“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”

That kind of describes my day yesterday. I was told yesterday that I didn't get an SLR position. I was kind of upset and angry thinking "God what are you doing?! I thought you wanted me to be an SLR next year it seemed so clear to me!" Well, as much as I want to say that I prayed prior to applying to be an SLR, I didn't. Maybe once or twice with my SLR, but I never prayed about it on my own. And yet, I dove in headfirst and just assumed that I would get the role because as I saw it, I was 100% sure thats where God wanted me to be next year. Well, yesterday my plan got flushed down the drain.

At first I panicked, thinking "What am I going to do now?! I have to decide what dorm to live in, who to room with, etc..) and I was really starting to dread next fall. But today, after talking with someone I trust, I was able to step back and look at the situation with a new perspective. Who said that I need the title of SLR to perform the actions of an SLR? I can pray and talk with people whenever I want. I can ask my SLR if I can give a devotion in my dorm if I want too. I may not have the title of SLR, but that doesn't mean I can't help people.

I was really looking forward to working with the freshman girls next year. I thought "Well, I'm not an SLR now, so I guess I won't be able to connect one on one with the girls" But in reality, I can go talk to them and connect with them outside of the dorm setting. It is possible, and I can't wait to meet them.

God has shown me a lot in the past 24 hours. Pretty cool stuff.

God is Good :)

Sooooo it has been another week. I am still kind of sick and coughing like crazy, but thats okay :) At least I don't feel like a zombie anymore.

This past week has been good. Being sick has allowed me to take some time and just rest like I have needed to be doing for weeks. It has been really nice even though I feel really yucky. God also showed me some stuff this week that has been a wake up call for me. Good stuff. Really good stuff. It's time to make some changes in my life again, but I am starting to learn that is what life is all about.

I had my SLR interview last week.... I feel like it went well but we will see. I am kind of nervous, but I know that God has a plan for next year even if I won't be an SLR. I am sooooooo excited for next fall! God is doing so much right now, and I can't wait to see what He will do next year!

God has been giving me so many little blessings the past few weeks. The sun has been shining, it has been kind of warm, and just beautiful! The best gift was yesterday..... I was already having a pretty good day, but then I found out that one of my best friends is flying in from Arizona in June!!!! I was soooooo happy. I was so scared when she moved that I was never going to see her again, and yet God keeps working it out so that she can visit and I am soooooooooo thankful. She is an amazing young lady :)

For a while, I kept looking back at my life situation right now, and I look at the hardships and pain that I am dealing with, and I just couldn't see how I am getting through each day and am so happy. But I realized it is because of one thing and one thing alone, and that is God. Yes, He has given me AMAZING friends, a loving family, and other needed people. But what I have realized this week, is that GOD gave them to me. GOD helped me by using them. It isn't because of myself or other people that I have gotten through things, which is what I used to think in the past. It is all because of God, and I am so thankful for that.

God is awesome, and He will change your life. Go spend some time with Him today, You won't regret it!

Amazing

The way God works just completely fascinates me. Tool Time went sooooo unbelievably well, I cannot even put it into words. I know that God's hand was in this weekend. He made it perfect and put everyone right where they needed to be. 

Let's start with Friday. Friday night I started out by helping with nametags. It was really cool to be able to meet some of the kids right away and hear where they were from and that kind of thing. Some people drove over  3 hours to come. I thought that was awesome! 

We then went to our first session, which went really well, and then to small groups. I was a little worried about how small groups were going to go.... Last Tool Time, my small group didn't exactly go very well. The kids didn't want to participate, and it just seemed to flop. This time, I had the most amazing group of kids ever. It wasn't necessarily because they were willing to share with the group, but because of the love that they formed for each other in a little less than 24 hours.  These kids genuinely loved being around each other, and didn't want to leave. 

After session 1, the kids played a big game, and then had pizza. It was then Time for Offerings. I am ashamed to admit that by this point of the night, I had a horrible attitude. I had shifted my focus from helping the kids to "what can I get out of Offerings for me?" As I was walking in with a friend, she said to me "Let's mix in with the kids." I replied "No. I am sitting near the front. You can join me if you want."  Then, under my breath I said "This time isn't about the kids. It's about me." And as I said it, I was like wow, that was self-centered, but that was all I thought about it. Through Offerings, God did reveal some stuff to me that night about things that I wasn't expecting. I will explain later what I realized after examining the way that I was acting. 

