To most of the population whose brains don't operate like mine, this simply means Passion Tea Lemonade. But to my special brain, I immediately thought "Praise the Lord". As I laughed about this, I thought I have SO much to praise the Lord about recently!
As I have been processing the fact that I am now 12 hours away from everyone I have known for my entire life, my mind tempts me to be afraid. Every morning and many times a day Satan puts the lies in my head "You cannot do this. You are not cut out for working with troubled teens. You should just go home." But in reality?! That is FAR from true. Nothing has EVER been more clear to me that this is where God wants me to be, and I am willing to follow that path and his will no matter what the cost.
Admist the fear, I have already learned so much about myself. I have a new sense of freedom that I have never quite experienced before. For the first time in 23 years I am completely on my own, and responsible for my own well being. For the first time in 23 years my parents are not 15 minutes down the road to come bail me out from whatever I may need, whether that is medicine cuz I am sick or money cuz I am poor or whatever the situation may be. And yet Satan tempts me with that. Instead of praising the Lord for him teaching me how to be independent my brain wants to cower in fear. My brain wants to tell me to run away and hide. There have been a few times so far here at the 'wood where I sit down on the couch and think "There is NO way I can do this. I should just leave now. I can't do this. What about my story is EVER going to be able to help these deeply hurting girls?!" And I realized last night- I can't help them or save them. But I can love them. I can pray for them and with them. And I can praise the Lord that he brought every single one of them into my life to teach me a lesson and to help them come closer to Him.
I've finally realized that there are two ways to view life. You can view things how I normally do: Lemons- sour, awful, almost painful. Or? Lemonade. Yes you need those darn lemons. But you also have the sugar- JESUS. I could continue to cower in fear and make myself believe that God will never use me here at Shelterwood. I could choose to believe I have no business working with teens because I prefer the little munchkins. I could believe that I will never make friends here and I will be lonely. I could continue to do this and I could make a version of lemonade out of it and be functional. But in reality? My lemonade is going to SUCK. No one wants sour lemonade!
Or? I could trust God. I could remember that His plan is better than mine, and He can do more than I can ever ask or imagine. I can choose to remember that two of my old coworkers from the BLOCK have contacted me this week telling me that my kids (those 'teens' that I tell myself I have no business working with) miss me and want me to call the BLOCK so I can say Hi. But did you catch that? I have to CHOOSE. God will not make me be positive. He will not make me be happy. He will not make me do anything because He loves me.
So my random thought of the day for you? What will you choose? Will you choose to eat the lemons and suffer the consequences? Or will you choose to take the lemons and make lemonade? I know I have made my choice.
Admist the fear, I have already learned so much about myself. I have a new sense of freedom that I have never quite experienced before. For the first time in 23 years I am completely on my own, and responsible for my own well being. For the first time in 23 years my parents are not 15 minutes down the road to come bail me out from whatever I may need, whether that is medicine cuz I am sick or money cuz I am poor or whatever the situation may be. And yet Satan tempts me with that. Instead of praising the Lord for him teaching me how to be independent my brain wants to cower in fear. My brain wants to tell me to run away and hide. There have been a few times so far here at the 'wood where I sit down on the couch and think "There is NO way I can do this. I should just leave now. I can't do this. What about my story is EVER going to be able to help these deeply hurting girls?!" And I realized last night- I can't help them or save them. But I can love them. I can pray for them and with them. And I can praise the Lord that he brought every single one of them into my life to teach me a lesson and to help them come closer to Him.
I've finally realized that there are two ways to view life. You can view things how I normally do: Lemons- sour, awful, almost painful. Or? Lemonade. Yes you need those darn lemons. But you also have the sugar- JESUS. I could continue to cower in fear and make myself believe that God will never use me here at Shelterwood. I could choose to believe I have no business working with teens because I prefer the little munchkins. I could believe that I will never make friends here and I will be lonely. I could continue to do this and I could make a version of lemonade out of it and be functional. But in reality? My lemonade is going to SUCK. No one wants sour lemonade!
Or? I could trust God. I could remember that His plan is better than mine, and He can do more than I can ever ask or imagine. I can choose to remember that two of my old coworkers from the BLOCK have contacted me this week telling me that my kids (those 'teens' that I tell myself I have no business working with) miss me and want me to call the BLOCK so I can say Hi. But did you catch that? I have to CHOOSE. God will not make me be positive. He will not make me be happy. He will not make me do anything because He loves me.
So my random thought of the day for you? What will you choose? Will you choose to eat the lemons and suffer the consequences? Or will you choose to take the lemons and make lemonade? I know I have made my choice.
Admist the chaos, admist the tears, yelling, drama, periods, temper tantrums, and pain, there is also Hope. I am choosing to no longer focus on what makes my job and my life hard, but the beauty that comes out of it. I am choosing to not get mad at my residents for their actions, but instead pray for them. Pray for their hearts. Pray for their pain. And to give myself some grace admist this HUGE transition. Realizing it's okay to cry. It's okay to get overwhelmed. It's okay to not know, and it is okay to need help.
God has seriously blessed me so much, I just cannot contain it. And simply because He chooses to love me even when I feel unloveable, in every moment I will PTL.
(As I wrote this blog post, I had this song stuck in my head from my Conco Choir days. It is beautiful, take time to listen, and forget not all his benefits!)
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