Are You Still Stuck on Good Friday?

I had a minor pity party for myself yesterday. Yesterday I was tired, a few of the girls had been whining to me about house drama, and I was just sick and tired of people. On top of that, I had some emotional stuff come up the day before and my mind could not stop focusing on that and wishing I could have a counseling session. It had to be a pretty pathetic sight. We got back from a great day at the museum/chocolate factory and decided we were going to watch the "Son of God" movie because it was Good Friday. My thoughts? "Oh good. I can just sit down and focus on my problems for a while instead of the girls. Let me go get my journal." So I sat in the middle of our living room and journaled and complained and pouted about how I felt, and was letting out my emotion to God, explaining why I am angry and hurt regarding different things. My mind was not on Easter at all to say the least. My mind was stuck on Good Friday. (More explanation coming in a second) 

And then, I started getting distracted by the movie. It was okay, but not great, but moments kept catching my interest. Suddenly, the movie got to the part about the crucifixion. I was watching as Judas was betrying Jesus, and I had a thought "Man. I am so glad my friends wouldn't betray me to be killed. That would seriously suck." And then the magnitude of what I was thinking hit me. Holy cow! One of Jesus's BEST friends betrayed him for some money. I cannot imagine how deeply that would hurt. I've had some pretty major fights with friends over the years, but nothing even close to that extent. After this moment, I was hooked to the movie.

I was suddenly reminded of a sermon I watched by Louie Giglio last year called "When Life Hurts the Most". It was life altering. Part of the sermon talks about how God can use the worst things in life for eternal good. Louie says " Are you still stuck on Good Friday? Think about it. If we were there we would be SO mad at Jesus. Our whole lives/beliefs would appear to be a lie. 'God is not powerful or real. Everything he said was really just a fairytale!' But we aren't standing there anymore. We say the cross is the most beautiful thing we have ever experienced. He will do the same thing with our lives." There is really no better description for how I felt on Friday I was SO mad at God for parts of my past, and so bitter and resentful that he had allowed things to go the way they did. But then I remembered this quote, and my whole perspective for the rest of the movie changed.

As they were beating Jesus, they showed a close up of his blood mixing with the tears pouring down his face. My heart just broke. I cannot even begin to imagine how much pain Jesus was in. I have been so angry a God many, many times saying "How could you let ______ happen?! This just isn't fair!" Ive been severely depressed, had panic attacks, and other issues plague my life that would leave me in tears just begging God to take it away or even take me away. I know pain. I know pain all too well.And I can honestly say that my faith did not become applicable to me until I really understood the crucifixion. 

I used to think that Jesus only died because I was "bad". Do I sin? Most definitely. But have I done something awful like murder someone or drugs or steal? Nope. So for a long time I didn't see a real need for a savior. I kept thinking "I am a decent person, why isn't that enough?!" But last year I came to a startling revelation- Jesus understands my pain. Every ounce of my physical and emotional pain he felt on the cross, plus EVERYONE else's. Do you get that? Let that sink in. My pain has almost killed me a handful of times, that is a terrifying place to be. If my pain has almost killed me because it was so unbearable, imagine what Jesus went through?! He legitimately died of a broken heart. I also realized this: We need a savior because live in a broken world and are doomed to die. Yes, we are sinful and thats what caused the brokenness and the need for a savior. Nothing I can do can bridge that gap between us and God, it will always come up short. And thats why he came- because he can't stand the thought of eternity without us. And so Jesus took on my pain on that cross for hours and died so that I wouldn't have to spend my whole life in pain, and can eventually have freedom in heaven. Woah. Let that sink in.

Jesus took the pain so that you'd have an opportunity to escape from it and find comfort in him. Holy cow. I've been suicidal and depressed and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, it is the most terrifying thing that I have ever experienced. And yet Jesus took it on willingly because he loves me that much. I can't even comprehend that. It just blows my mind in an incredible way, and comforts my heart in a way I can't describe. 

I read in my study notes today in my Bible as I read the Easter story that many times Christians will read about Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane and think "Why didn't God answer Jesus's prayer?! If God won't give Jesus what he asks for why should I believe he will help me?!" In reality? God did answer Jesus, just not in the way even Jesus hoped. God gave Jesus the emotional and physical strength to get through the trial before him. Was it what Jesus wanted? Nope. But in the long run it was what he needed and what was best for Him. 

God does the same thing for us. I loved this quote from the Louie sermon " The cross is proof that God will not change every circumstance. But it is proof that He has a purpose in every circumstance." Hallelujah! 

So here is my random thought of the day for you: Does Easter really have meaning to you? Or is it just about the chocolate eggs? Do you understand Jesus's sacrifice for you on a personal, emotional level? I want to challenge you tonight to get past Good Friday. Take a moment and really make the crucifixion personal. Relate it to your life. And remember, that Jesus took your pain and suffering with Him on the Cross. He knows what you're going through and he gets it. He's not mad at you for being sad, or hurting, or angry. He felt it too and is right here with you. So in the midst of your pain I want to remind you that it is not without purpose, and you are never alone. In just a few hours the sun will rise and we will celebrate our risen savior. For the first time in my life this has a substantial meaning to me. I am SO excited to celebrate Easter. I am finally making the journey past Good Friday, and celebrating my risen Savior. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow, and so can you!