So, after Offerings I came back to my dorm and prayed about some stuff with my RA and then I went over to my friend Randi's dorm to help her host some middle schoolers for the night. 

The next day we had another session, and then breakouts. The breakouts were tons of fun, and really helped us bond with our small group. Later we had a service project where we made tie blankets for the homeless. It was tons of fun, and so cool to see the kids in my small group all working together and working really hard. We then had another session and small groups. At the last small group, we wrote notes to each other to keep. One little girl wrote a note to me and Stephanie that said "Thank you for being such amazing small group leaders and really loving Paris (our small group). Love, Hannah" It was really cute. Then, unfortunately, they went home. I miss them soooo much, I cannot even believe it. We really bonded, and I hope that I will get to see them all again next year. 

There is one other thing that I feel that I have to mention- His name is Garrett. Garrett is one of my new favorite people. Garrett is 16 years old, and has special needs. He came to Tool Time with his older sister and they were both in my small group. Garrett blessed me in soooooo many ways in just 24 hours. On Saturday we were sitting eating lunch and Garrett came over to sit with me and Stephanie. I had to leave for a minute, but I came back to the cafeteria and I was standing by our table when Garrett came over to me and said Hi. He gave me a hug, and just held on to my hand. We just stood there for a few minutes until we had to leave. He just had the biggest smile on his face, and I knew it meant a lot to him that I was holding his hand. But at the same time, that was one of the greatest moments of my entire life. Garrett always wanted to sing by me and Stephanie during our sessions. He would always watch what we were doing such as raising our hands, and he would do it too. You could tell that this boy has a special connection with God that most people do not have. It was amazing. I am praying that I will get to see Garrett again next year. 

Tool Time was amazing. I hate to admit that this time around I went in looking to get something out of it for me, when in reality my focus needed to be on what God was going to do through us and through the kids. But what is sooooooo stinken amazing to me, is that when I don't focus on me- God gives the little moments like Garrett holding my hand or me seeing a hundred middle schoolars watching us as we raise our hands and then they do the same. When I took the focus off of me, and I put it back on God, amazing things happened. Offerings helped me to realize that. I was so self centered, but as soon as I became "God-centered" God gave me the help that I needed.  I learned this weekend how to be a role model, how fun it is to work with Middle Schoolers, and how God can change someone else's life using the most unexpected things such as a little boy named Garrett. I am really sad that I have to wait a few months before the next Tool Time. If any of your youth groups would be interested in coming please let me know. The more kids we have, the more fun it is for us, and the more lives God changes! 

Tool Time!

Today marks the start of Jr. High Tool Time. I am SO excited!! Fall Tool Time is what pretty much convinced me to not transfer from Concordia. A whole weekend devoted to God. It is going to me so awesome!!!! I am a small group leader with my good friend Stephanie. She is such an amazing woman of God, and I cannot wait to spend time with her this weekend!

The rest of this week hasn't been too bad. I have had soooo much stuff to do, and yet I have been just trying to give it all to God and I keep finding the time to get everything done. It is really amazing to me, because I literally did not have enough time to get everything done that I needed to yesterday, and to top it off I was exhausted and my spring allergies started flaring up. I just prayed about it and asked God to help me get everything done that I needed to, and I did. So cool. I am still tired and not feeling great, but I am so excited about Tool Time I almost don't care :)

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend :) I will try to update again soon :)

It's Just One of Those Days!

Today, This week, has been really good. I just don't understand- because there are still things in my life that are wrong, but I am so happy. This is the happiest I have been in a long time.

And it is FINALLY warming up! It is about 50 degrees and sunny today. I swear, warm weather puts me in a better mood. The sunshine makes me soooo happy and longing for summertime.

Summer break and I currently have a love/hate relationship. I cannot wait for the warm weather, sunshine, free time and friends. I cannot, cannot wait. But then again, I also don't want to leave the friends I have made here at Concordia or change my routine again. I hate changing my routine. I used to hate that in high school too. I would just get used to school and summer would come again. But, I miss the warmth so much this year that I really don't care. I can't wait to see my best friends. I am almost counting down the days.

