abraham. God has called you; sell what you can't carry and go. There are memories to make, lives to change and a world that has been waiting on baited breath for Marisa to come with purpose intent to reach those who need you. Take time to remember the good of the past, forgive the hurts and look to the future.
Its waiting for you out there, not in the fading pages of the yearbooks of old.
Always, my prayers are with you as you move into the adventure ahead!
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