"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Grace. It's not a word that I heard very often or thought about very often before moving to Shelterwood. Now? I hear this word probably 20 times a day, because the only way we can do this job is by the grace of God. We have to give grace to the littles when they screw up, and we have to give grace to ourselves when we screw up. Its a hard word to fathom for a perfectionist, grace is. The idea that we are allowed to screw up, that we are not going to be perfect in a lot of ways is terrifying for me. I have not lived a grace filled life up to this point. The expectations that I have put on myself and others have often times turned out to be extremely unrealistic. And when those expectations aren't met, I spend hours, days, sometimes weeks or months beating up myself or others for not being good enough.
But here? We don't have time to not give each other and the littles grace. We screw up ALL the time, they screw up all the time. And if we wasted time being mad at ourselves and each other for screwing up, we would never get anywhere. It's a very new concept for me. A few nights ago I was sitting out in the hallway and I just started to cry because I was tired and overwhlemed. A coworker came over to me, gave me a hug and said "How about you go to bed early tonight?" I said "No, I can't. I am not allowed to, I am supposed to be working." and she said to me "I've got your back- go to bed. Thats what we do for each other here, we give each other grace and cover each other's weaknesses. We have to stick together or else we would never make it through this job." My mind was blown- I was upset because I had this expectation set for myself- I was supposed to work till 11:00 no exceptions and I was mad at myself for not meeting my own expectation and yet she gave me grace and told me it was okay to not be able to perfectly handle everything 24/7.
I've had to have a lot of grace for myself, for moments like the hallway and even for things simple like getting my laundry done or getting lost on my way back from the store. Everything in my life is new right now, and I haven't been here long enough yet to feel 100% safe and secure. My emotions haven't really caught up with me yet, and its been challenging. I get mad when I feel like I need to just cry but can't. Its a process, and I am slowly but surely learning to give myself grace throughout the process.
And as hard as it is, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. I am happier here at Shelterwood than I have ever been in my life. I finally feel free to be exactly who God has created me to be, and I feel free to figure out who he has created me to be. I am finally realizing what His love and grace for me looks like and I am overwhelmed by His love and his plan for my life. It is so incredible, I cannot help but smile and praise Him.
His strengths are covering my weaknesses. It is only His grace that can roll my dead hearts stone away and reveal the tomb of my pain and past. It is only by His grace that I have strength to face my inner demons of depression, anxiety, and haunting memories from my past. It is only by His grace that I am learning to forgive people who have deeply wounded me. It is only by His grace I can work with girls whose experiences trigger memories from my past. You see the longer I am here I am learning without His grace my life is nothing- I would be dead in my past and sin without His Grace. My mind is simply blown by this concept of grace and I hope that you will spend some time basking in His grace over the next few days, because His grace truly is sufficient. It is all you need, because once you understand his grace it will give you the power to extend that grace to others and when you do that, you will change the world for Christ one person at a time. And that is a beautiful thing.
But here? We don't have time to not give each other and the littles grace. We screw up ALL the time, they screw up all the time. And if we wasted time being mad at ourselves and each other for screwing up, we would never get anywhere. It's a very new concept for me. A few nights ago I was sitting out in the hallway and I just started to cry because I was tired and overwhlemed. A coworker came over to me, gave me a hug and said "How about you go to bed early tonight?" I said "No, I can't. I am not allowed to, I am supposed to be working." and she said to me "I've got your back- go to bed. Thats what we do for each other here, we give each other grace and cover each other's weaknesses. We have to stick together or else we would never make it through this job." My mind was blown- I was upset because I had this expectation set for myself- I was supposed to work till 11:00 no exceptions and I was mad at myself for not meeting my own expectation and yet she gave me grace and told me it was okay to not be able to perfectly handle everything 24/7.
I've had to have a lot of grace for myself, for moments like the hallway and even for things simple like getting my laundry done or getting lost on my way back from the store. Everything in my life is new right now, and I haven't been here long enough yet to feel 100% safe and secure. My emotions haven't really caught up with me yet, and its been challenging. I get mad when I feel like I need to just cry but can't. Its a process, and I am slowly but surely learning to give myself grace throughout the process.
And as hard as it is, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. I am happier here at Shelterwood than I have ever been in my life. I finally feel free to be exactly who God has created me to be, and I feel free to figure out who he has created me to be. I am finally realizing what His love and grace for me looks like and I am overwhelmed by His love and his plan for my life. It is so incredible, I cannot help but smile and praise Him.
His strengths are covering my weaknesses. It is only His grace that can roll my dead hearts stone away and reveal the tomb of my pain and past. It is only by His grace that I have strength to face my inner demons of depression, anxiety, and haunting memories from my past. It is only by His grace that I am learning to forgive people who have deeply wounded me. It is only by His grace I can work with girls whose experiences trigger memories from my past. You see the longer I am here I am learning without His grace my life is nothing- I would be dead in my past and sin without His Grace. My mind is simply blown by this concept of grace and I hope that you will spend some time basking in His grace over the next few days, because His grace truly is sufficient. It is all you need, because once you understand his grace it will give you the power to extend that grace to others and when you do that, you will change the world for Christ one person at a time. And that is a beautiful thing.
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