I got to spend the evening with my best friend yesterday, and it was the best night I have had in months. We laughed and talked and just had a great time. I miss her sooooo much, but I am so glad that I got to spend time with her last night. She is just amazing. God has given me such awesome, awesome friends. I love you all. <3

God is doing a lot in my life right now. It is really cool. My life kind of fits this quote right now, "God doesn't give you the people you want; he gives you the people to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you the person you were meant to be." Good quote. I am so happy with the people that God has given me. Sometimes I wish that I had some stronger friendships at Concordia like I do at home, but I am getting there. God has put some awesome people in my life such as my SLR. I couldn't have gotten through my freshman year without her. She is awesome. It was a total God thing that I was put into Esther dorm.  I love her, and I am so thankful for her. Another friend of mine is awesome too. It is like she can sense when something is wrong, and she just appears with a hug for me. She always is willing to sit with me and pray with me even if it is 1:00 in the morning.




Sigh. Today is a good day even with bad stuff going on. Be happy. Remember, Jesus loves you and so do I! :) 

Smile

So, life isn't too bad right now. I am really enjoying not being on Facebook as well as eating healthier foods. I am finding that overall I am happier even when bad stuff does happen. I am finding that I am spending my time more wisely and feeling more productive as well as I am actually trying my hardest in everything that I am doing; physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I am starting to feel like my mind is less in a fog and more in the present. Sigh. Good stuff. I miss having Facebook as a way to connect with people, but I much prefer what I am doing right now to Facebook. I am realizing the people who truly matter to me, and if I need to contact someone, I just use email or phone. It's not as horrible as most people think. I would encourage you to give up Facebook for a while if you have never done it before.

I went on an awesome retreat this weekend with the Concordia Women's Ministry. It was the most fun I have had in a long time. It was so nice to be able to spend time with people who want to keep their focus on God and keep the campuses focus on God. I am working with two of my friends and we are planning a Big Brother Big Sister event on our campus, run by the Women's Ministry. I am really excited. It is going to be soooo much fun for us, and a huge blessing for these kids.

I also am planning on being an SLR next year. I turned in my application, and I think I am going to do it. I am so pumped for next year. Everyone keeps telling me that Freshman year is hard for a lot of people, but it really does get better after that. I can't wait. My life can only get better. ( I mean in reality, it could get a lot worse, but lets try and think positively :)  )

I hope you all have a fantabulus day, and know that Jesus loves you and so do I.

Balance

My life finally feels balanced for the first time in months. I feel like God has the control where He needs too, and I have control where I need to. I finally am not fighting God anymore for control. It is so relaxing. I am enjoying peace in God's presence. I'm not saying I will never get to a point again where I may feel unbalanced, but for now I am content with where I am at.

For the first time, probably ever in my life I think I am truly learning how to not rely entirely on people. For a short time, I used to have a balance; rely on 90% God, 5% others, 5% me. Then, stuff happened and those numbers got very messed up. Sometimes I wasn't relying on God, other times I felt that I couldn't rely on myself or on others at all. But for the first time I feel like I have regained a balance and it is so comforting. People will fail you and hurt you, but you need to able to learn to trust people again even if it is scary. I am finally learning this lesson.

I feel like Lent is helping this idea in my head. I think a lot people, myself included use Facebook to kind of keep their self esteem up. You feel loved and popular if people write on your wall or send you notes. But by taking that away, it forces you to see that people do love you and care about you even if you don't have the constant reminder from Facebook. I like not being on Facebook. A lot. The only thing I miss is not being able to upload pictures.... :P

I think I need to change how I am wording what I gave up for Lent. In a sense, I think my plan is not to entirely give up junkfood, but to start eating healthier in general. I don't want to have to cancel plans with my friend to order pizza tonight, when I promised her last week that we would. But at the same time, I don't want to eat fries every day in the cafeteria. I think that I have decided that I can occasionally have junk food, but no more than once every few days.

I hope you all are having a good week, because I most certainly am.